So this week was stressful and emotional. My husband's Witness family found out that we where not attending meeting anymore. It was hard but better then living a lie and my husband did not want to go to the 2 day which is coming up in June. They would have noticed if we did not go so it better if they find out now. But we are going on vacation with them in 2 weeks so their probably be more questions. At this point they just know we have doubts and are doing our research and have not made any decisions. I feel like i'm going through a roller coaster of emotions and its making feel physically sick. I feel like i'm mourning - it hurts my heart so much to have my blinders off. One of them said if I dont go to meeting I'm just letting Satan in. My husband and I both thought they where totally not going to want to talk to us again. I feel uncomfortable around them and anxious.
I was talking to my mom (she just ties in on the meeting but not regular and inactive most my life). I talked for over a 2 hours going from one subject to the next for the reason why I'm not going to meetings. I was tellling her how sick it makes me think about the song "10,000 may be falling" but having such a happy and upbeat melody. I remember loving that song at the KH. But I never listened to what I was singing or maybe I did not care. I guess you need a thick skin to be JW. The articles, pictures in the books -make you desensatized and pray for a time when god will destroy all those unrigteous people 6 billion people (helpless kids, just in the US there is over 5 million people with Alzheimers disease, etc - they cant make an informed choice). My mom stated but its true and it is going to happen. The scripture is in the Psalms not necessary a prophecy for the future its a poem. The society make it into a prophecy. But she did not listen to that.
I talked about Jesus new commandment to love each other. What kind of loving person was I to turn my back on my disfellowshiped dad and sister.
I said that faithful and discreet slave are making themseves higher then Jehovah. Jehovah's servants did not meekly follow - they questioned, they argued, they said it is unthinkable of God to destroy if found ... righteous in Sodom and Gomorah. I asked her If I was wrong. But she did not answer me. She stated if "I keep talking like I am I'm going to get myself disfellowshiped. ""Do I know what that means. You have a lot to lose. I wont speak to you anymore. You will loose most of your family"
Today she stated "I cant believe your an Apostate. I never this that could have happened. It feels like a bad dream." She told me that it starts out by not believing the society, then the bible then not believing god.
The more I read in the bible the more I see that the society is not right. There are just so many questions its never ending. I need to learn to shut up when I'm talking to JW family. Because I dont want my baby to have no contact with his family and It to be my fault. I did not have alot of my family growing up because my mom was inactive and my dad was disfellowshiped. I dont want my baby to not have family and feel insecure. I want him to feel well loved. I dont want to take that away from him.