Kool Jo, I agree with Flipper that it's really good to have you here. Try to go slowly and not pressure yourself too much -- at least at first. Take all the time that you need and want to do things the right way for you, whatever that is. I've seen some threads where people jump on folks for not doing things more in line with a timeline that they themselves think would be appropriate. Ignore those posts! Whatever you decide -- whether it's staying in, leaving soon, fading slowly, whatever...it's you and your life and no one else's. Just give yourself enough time to figure it out and don't let anyone put pressure on you, especially from this board. The fact is, none of us walks in your shoes. Trust your own judgement and know that there will be many here who will be here to be supportive.
Things seen cannot be unseen and you cannot unlearn the truth about "The Truth" once you know it for what it is.
Wishing you all the best on this challenging journey!
LaVérité