My email to my mother - sorry a bit long

by darthweef 31 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Black Sheep

  Welcome to the forum, Stephen.

  Have you sent the email? If you haven't .... don't. It doesn't allow for the WT's warnings about apostasy.

  The way I read it, you build a wall in your introduction, then throw yourself at it. If you play the game the way the WT wants you to, they will win. You need to make your point BEFORE the WT safeguards kick in.

  You damned near need a degree in a relevant branch of psychology to get through to a cult member. Don't make the mistake of thinking that your family is different, or reasonable. The forum is well populated by people who made that mistake. I'm one of them.

  Softly, softly, catchee monkey.

  Cheers

  Chris
• 

  00DAD

  Welcome,

  That was a very thoughtful email. I hope your mother reads it but don't be surprised if she doesn't.

  Have you read any of Steven Hassan's books on cult mind-control and how to reach cult members? I recommend his second book, Releasing the Bonds.

  Regarding the intellectual dishonesty of the WTBTS, that was one of the issues that initially got me doubting. Obviously we are not alone. The Society hates people that can think.

  A couple of days ago I wrote an essay on this very subject and it's affect on me personally and my family. If you're interested you can read it here:

  Planning an Escape: Truth Triumphs Over Lies!
• 

  trebor

  darthweef , welcome and that was well written. Try to not take it too much to heart when a likely scenario will be she will either not read it at all, only read parts, or read what she wants to read into what you are writing. To many Jehovah's Witnesses the ultimate explanation to everything is down to Jehovah is good, Satan is bad. If it is good, it is from Jehovah. If it is bad, it is from Satan.

  No matter what facts you present, they can simply be explained as Satan is manipulating (whatever) to make it appear that way. If it doesn't make sense, then you just wait on Jehovah.

  From those two thoughts alone, you have mental walls that will never fall unless the person is ready (if ever) to open up their minds to logic and (real) truth.
• 

  DesirousOfChange

  BLACK SHEEP: Have you sent the email? If you haven't .... don't. It doesn't allow for the WT's warnings about apostasy.

  The way I read it, you build a wall in your introduction, then throw yourself at it. If you play the game the way the WT wants you to, they will win. You need to make your point BEFORE the WT safeguards kick in.

  You damned near need a degree in a relevant branch of psychology to get through to a cult member. Don't make the mistake of thinking that your family is different, or reasonable. The forum is well populated by people who made that mistake. I'm one of them.

  DARTH-- I totally agree with Chris. You are going about this the wrong way. You need to come across confused, and innocently seeking answers/counsel/help. Instead, your email makes it clear you have made a thorough review and already convinced that WTS is all wrong. Apostacy!

  Your evidence of the blatant misquotes and misapplication of experts is a strong point (at least was with me and has been with several other friends). But again, you should present it in the light of "How can this be?" "Why would WTS be devious and deceptive IF evolution is so clearly wrong?" "Why would they need to use fabricated quotes if there are so many 'experts' who support their view?"

  I would just leave it with "Why did they have to LIE?" and "What else might they have LIED about?"

  Also, cut the human history that you say is over 6000 years old. JWs base those "errors" on the inaccuracy of radiocarbon-dating. You cannot win the "science is sincere but all wrong" on that issue. (Scientists discount the "fact" that prior to "The Flood" the rate of radioactive decay would have been signficantly less making old artifacts look incorrectly older. That is the idea espoused by JWs thru the years. Additionally, google the subject and there is an abundance of arguments they can use to support the view.)

  You seem like a new JW -- all zealous to convince your family with a ton of info that will overwhelm your mom.

  To be successful you need to be a "sharpshooter". Put down the "scatter gun".

  Good luck,

  Doc
• 

  clarity

  Darthweef ... welcome aboard!

  Excellent content Darth.

  I would start with this statement.............>

  "I have always found you to be a honest student of science, and someone who enjoys researching topics, "....

  >

  Also, you know intuitively (title) that this is a bit too long wordy! Maybe try more of a point form(?)

  & remove some words/sentences that don't really add value to your message.

  <

  Whatever you do please give her eyes and concentration a break ... literally ...

  by breaking this into much shorter paragraphs.

  >

  All in all well done, it definately states your case and is a loving gesture to Mom.

  >

  I hope she sees it that way and decides that no one (not even god) is gonna make her shun her own son!!!

  >

  Best wishes ..... hope to hear much more about you.

  clarity
• 

  Billy the Ex-Bethelite

  Welcome!

  Good explanation. My parents are only about a scientific as Awake would permit, so they'd be lost in the first paragraph. I've used Noah, but not much about evolution with them.

  "I'd love some feedback on the email and what you think the possibility of it actually breaking through the "permafrost" created by the society."

  Everybody is different, so it's hard to say if or what would break through. For me, I've never actually written anything, just keep it to one-on-one non-confrontational conversations. I might suggest that in the opening you start more personal, emotional, and logical. I know that when I speak and look in their eyes, they understand, "this is my son." Speaking in a calm, rational tone reminds them, "he's not a raving demon-possessed apostate." The tone of emails can really get distorted, particularly if they're forwarded. And with my parents, I try to use the, "you taught me that we need to really understand and defend our faith," "you taught me that the truth has nothing to fear from careful examination," diffferent types of phrasing that jolts their mind into listening to carefully analyzed facts. It's not like they are the type to say, "SON, WE TAUGHT YOU TO IGNORE FACTS!" Unfortunately, too many JW parents would probably yell that at their kids.
• 

  Giordano

  Good advice on not sending it. If you are trying to keep a relationship alive with your mother follow the advice of Billy.

  I'd keep what you wrote in your draft file and use sections of it that fit into one of our many lively debates.

  However if you are compelled to e-mail her borrow this from Nugget it was short and sweet:

  "It was the intellectual dishonesty of the society that I found frustrating and annoying. They made a liar of me because I thought their research was robust and quoted from their publications."

  My mother tolerated my drift from the 'truth' but I never could bring her around over the next 40 years.

  Good luck (we can say that here) and WELCOME!
• 

  darthweef

  Thanks for all the advice .. I had already sent the email, and I don't regret that. My parents and I have an odd relationship and therefore retaining it is not necessarily that important to me if they only want under the condition that I pretend to respect this organization.

  Those of you who said she would cry Apostacy were right on the money. They have also cut off any further relationship with me in order to protect their ignorance from the wiles of science.

  Wish I could say I was upset about it, or felt anything about it really. In the end, I have developed a much larger family and freinds over the last couple of years and I think that the clean break from the "former things" is probably the best way to go about it anyway.

  Thanks again for all the support, I'll definitely be hanging about the forums from time to time and I look forward to getting to know you all.

  For those of you who are interested, here is a copy of her reply .. minus a few overly personal comments.

  <EMAIL>

  My dear son Stephen,
  
  Today I got the letter from you that I have dreaded for a long time....although I always hoped that I would not get it. You are expressing the thoughts of an apostate. You have become critical of Jehovah's channel on earth. All your comments about the research you did, the inclusion of the society's publications, and the spouting of your "wise and intellectual" expressions on scientific theories on evolution might sound very impressive and even intimidating to an uneducated person. To me they sound like a very unhappy boy who has lost his purpose in life. To me they speak directly to motive, that is a direct and calculated way to find error and fault with Jehovah's organization. I think back to a return visit we made here in Sioux Falls with a woman over at 5th and Lewis and you made an equally zealous defense of the truth. I think of your talk on Romans 8:20 when you showed Jehovah's ability to resolve mankind's sad condition. But that same ability has never been coupled with, or at least is not currently rooted with any emotional attachment to Jehovah. And what have you gained by all this time spent on "research"? Does your current thinking give you anything more than the knowledge that you have no Creator? Does it help you dismiss the future? Have you focused so much on the science that you forget the Biblical prophesies and other aspects of the Bible that make it Divine? What's your goal? Do you need an excuse to wake up, eat and drink, and have no one to give an accounting?
  
  Here is the conclusion for me...why do you want to write and try to undermine my absolutely awesome way of life? What makes you motivated to challenge the most High God, Jehovah? It would not matter if I am totally wrong about what I believe (although that is not the case). You know why? Because I live a fulfilling life and have great joy in teaching people about how to love, how to find happiness in life, and comfort in a world that is very cruel. What do you give to your fellow man? Hard, cold reality? The exposure to your intellectual prowess ? You are empty now. Your spiritual vacuum has been sucked dry of truth.
  
  Your father has given me clear and specific instruction to tell you that staying here in the Fall is no longer an option. We will protect our spiritual heritage and defend our position until such a time that you again "call on the Name of Jehovah"(Acts 2:21) Communication of the type you sent today is not welcome.
  
  I wish you were a parent so you could understand how hard this is and how awful it feels to experience the pain of seeing your current state. (2 Peter 2:21,22) I hope you are able to come to your senses.
  
  You will always be loved by us and you will always be our son.
  Love, Mom and Dad

  </EMAIL>
• 

  MidwichCuckoo

  Because I live a fulfilling life and have great joy in teaching people about how to love, how to find happiness in life, and comfort in a world that is very cruel. What do you give to your fellow man? Hard, cold reality? The exposure to your intellectual prowess ? You are empty now. Your spiritual vacuum has been sucked dry of truth.
  
  Your father has given me clear and specific instruction to tell you that staying here in the Fall is no longer an option.

  They just can't see it, can they..? It makes me angry that they behave like victims.
• 

  Diest

  Your mothers response make me so sad. It really makes me cry a little and just reminds me why I think religion poisons everything.