Close friend recently disfellowshipped.

by Emery 17 Replies latest watchtower bible

  • Emery

    Just recently I had a very close friend call to notify me of their future disfellowshipping. I felt such sadnesss by their phone call as they seemed pretty shook up and were desperately pleading their repentance over the phone so I wouldn't think critically of them. I immediately reassured that person that I still loved and cherished them greatly regardless of their status, I would be there whenever they needed me.

    Instantly I was instilled with a desire to guide them towards the truth about the truth. However, this person is still very indoctrinated and believes this is the truth.

    I need some advice from you friends here on a strategy to awaken this person. Presenting ideas to a person on the outside while I am still in the inside (due to family) seems like quite the challenge. This is a perfect but difficult situation.

  • Billy the Ex-Bethelite
    Billy the Ex-Bethelite

    Just start by being there for them and listening... even if it's just texting.

    Are their living and work situations stable? Do you think they'll have financial problems because of this?

    Maybe after you give them a little time, would they consider professional counselling where you could get a word to the counsellor about their situation?

  • King Solomon
    King Solomon

    I'd be cautious about revealing TATT at this point. If you aren't careful and they decide to seek reinstatement, they may be tempted to throw you under the bus as proof of their own loyalty, or as a negotiating tool to save their own butt from getting DF'ed.... Just saying, you've got to look out for yourself. You didn't make the rules, you're trying to play the game to get out....

  • ziddina

    First and foremost, be a good listener...

    As this person comes to realize that you're not shunning him/her nor are you judging, he/she may begin to confide more in you.

    Be very careful to avoid making any comments critical of the Watchtower organization.

    If you can, figure out what their situation is - are they going to be kicked out of their home? If married, will the wife/husband shun this person? Are there children involved?

    I ask about their situation because far too many people have been coerced back into the Watchtower borg due to such powerful emotional blackmail. The person may go back, either willingly or unwillingly, just because they have too much to lose.

    I sincerely hope that they can break free. Please don't be too disappointed if they don't, however.

  • steve2

    Remember by far most disfellowshipped individuals still believe the organization "is" the truth. Indeed, their disfellowshipped status probably motivates them to avoid being seen as rebellious in the apostate sense of the word. Better to get kicked out for weak flesh than for a proud spirit (as interpreted by the elders).

    So take the sage advice given above - be very careful about what you say but be a good listener. Sometimes ex-JWs realize at one level the organization is a loud of drivel - but better that they come to realize this by your discreet support and empathy than by any other means.

  • joyfulfader

    From experience I know that being disfellowshipped made me try harder to be good. Be careful because I also believe that if reinstatement happens down the road (because we are all blackmailed to come back) it could come back to bite you. I think reinstated ones are actually the more zealous because they have to work so hard to get back in the good graces of a few men and that struggle makes for more guilt and sadness and spurs some on to do whatever they can to prove themselves "worthy" again. I hope your friend sees the light but if I were u I would tread lightly and as said before me, be a good friend and listener. Perhaps, just perhaps...

  • lisaBObeesa

    I'd be careful, but ask questions that cause cognitive dissonance.

    "Wow! I'm so sorry this is happening to you! And I'm surprised. I mean, I can tell it is obvious that you are very repentant. I thought repentant people were not disfellowshipped. wow. Why are they disfellowhipping you if you are repentant?"

    But I'd be very careful....

  • steve2

    Excellent post joyfulfader: You describe so well the added incentive disfellowshipped ones have to "prove" their worthiness in order to re-gain the approval of their local elders.

    I was bitten badly by nasty reactions from local disfellowshipped JWs who were trying their darndest to get back in. I soon learned they've got a lot to gain by "rejecting" others who've been disfellowshipped. It's called over-compensating and earning Brownie points. I've no doubt that, once reinstated, these JWs told spirtually dramatic and exaggerated stories of how an evil apostate tried to lure them into darkness.

    No way do I want to help them put ammunition in the gun they've aimed pointedly at me...

  • King Solomon
    King Solomon

    Something to keep in mind is that those most likely to cause a lifeguard to die of drowning are often the very ones he's trying to save from drowning...

  • Indian Larry
    Indian Larry

    King Solomon- You truly are wise

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