Maybe most of you have never heard of Roy D. Mercer. He makes
comedy CD's where he calls people on the phone and thretens to "whip
their ass." When reading, keep in mind, Roy has a very southern drawl. This is my version of Roy taking on the witnesses:
Roy D. Mercer vs. JW P.O.
Phone rings at KH
P.O. answers: Hello
R.D. Yea, Hello, This is R.D. Mercer and I’m trying to get a hold of the man in charge down there to your Kingdom Hall
P.O.: Well, maybe I can help, what seems to be the problem.
R.D.: Well, about a week ago ya’ll had some folks out here slepin’ through our trailer park, tryin’ to sell them magazines and such. Well they stopped off here at my trailer and talked to my wife Sharon Gene, shes a kinda a big woman ya know. Well, she was tryin to eat a Big Mac at the time and was just wantin’ to get rid of them people so she bought a couple of your magazines and left em layin’ round the trailer for a few days. Now my boy Raymond got ahold of them magazines and he’s been reading and looking at the pictures and such and last night he came in and told me and Sharon Gene that he won’t be celebratin’ any more birthdays or Christmas or any more holiays.
P.O.: Well that’s wonderful.
R.D.: Naw it ain’t wonderful. See, I’ve done had a hunting rifle on lay-away down to the Wal-mart for his birthday and now I’m gonna be out about $350.00 cause he says he won’t be doin’ no more huntin’. He said he also was gonna quit ROTC down to the high school and quit his job at Checkers so he could go out in service.
P.O.: Well what do you want from me?
R.D.: I either want you to come up with the $350 or I’m comin’ down there and whip your ass!!
P.O.: Sir, what did you say your name was?
R.D.: My name is Roy Damn Mercer and I’m the feller that’s fixin’ to dot both your eyes. I’m gonna put a pop knot on your head big enough to hold a congregation book study on.
P.O. Now Mr. Mercer we are a peace loving non-violent type people here.
R.D. Well I’m gonna kick your peace loving ass so hard you’ll have to clear your throat to fart.
I’m gonna beat you like Patton for a dance. Say fella, How big a boy are ya?
Roys web site is roydmercer.com if you want to hear him.