Close friend recently disfellowshipped.

by Emery 17 Replies latest watchtower bible

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  apostatethunder

  Hi Emery, it depends how well you know this person and their circumstances, but if you really care about them, tell them TTATT, and save them all the anguish they are going through right now.

  Listen in a non-judgemental way, and compare to them the way they were treated with the way Jesus treated his followers, and then keep adding other inconsistencies of the organization to future conversations. I am sure you wont run out of them.

  I hope they don’t come back, and that they can make a good life for themselves out of this abusive/hypocritical/insane cult. The same for you.
• 

  Ding

  Lots of good advice here.

  I think the keys are:

  1. Listen far more than you talk. It's more important for you to know where your friend is coming from than to push your agenda.

  2. Model the type of love and friendship that's the opposite of WT legalism.

  3. Ask questions more than you make statements.

  4. Be cautious lest your friend turn on you and you get accused of apostasy unless you're in a position where that doesn't matter to you.
• 

  Balaamsass

  Good advise from all. Word to the wise. Over the last 30 years., amost every single disfellowshipped person I have spoken to while they were "out" told an elder I spoke with them, in order to seem repentant. Some bodies ASK if they spoke with anyone as a loyalty test. But I would risk the wrath of the local pharasees any day to support a friend or prevent a suicide.

  Be a good listener. Ask "Why"- Why didn't the ransom apply to you??? Humm...why was the commitee .....secret....etc? Is that scriptural?? - Start them thinking. Most important...be an unconditional FRIEND.
• 

  apostatethunder

  This cult sounds like an induction to life in Oceania.
• 

  Emery

  Thanks everyone for the advice! I enjoyed King Solomon's analogy very much.

  This person is single, no local family, and is a good ways away from their home state. They make good money and are not financially tied to anyone in the organization. This person will be completely and utterly alone during this time period. I will attempt to ask neutral thought provoking questions if possible. Just not too sure of the kinds of questions that would be appropriate for DF'ed ones but I do like the approach given by Balaamsass.
• 

  undercover

  I can echo the sentiments of, 'just be there to listen and be a friend'. Be careful how much you divulge of your apostate leanings. Even if they seem receptive now, if they're seeking reinstatement, it can reverse itself.

  I knew a guy who got DFd and I still kept associating with him. I was just trying to show him the example of someone who doesn't shun. In time, he started voicing his displeasure of the WTS. He was starting to see through it. I egged him on. I asked questions trying to get him to think. I thought he was well on his way out, mentally speaking. He moved and I lost touch with him but I heard from someone else that knew him (not a JW) that he had gone all 'churchy'. I did a little investigating and found out that he got reinstated, quit his job and started pioneering. Even after he had come to a conclusion that there was something not right about the WTS, he could not completely free himself of their control and ended up being coerced to return and then he gulped down the entire pitcher of Kool-Aid.
• 

  moshe

  Presenting ideas to a person on the outside while I am still in the inside (due to family) seems like quite the challenge.

  Yes, one of the challenges of fading- how do you help someone on the outside of the KH, without blowing your own cover. Suppose it is a close relative who has become an apostate ex-Jw? Do you join them and support them or do you keep pretending you are a JW in order to maintain contact with the rest of the family?
• 

  Sheep2slaughter

  The above advice is mostly accurate in my opinion.

  Be a good listener...

  Let them know you still care about them...

  Don't tell them the truth about the truth yet...

  Just be a friend...regardless of their feeling about their DF or the org or the brothers...they need a friend since most likely most of their friends will shun them.