ExJW who was a former friend explains why she defriended me on FB - and my response!

by Broken Promises 44 Replies latest jw friends

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  Broken Promises

  Hi Broken Promises,
  
  Since I'll be seeing you on Saturday [at her sister’s wedding who is also an exJW], I thought I should let you know why I removed you from my friends list and didn't accept your last request. I did this because I saw you were in an ex Jehovah's Witness recovery group. I may have left the Witnesses but I still respect them highly and believe they teach the truth. My time with them was a very positive one and I'm grateful for the things I learned while I was there. I only left because my heart just wasn't in it.
  
  I believe we're all entitled to our opinions and to choose the way we live our lives so I don't bear you any ill-will at all. I really do hope you're well and happy and enjoying life.
  
  Regards,

  [former friend]

  My response:

  Hi [former friend],
  
  So you regard me as an evil apostate? Is that the reason you don't want to be a fb friend? Because I don't see how me belonging to an exJW group has any affect on you or your beliefs.
  
  Obviously you don't believe in all of the JW principles yourself or you wouldn't be living with your boyfriend longterm without the benefit of marriage.
  
  I also find your stand confusing when you post things on your fb wall about love and tolerance, yet you don't practice those qualities in your life. If you did, we wouldn't be having this conversation.
  
  As I said, I don't see how my belonging to an exJW group has any affect on you. My position as a former JW is no different to you. I am not df'd nor da'd so I can't see what threat I present to you.
  
  Good luck

  NB: I know perfectly why she unfriended me – she’s still under the spell of the Watchtower. But I hope I’ve framed a few things that will make her think. Or maybe not, since she’s been out for a while and still believes in that crap.
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  TOTH

  I am going through a similar situation with a jw. She has harbored doubts for years and when she voiced them she had benn slapped down pretty hard. I voiced a concern to her about the way the wt deals with the elderly and infirm bethelites. She scolded me and said NOT to DARE speak negatively about the org. I called her on her own hypocrisy and attitude and effed her off. Recently we began speaking again and she reitterated her faith in the imperfect org, but that we could be friends so long as I don't voice any more concerns....

  I am afraid like your friend, mine is still under that old wt spell.
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  Broken Promises

  The ironic thing is that I haven't been on that exJW recovery group for over a year, lol!!!

  And you're right, TOTH, they're complete hypocrites but they're too brainwashed to see it.
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  Azazel

  Never mind BP she still has the programming to get thru. It took me some time to adjust my eyes from the blinding light of the WTS and see the real truth. She will either come around to being your friend or return to the Washtowel Society. Good on you for trying at least.

  Az
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  Witness My Fury

  You did the right thing.

  I met up with an ex jw about 2 years ago from my old hall. I wanted to meet him to get some perspective on leaving and how he'd avoided getting DFd and how much hassle he got / was getting etc... He'd had a rough time of it and had been out for about 4 years by then, he was a light smoker and showed me his Metalica tatoo and we chatted for a couple of hours.

  I said I was fed up with it and had been researching into my beliefs and had come to the conclusion it was a mind control cult. He was appalled by this and said he still believed it was the truth (more than once). I backed off.

  He was not faking it about still believing it to be the truth to avoid some kind of entrapment from me... He still believed it.

  The mind fuck is strong...
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  leavingwt

  MOST inactive and former JWs are still captive to the concept that WT is God's Organization. A significant percentage live in fear of Armageddon. Some inactive and/or DF'd ones know the WT is bunk, but must pretend to still believe it's The Truth in order to maintain what little relationships they may have with close JW family members.
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  Amelia Ashton

  I have found out the hard way that friends can voice doubts, criticise and even leave but the minute I mention my doubts I am told Satan has caught me!
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  NewChapter

  That was a good response.

  I was inactive for 2 years in the 90's. I was doing all kinds of things that could get me in 'trouble' had I been active. I just felt I was not able to live up to the requirements, but the weakness was mine and the WT was god's organization. I lived in fear of Armegeddon every single day. I always felt just a little uneasy, and had that feeling there was something I should be doing. Sometimes I could numb it---if I drank enough. But I couldn't (or didn't) drink every day---so it was a very rough time. I used to wake up in middle of the night with panic attacks----thinking I could never get it together enough to go back to Jehovah.

  And I would have done the same thing your friend did! No matter what I was doing 'wrong', I wouldn't celebrate the holidays. Then I'd feel like the worst hypocrite, and lament that I was bringing reproach on Jehovah's name---because my MIL wanted me to come for Christmas. She knew my life style, so when I'd say, no I can't, it must have really pissed her off. I used to console myself with the thought that I may do a lot wrong, but I'm not a pagan.

  Sick right? That's what being captive to a concept is all about. It hurts the brain.

  I'm much better now, and maybe your friend will be one day too. Until then, her life will never make sense to anyone that exists outside her own brain. It's good to be finally free, and I wouldn't want to be back in your friend's circumstances for anything in the world. I feel very sorry for her---she's in an impossible spot.

  NC
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  Amelia Ashton

  I feel very sorry for her---she's in an impossible spot.

  So true.

  There is a huge gulf between those of us who discover the truth about the WT and leave and those who just can't do it any more or get d'fd. If they still believe and think they are the problem, not the bOrg at fault then the rest of us are "mentally diseased apostates" and to be avoided.

  The doubts of others are apostasy but our own doubts are just that, doubts. Funny how the mind works when you are in a cult!
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  blondie

  This certainly comes under the "straining out the gnat, but gulping down the camel" category.

  It also illustrates what many jws live by, it is more important what humans see than what God sees. The WTS uses this scripture a lot but evidently not applying it to itself and its members.

  Ezekiel 8: 12 And he proceeded to say to me: “Have you seen, O son of man, what the elderly ones of the house of Israel are doing in the darkness, each one in the inner rooms of his showpiece? For they are saying, ‘Jehovah is not seeing us. Jehovah has left the land.’”