So I was looking back at my (rather short) life thusfar. Usually people will talk about their glory days. Usually it is high school or college. Just a time of youth where you make a lot of mistakes but generally have a lot of fun and have important life experiences that help your growth as a person. My older brothers and sisters all have that. Granted, they all made some pretty bad mistakes but they generally had a fun experience growing up.
I look back and realize I never really had any glory days. Not really hard to fathom since I was a JW until I was almost 22 years old and was homeschooled from junior high all the way up through graduation. I had the typical "well-behaved dub" childhood. Nothing but meetings, field service, ministerial servant activities. I went to a community college but the guilt of doing so was destroying me so I gave up on it.
So now I'm no longer a JW. Most would probably so "Go out and live your life and enjoy it!" The problem is, I have no motivation to go out and do anything. I just don't seem to find much joy in anything and I just don't have excitement for anything anymore. I went out with a girl a few weeks ago and she asked me what I liked to do for fun. I completely blanked. I honestly don't really do anything for fun anymore. I work, come home, maybe listen to some music, watch a little bit of tv, then go to bed. On the weekends I might go out and have some drinks. Otherwise, I just sit at home doing whatever. That is pretty much the extent of my life. I don't even know what I would want to do for fun anyway. Everything that I used to enjoy just doesn't have the same appeal that it used to.
I guess I enjoyed playing sports and probably still would but it seems like any time I get out and running or anything I don't feel very good. I start to feel nauseous. Doesn't really matter since I left the JW's, all the people that I normally would play sports with no longer have anything to do with me. I used to enjoy increasing the library of movies that I've seen but anymore I find it hard to get interested in any movies I haven't seen. I used to enjoy playing video games but I just get bored so easily with them. Also, it seems like none of my friends are ever up for hanging out when I'm up for hanging out.
I thought about taking up a hobby but I just don't have the motivation to do so or even know what I would want to do for a hobby. I started playing guitar a few years ago but I lost interest in it as I didn't have time for lessons and constantly practicing and I wasn't getting any better trying to teach myself. I've been thinking about going to school but I have no idea what I want to go for.
I'm not even sure what my goal is in posting this. Just was thinking about all of this and just felt like I had to say it to someone. I don't know, it just seems kind of sad that I'm only 23 and I've essentially given up. I never really had any hopes or dreams growing up as JW since that was all I knew. Well thanks for reading my nonsense.