Advice needed please.

by tenene 29 Replies latest jw friends

  • dreamgolfer

    I moved...BEST thing I ever did, no knockers at my door - i am 45 minutes away from the KH now and 4 congos away from the Territory

    I will NEVER be found

    You can do the same, just find a nice place more convenient to live at

    CONGRATS and make the WORLD your OWN!

  • cofty

    i am 45 minutes away from the KH now and 4 congos away from the Territory

    Where I live 45 minutes would only just get you to the neighbouring terrritory

  • moshe

    You can choose the life you were meant to live as a free an independent person or keep lying to the JWs and go hide under a rock.

    Leave the KH as an honorable person with your head held high or keep lying and most likely get found out and end up disfellowshipped. Fading is the most common solution for leaving the WT religion, as it postpones the day of judgment from everyone at the KH. When JWs sneak out the back door into the world, the elders probably think the absent publisher is up to no good- avoiding them, just reinforces that notion.

    an observation-- Why is it, that people avoid making proactive decisions, but wait until they have been backed into a corner and they only have one way left to go? The choice you let others make for you , due to inaction on your part, won't be the best deal for you.

    As long as you have a JW mother to keep tabs on you, you can't truly live an open life. Are you willing to live a lie until your JW mother dies? That is the path you have started down by default.

    But by all means, make up your own mind- I think you already know what needs to happen next.

  • nugget

    Fading is a tough task as essentially you have to follow JW doctrine and you are not free to live your life. The advice to prepare for the worst is sound advice. Start building relationships outside the organisation and start planning how your life will look when you are totally free to live as you please. Work towards it.

    If the elders catch you off guard then thank them for their concern and say to them that you are dealing with personal things at the moment and will contact them if you need their help.

    The best advice is keep it short, do not share any doubts with them. Apear humble and appreciative without offering any commitments. Do not invite them in. If they try to prolong a visit then tell them you are late for an appointment and are not in a position to talk or that this is a bad time for you and again you know where they are and will contact them if you need them.

    If you can move then do otherwise you must be careful. On no account share your JWN identity with strangers.

  • Black Sheep
    Black Sheep

    If you want to get your mom out, your best chance of getting her to question her beliefs is while you are a door knocking Dub in good standing. You still have to know what you are doing though.

    Don't do what most of us do and express apostate opinions and dump apostate (though true) information on her. Unless she is already a closet apostate, that is totally counter productive.

    I suggest you remain active and in good standing while you make a plan and learn how to execute it.

  • Glander

    moshe said it right - no sugar coating. But we all understand the reluctance. Like putting off a trip to the dentist.

  • Lozhasleft

    Welcome to the forum. Yknot gives good advice. Just do whatever is best for your circumstances.

    Loz x

  • whathappened

    My sister and I just stopped going cold turkey. We let our jw relatives know that we were stumbled by things we read in the publications and by things that others in the hall have done. No one has really bothered us. A couple of phone calls and we just told them we didn't want to discuss it. Luckily, our mother did not choose to shun us. Good luck and don't try to live a lie. It is not healthy.

  • Billy the Ex-Bethelite
    Billy the Ex-Bethelite


    If the only reason you're afraid of cutting all JW ties is because of your mom, I'd suggest thinking about what you want to say to HER. Good luck!

  • Scott77

    Order mom a copy of CoC by Raymond Franz but do not show that copy to the elder.


Share this