I can't go into details but basically having been off the JW radar for years i'm now firmly back on it. Just recently it feels like i can't move without a JW being in the way! They are trying a tactic with me which I've seen done many many times when i was a JW myself. Its called being forcibly nice! This is a brand of niceness which is not so much sugar coated as aspartame and saccharine dripping. Totally false but done with the idea of "if we start off being nice to her then she will have to drop her guard, she will have to be nice back and then we can start ""encouraging her""!" Its done in the knowledge that no one could reasonably object to someone being nice. Although some of the attempts I've seen over the past couple of days have been positively cringe worthy. almost quite demeaning to the person trying to put on the "nice act". They have been trying to engage me in conversation that is banal and inane in the extreme. Even answers from me like "i'm fine thankyou" are met with "oooh! goooooood! i'm sooooooooo pleased!!!!!!!" Major OTT.I give off all body language that cannot be mistaken and that any other reasonable person would take as a serious hint to get lost. But this is lost on them or they ignore it. Even worse it has been fed back to me through my relatives that the JW's are reporting back to them that they had a "nice friendly conversation" with me, its related in a tone of extreme hopefulness. When i'm unfriendly to them it gets related back as " i was only trying to be friendly but she was so rude!" Its all very very clever. Theocratic warfare at its most sly. But no they shall not get me back, but i for see allot more irritation and sycophantic moments in the future. I have though perfected the art of the fake call! I pretend to text someone, when really setting an alarm for 1 min time, then i pick up the phone when the alarm goes off "sorry i've got to take this" and proceed to walk out of the room while having my fake conversation.
Jw's forcing "niceness" on people
by highdose 26 Replies latest jw friends
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Scott77
They have been trying to engage me in conversation that is banal and inane in the extreme. highdose Hi Highdose,
I think, this is the greatest shame of all. How could they do that? Seriously I think, they are being desperate, going to that extra length to win people like your kind at all cost. However, I am grad you are obvious to all what is going on. Please, keep up. Family members can be particularly soft target for watcthower manipulation. Mr. Flipper's very enriching and exciting posts about his experiences are a great example to always keep in mind.
Scott77
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ziddina
They may pretend that it's "niceness", but it's really MANIPULATION...
An overt, clumsy form of it, too...
No wonder your teeth are set on edge!!
I used to get very angry at that sort of behavior - my response was to be as brutally honest about my perception of their actions, as socially possible...
I never actually HIT anybody, but....
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highdose
Ziddina, i know exactly what you mean, i do feel like smacking these people right in their smiling sycophantic gobs sometimes Thing is they know that i once was a JW worth having, regular, obedient and very "strong in the truth". They can't seen to get their heads around the idea that someone so devout has utterly left and left for good. Surely they must know that i know whats going on... i wasn't baptized yesterday!
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Black Sheep
Let them.
Just don't take a bait unless they have tossed you one that is going to really backfire on them.... and be nice to them when you do it.
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highdose
black sheep, the trouble with being nice back is it just encourages them. makes them think that they are "winning me without a word", i know that at some point the "niceness" will start to be mixed with "encouragement" and "informal witnessing" followed by suggestions of coming to "just one meeting" or a bible study offer. these people really do not understand the meaning of the word "no" and have no respect for anyone else opinions I saw this happen as a JW, the long faded family member of a fellow JW would make the mistake of attending a meeting or a JW social function. They would get saturated with love bombing, people who weren't really bothered about them felt it was their duty to "show an interest" in the person. As i recall the person nearly always had the look of a deer in headlights...
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Bangalore
If niceness is forced,then it can't really be considered niceness can it? Maybe Pseudo-niceness.
Bangalore
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Black Sheep
the trouble with being nice back is it just encourages them.
That is my aim.
I want them to try and 'save' me.
It's the only way I can get them to think about the BS the WT serves them up as meat in due season.
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Phizzy
Huggles to Highdose !!
I really feel for you in your situation, for me keeping my mouth shut has been the hardest thing in the past, but I have had to. The love-bombing is so false, and obviously so, because it is only done when they happen to be in contact with you, a true caring friend would put themselves out to come and see you, they never do.
As you rightly say, the whole thing is always on their terms and at their convenience, so ,so, false.
I suggest quizzing them quite hard about their life, how are they coping, what do they find hard, couch the questions as genuine interest, but then you find where the JW life is pressuring them.
If they say something like "We are so busy !" you can say something like I did on the last occasaion I heard that from a Dub "I know, life for a Witness is so hectic, you never seem to have time for yourself , at present I seem to need quiet and peace a lot"
That then stops them pressuring you to go to meetings etc, hopefully.
Just an idea, but have a go back in some way with AWW (AntiWitWarfare)
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Witness My Fury
Sometimes people cant (or wont) take a hint... then the default position comes into play for you: "I wasn't born (baptized) yesterday you know, I know what game you are playing and I don't appreciate it." Or "I know what you are trying to do here, and it aint gonna happen."
The reply will be denial usually followed by - I was just being nice to you!
However as always this depends on your end game requirements, ...things like not being flagged up for disfellowshipping etc,
I am awaiting some of this myself, elders threatening a "visit" (im guessing memorial invite time).
Kudos to you on the alarm / call method though I like it...