Question to the wise ones

lost1

Just want to know what anyones thoughts/advice please. Am doing my best to put the "bf" out of my mind and move on (did a real number on me) but more things have come to light recently but if I was to "rat on him" who would I approach and how would I phrase it? I doubt if going to go down that road but would be interested to know. He has broken nearly every rule in the book and some. Found load of stuff about him on the internet which makes him sound the perfect little jw (says does not trust internet which is odd when he asked me for help in setting up an online betting site....) and not the two faced **** he is in real life. Oh and says it was his wife who had an affair and its only for appearances they are seen together !!

Thanks.

Witness My Fury

If he's playing all innocent and pretending to be a good little JW then turn up at his hall, ask who the COBE (chairman of the body of elders, aka PO - presiding overseer) is and make a beeline for him, unless of course he happens to be sonny boys dad, uncle, brother etc in which case maybe not.

If that is too much for you to cope with, then look up his congregtion in the phone book and it will have one of the elders as a contact there.

Then play a game of fill in the blanks with said elder and tell him you'll put it in writing if required. Preferably do this in front of TWO elders for good measure.

It's what I'd do.

How to phrase it? Just say you know Brother whatshisname ...intimately, and he's done the dirty on you and now he's pretending like it never happened. But you know the JWs are supposed to have high moral standards and he is a hypocrite.

lost1

Thanks WMF - Just one small problem as he is the COBE! This makes me slightly wary of actually doing anything being a mere female!

Witness My Fury

You mean HE (your previous BF) is the COBE? Or his dad?

Then take it quietly to another elder in that hall, or else go to a nearby hall (maybe 2 congregations share the same hall even) and go that route. Exposure WILL happen.

Oh, obviously you will need some evidence like texts, answer messages etc, emails, ...every little helps. Otherwise it will come down to your word against his, but even that could be good enough if he has history.

lost1

The ex is the COBE of this particular hall. I have some texts (might make elder blush!) which I kept. No emails - internet too scary for him - except for online betting sites and apparently dating websites...... Oh and photographs of him mixing with us worldly folk, drinking, dancing and at a concert which was definitely not jw-friendly! Some very dodgy song titles...

Thanks for your advice WMF.

Finkelstein

Something you've got to realize is that all JWS are two faced hypocrites to one degree or another.

Some individuals are more than others because they exploit that white sheet of righteousness that the

JW organization places over themselves. Its a game that some are well practiced and infused into their personality and

character. There is a duality to JW character where they try to present a wholesome righteous side up front but

there's also a evil side which they perceive their righteous side can appropriately cover over.

If you want to find the most pretentious and disingenuous people, the local Kingdom Halls is the place to find them.

Kojack57

It's like I told my non witness friends, that the J-dubs who act the most pious are the biggest sinners of all.

Kojack

Broken Promises

Just what are you wanting to achieve by outing him?

lost1

Finklestein - I sure have learnt how two faced he can be. Promised me the earth, wanted out, seeing solicitor, sorting his life out blah blah but can see it was all bs. We are very similar in some ways but miles apart in others. I met him at a low point and maybe he took advantage of that. Abusive ex etc etc - another life, and fell for him big time - he did all the running and took a while for me to trust someone and having my eyes opened (which started by a google search on his name/hall which led me to here). Someone sure had it in for him!

Kojak - He sure has sinned!

BP - Maybe by outing him it will make the decision he said he wants eg getting out. But having my 30 seconds of revenge is not really the answer I know. He has to do it by himself and want to but being in position he is and not knowing any different since birth I really need to walk away, forget him and move on. EAsy to say but very hard to do - especially with someone who is an expert at mind games.

flipper

LOST 1 - I guess I have the same question as Broken Promises , what are you wanting to acheive by outing him ? If it's to set him straight and hopefully free his wife of pond scum like him, then good- IF she takes the opportunity to leave him. But if she's a JW woman and has been trained to be abused emotionally, mentally, physically, and stand by her man sexually in the case of him committing infidelity - she may be " guilted " into staying with him anyway by the congregation elders for appearance sake as a JW. He and her may kiss and make up , and your plan may backfire anyway.

The other option here is to just walk away, realize the guy was an a-hole, and move on in your life, cut your losses and learn to pick a better , more faithful man next time. In my past love life before my current wife, I had to do that with a couple former girlfriends- just realize they were not the " one " for me due to their drug use or infidelity - and live and let live and move on to a better relationship. In time I met Mrs. Flipper, and I'm very happy now. I always have felt it's better to move on in life than wasting time on revenge, anger, and resentment. Just a few words from someone who has been there. I wish you the besty. Hang in there P.S. If this guy is a dirtbag, believe me he won't keep it hidden from his wife for long, he'lll screw up again, so he'll get his in the end.

Question to the wise ones

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