Getting it off my chest.

by Tamasin 20 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Tamasin

    Hi all, I have been a "lurker" here for some time and feel like I want to share my experience in the hope that it relieves me of dark thoughts I can't shake. I was "brought into the truth" by a guy, he had to let me study with a girl of course but always had me ear marked to preach in Bangladesh one day. FYI this is a guy who was disfellwoshipped many times and once shaved his head and sent it to Bethel apparently it's something to do with some form of repentance in the Bible or something? Anyway I digress.

    Before I was baptised he was disfellowshipped and I had broken things off with him, as I wanted to be spiritual and do things right. He threatened that when I came up from the baptismal water I would hear a gunshot. Him or me I never clarified lol. Anyway I was baptised with no drama, and heard nothing from except the random 5 am phone call with him crying quietly. Sadly my father passed away after I cared for him and I drove 2000 kms so he could be buried at his birthplace, which he always called home. Lo and behold my brother (actual brother) tells me Bud (the guy) was at the town!!!! He had driven all that way for who knows what reason. Still disfellowshipped, I'm still a very good little JW and I just thought how selfish of him. He came to the funeral of my father drunk, as he feels my Dad would have approved (WTF??!), yes my Dad loved a beer or 10 but it's a funeral seriously!!!!!!! Anyway as I left the cemetery he was waving his massive fucking hard bound NWT translation at the guy who buried my Dad, I don't know what religion he was a s I was very new to the Witness org and didn't know what was right or wrong. All I really knew was don't stand up at the hymn or whatever. So confusing and frightening :( So then this dick turns up to the drinks at the pub after the funeral, my Dad was a shearer, worked damn hard and loved his pub. I asked my relatives to ask him to leave and he said he wanted his 10$ back he put in the thing they passed around to help my brother and I out with expenses. Sigh none of this really is going anywhere, long story cut a little shorter, I'm inactive for the last 5 yrs or so, and he is back in and zealously ruining other peoples lives no doubt.

    The CO who was assessing him to see if he could be re-instated was so impressed as this guy knows most scriptures off by heart, and all I could think was the men who know the words but it's not in their hearts. I used to love the Bible, didn't know anything about God or anything like that until the Witnesses at age 25 got me, and now I feel it's ruined any possible chance at a relationship with God as now I don't even know if there is one and if there is I assume I'm unrighteous as I turned my back on the "truth". So sad that so many peoiple have been hurt by this religions behaviour. My story isn't as harrowing as others but of course it's still awful to me, everytime I remember my beautiful Dad I also remember that effing lunatic!!! Ok chest relieved, thanks you all, this is a very nice place with good people. Sorry I lurk so much I'm a bit shy but not tonight :)

  • Fernando

    Hey Tamasin!

    Welcome and thank you for sharing your story.

    Yes, the Watchtower is destructive, precisely because it promotes religion instead of the real and full "good news" message.

    According to this message our dysfunction is IMPUTED to Jesus and his righteousness is IMPUTED to us - as a free gift, if we want it!!!

    It is no accident that the Pharisees do not want us accepting IMPUTED righteousness, since they will then no longer be able to keep us captive to their futile system of trying to earn our righteousness (on their terms).

    If this is of interest you can simply find and read everything Paul wrote about righteousness...

    Best wishes on life's journey and here on JWN.


    " God put the wrong on him who never did anything wrong, so we could be put right with God" (2 Cor 5:21, The Message Bible)

    "The one who did not know sin he made to be sin for us, that we might become God’s righteousness by means of him" (2 Cor 5:21, NWT).

  • wasblind

    Welcome Tamasin

    Glad your out, now you have first hand knowledge of a crazy cult and what it does to folk

    it seems this guy is spendin' his life tryin' to please an organization that never thinks one can do

    " enough "

    as long as he's connected to this cult, he will always be messed up, it's the root of his problems

    also, It's nothin' new to be turned off by religion, after experience wit a cult , extremes in anything

    ain't good. Folks need balance

    Jehovah's witnesses are fanatics who think every breathin' moment should be used for the preachin' work

    whether at work, school, or ridin' on a bus, use that opportunity to convert someone

    Glad your out

  • elderelite

    Welcome :-) always good when a lurker can take step towards active participation...

    Lets call him what he is: a stalker. Jw or not, hes a stalker and seems to have mental issues. Stay far away.

  • Black Sheep
    Black Sheep

    Hi Tamasin. Sorry to hear about your Dad.

    That guy sounds like damaged goods, well worth steering clear of. He's not the only one. Hasn't got what it takes to stay 'in', hasn't got what it takes to mentally free himself.

    Make sure that doesn't happen to you. The WT's claim to authority is that they were selected to be Jehovah's sole channel of communication, starting in 1919, so do your homework and find out for sure if the claim is true or false.

    ... and you can't be unrighteous for leaving the 'Truth' if it was just the uninspired ramblings of a bunch of self deluded old farts in Brooklyn. The opposite would be true.


  • cantleave

    Hi Tamasin,

    What a Bizzare fellow!!

    EE is right, he is stalker. I am glad you have escaped. Enjoy your stay here

  • GLTirebiter

    Welcome! You had a close call, but made a safe escape.

    You summed up the Watchtower nicely yourself: "all I could think was the men who know the words but it's not in their hearts." I can think of no more succint way to describe what's wrong in that organization.

  • tec

    ... and you can't be unrighteous for leaving the 'Truth' if it was just the uninspired ramblings of a bunch of self deluded old farts in Brooklyn.


    In fact, the exact opposite can be true: You were called out, and you listened.

    It is ironic, to me, that the WTS uses the verse 'come out of her, my people' to get people to come in to the WTS... and doesn't even consider that they are a part of her, themselves.

    I felt the same as you did. Still thought it was the truth (wasn't baptized, but almost), when I decided to stop studying. I felt like the rich man who couldn't give up his riches to follow Christ.

    But of course I felt that way! Of course you feel that way! The WTS society sets itself up as the Truth... when only Christ is the Truth. They put themselves in the seat of Christ, giving themselves titles and roles that belong only to Him. So we feel as though we are turning away from Christ if we turn away from the WTS. That is how they WANT us to feel. Keeps people in... because no one who loves Christ (the Truth, the Life) wants to turn away from Him.

    I am sorry that memories of your father are twisted with memories of your ex. Perhaps focus instead on memories of him while he was alive, and also when you were a child, things like that. Maybe you set aside memories of your father's funeral, but not the memories of the man,himself.

    Peace and welcome to the board,


  • MrFreeze

    Welcome aboard! What a creepo that guy is.

  • clarity

    Tamasin ...... welcome aboard

    Take your time ..... just start at the beginning... and unwind.

    Start examining everything you were led to believe .... this site will be very helpful in your search.

    Let go of any guilt & fear that has been drummed into you ... it is not useful.

    Hang in there, best wishes to you.


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