So tonight after the meeting, this brother whome I've grown up with invited me to eat. He had come almost an hour late to the meeting and looked kind of down and a bit depressed. I agreed to go eat.
There was very little talking at first. He asked me how it felt not to be a regular pioneer anymore and I of course told him I felt like a giant weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. No more worrying about getting my time in. I could give god whatever it is I wanted to give him, from my heart, not because I had made a contract with him. We laughed a bit about that.
He just smiled and nodded.
Once we were done he excused himself to the restroom and I just sat there waiting. Once he returned he sat down again and said, "you know with the congregation's splitting soon and other things going on in the hall, I've been thinking a lot about so many things and honestly, I dont know what to do. Remember how we used to go out for entire days in service? Remember all the fun we used to have? Remember how we wanted become minsterial servants and then go to bethel?"
"I do." I said, not quite sure where he was going with all of this.
"Well, honestly ______, those days are dead and gone. I was going to go out on service today since it's my day off but decided to just stay home and do other things. It felt alright. I wasn't even going to go to the meeting today but I came for the second part of it anyway."
"I see." I said, "So what have you been thinking about so much then?"
"Well, I kind of don't know how to say it so I'll just say it. I just want to disappear for a while. I don't want to go to the meetings anymore. There's no point to them. I feel as if my life is being wasted. I've lost my zeal like they say but I have no desire in looking for it. There's nothing new in the meetings its always the same thing over and over again. And that whole 'Safeguard you mind' part was just pushing it a bit too far for me. I don't want to call them doubts but more like questions. Several things don't really make much sense. I dont know. I just need to get out for a while. And I think that my only chance is to move away once the congregation's split."
"Oh, I understand." I replied calmly. "But what do you mean exactly by dissappear?"
"I'm thinking of becoming inactive. That's what I mean. I don't know for how long, maybe 6 months, maybe a year. I just want to take a break from all of it!", he said firmly.
"Oh okay _____. Well, I don't know what made you think that way but you are not alone my friend. And don't worry. Take as long as you need. You need to be out there. You need to live a little. See what's on the other side. And remember, whatever it is you decide to do, I'll still be here as a friend in case you need one." I responded in a very calm manner.
"What? Really?" he said in amazement.
"Yup" I responded.
He smiled and then said "thanks _____, it's good to have real friends like you.
"No problem ____" I said, "and who knows, I said, maybe I'll joing you someday..."
We then joked a bit about other things, then we finally got out and ready to go home.
"Oh and one more thing before I forget..." I said as we were leaving.
"What?" he asked.
"When you're out there and you're looking in, before you decide to become active again, question everything first!" I said as I got in the car.
He paused for a bit, then nodded and said "alright. I will."
Then we parted.
It was such an unexpected conversation that I just had to share it with you guys! Looks like even the most "spiritual" of brothers and sisters are now questioning more and more, having increasing doubts about many things. And it makes me happy. As I continue on my own path to freedom, It's nice to see others slowly start to wake up.