Wow! It's been over a year since I visited the site and SEVEN years since I joined! Seven years since I stumbled across this forum in my quest to finding out some serious answers about the organization I'd been a part of since childhood.
I never imagined that I'd have the blinders ripped off my eyes! After coming face to face with the whole UN scandal, I was compelled to keep digging. I am eternally grateful to everyone who encouraged me to read Crisis of Conscience. What a perfect title!!! Back then, that's exactly what I felt like I was going through!! Getting my conscience to quiet down long enough for me to "listen" to the dangerous apostates wasn't an easy thing for me to do. But all it takes is that first inkling of truth - and THEY know that! That's why they keep such a strong hold on your obedience! Do not read anything not published by the Society - Do not question what you read - Do not seek higher education (where you may learn a little something about history)....lots of Do Nots.
But that's not what this topic is supposed to be about. Are you wondering what your life will be like after falling down the rabbit hole? Well it definitely changes. Here are a few of the ways I was most affected:
- I discovered who were my true friends. A true friend is someone who connects with your individual spirit. Most (if not all) JWs will not prove worthy of your friendship. Most will shun you. This will be painful, especially if you've been in your entire life. At the end of the day though, I know the people in my life now are there because they like/love ME and choose to be there.
- I had to learn to make decisions based on my own thought process. In the beginning, I questioned everything to see if the thought came from my own personal beliefs/thoughts or if it was a hold-over from my "training." It wasn't always easy - I had to be careful not to throw out the baby with the bath water - but I had to be sure I agreed with it and not because I was programmed to do so.
- Holidays - well, actually it started with birthdays. To celebrate or not? At first I let the kids go to parties and then I decided to let them have them. It took a few years, but when i decided that it was okay for us, I did so without guilt. After that, I thought about Christmas - now this was a big one! Yeah, I knew Jesus wasn't born on Dec 25th - yada, yada, yada....but the decision to celebrate it or not had to come from me. Ultimately I asked myself "why wasn't I celebrating it?" If the society had never told me "no" - wouldn't I have always celebrated it? So was I not celebrating it because I was following their rule, or because I seriously believed there was something wrong with it? I decided that there's no right and no wrong answer - BTW - the society allows many pagan practices - have you ever wondered why they allow some and not others?
- Sex, Drugs, Rock & Roll - Ending your relationship with the organization does not cause you to become a sex, drug craved derelict! It doesn't mean your marriage will end, your spouse will cheat, your kids will become drug addicts or gang bangers! And if I decide to do a little something-something - then that's MY decision and I'll live with it.
- Faith & Beliefs - I've concluded that for me, I don't and maybe won't ever have definitive answers ever again! I believe in a Higher Power, in doing Good towards others and respecting Life. I don't claim to know anything beyond that.
So....is it scary - HELL YEAH! But if you choose to, you can have a fulfilling, wonderful, meaningful life OUTSIDE the organization and you don't have to look any further for great examples of the possibility - or for help along your path getting there. Wishing you nothing but the BEST that life has to offer! - Nellie