So Jehovah Watches What Kind of Sex Married People Have? (page 2)

Flat_Accent

Forget the semantics about what's perverted and what's not. Play it safe! Just stick to consensual sex in the missionary position for the sole purpose of procreation.

HintOfLime

Jehovah is a bit of a backseat-driver in the WT marriage. He doesn't get in on the action himself, but he likes to sit in the back and watch while telling you how you should be doing it.

You can almost picture him sitting in the corner of the room watching....

- Lime

PS: "JW's never have marital issues!"

This makes me smile...I know how things were in my JW marriage. The sex was far between and pretty much mechanical and stale. Oral was a no-no, even though we still did it once in awhile (he always felt guilty afterward and swore it wasn't going to happen anymore). Now, knowing him and how he's married to an uber-JW...I laugh knowing I'm having better sex than either of them ever will.

I guess since Jehoobie only practices his sick voyeurism with married couples, I'm safe. I can continue my perversions unhindered

geevee

When you are young you are continually made to feel guilty if you have a "fiddle"... Then when you are "courting" you are made to feel guilty about anything you might do or touch.... Once you are married, you are kind of off the guilt hook. Now we can't have that, so let a single man who hated women decide what is only right and proper in the bedroom and let's keep them all feeling guilty!

WTWizard

This is the problem with Jehovah. And why his Bible, and worse, religions that intensify the guilt aspect, contributes to stagnation in people's private lives. He is always meddling--sometimes to spoil your enjoyment of sex, and other times to prevent you from getting any at all. Sometimes this is done within the context of guilt trips--religions (the witlesses) are guilty of this. Other times, Jehovah is aware that he could get you to go to Nigeria and recruit everyone there in a religion (or into the Value Destroyer Training School, or monastery work, or Beth Hell), but your sex drive is in his way and he needs to make sure it never gets fulfilled.

As such, Jehovah can take his nose and shove it. I don't need that Almighty Lowlife Scumbag to prevent me from finding a partner. I also don't need him directing me on what to do that might turn off a partner, or limit the joy it could produce. Besides, having sex (even promiscuous sex) would be more fun, and ultimately more benefit to society, than a Nigeria mission or Value Destroyer Training School. At least it would have had ongoing effects--most missionary or monastery work is generally wasted.

Don't believe me? Just ask Jeremiah. He was called on to do missionary work within Israel. He was deprived of joys and fulfillment, he had much hard work, Jehovah unjustly exploited him--and, even if Israel initially responded, they had to be destroyed in the end anyways. Thus, that mission was a complete waste.

lifestooshort

Hey if He likes to watch He likes to watch. It is what it is.

Larsinger58

The most "perverted" in their sexual views is the WTS and the GB themselves. Since we are dealing with sex, hope you don't mind me getting a little graphic.

For ine, the Bible and Jehovah do no condemn MASTURBATION as the WTS does. So they start off with a perverted view of sex. God created sex to be enjoyed, even as an individual. Look at nature and learn from nature. Ever hear of a "wet dream"? That's when young boys reaching puberty start to get sexually aroused and it is accompanied by an erotic dream which creates their first ejaculation. This is nature teaching us about sex and how to masturbate. That is, we masturbate while fantasizing about something erotic. It's perfectly natural with some conditions.

In the OT, it is called "covering the feet." The two instancs are when Eglon went to a private patio area and his servants thought he was "covering his feet" (i.e. masturbating). When it took longer than normal and they checked on him, he had been killed. The key here is the context. Masturbation takes privacy. Simply taking a shit in the woods or a leak doesn't. Thus we find the second inciddent also in the context of being alone and private. That is when Saul sought out a lonely cave to "cover his feet", meaning to masturbate. Now remember, these are men at war. They wouldn't try to find a private cave just to take a dump. They would just go in the bushes nearby and take care of business. But masturbation is a bit different. You need privacy, quiet and more time. That is why Saul sought out a cave to masturbate.

Why the euphemism "covering the feet"? Good question. It has to do with Jewish law that says if semen gets on the skin then one must be unclean for the evening and to bathe in water. To avoid this while masturbating, therefore, the practice was to masturbate while standing up so that the semen would not get on the skin. Of course, if you're not a 'shooter' but a "dribbler" (yes, I'm talking basketball here!!!) then some semen might get on your feet. So to prevent that, the feet were covered. So the euphemism for masturbation was to go and cover you feet. Cute, huh? (I hope all of you wrote this down because you will be tested on this later! )

Of coursre, the critical reference that masturbation was part of the culture was the rule itself for semen making one unclean. Leviticus 15:16 says: "Now in case a man has an emission of semen go out from him, he must then bathe all his flesh in water and be unclean for the evening. And any garment and any skin upon wich the emission of semen gets to be mus be washed with wter and be unclan until the evening."

Now do you observe here any mention of a woman? Further the context is not in regards to intercourse since semen would likely be ejaculated within a woman, right? But if this is talking abou masturbation, it fits the context of the semen possibly getting on clothing or skin. Further, the very next verse then covers when semen is emitted during intercourse. Verse 18: "As for a woman with whom a man may lie down with an emission of semn, they must bathe in water and be unclean until evening."

See? The former is a separate situation for the emission of semen. It's about the emission of semen when a man is alone during masturbation.

NT REFERENCE: The NT reference to masturbation is handling one's vessel or "possessing one's vessel." The vessel in this case is the penis, which indeed shells the vas deferens. Since masturbation does decrease the sex drive and sexual tension, it is recommended it be used to help prevent temptation for fornication. However, 1 Thessalonians does instruct that Christians learn to do this properly and not like the nations. Huh? Meaning because fantasies are associated with masturbation those fantasies which be within the Christian normal for sex, which means within the marital setting. Or to be blunt, you're not supposed to fantasize about being picked up by 5 or six prostitutes who then have their way with you. Sure that's erotic, but it encourages thoughts of immorality. Instead, the Christian should confine his thoghts to a marital situation. But this is not to be judged or manipulated by others. This is an individual choice. That's because there is a lot of leeway here for "marital." After all, you could always pretend you were king Solomon with 500 wives!! Who needs to fantasize about a prostitute if you're king Solomon?

Anyway, I'm going to interpret ths line by line for you so you don't interject anything I don't mean or in case you are confused.

1 Thessalonians 4:3-8. The context here is doing something to avoid fornication but not as the nations do.

"For this is what God wills, the santifying of you that you abstain from fornication."

Okay, God wants us to abstain from fornication, and next is how to help do that.

4 that each one of you should know how to get possession of his own vessel in sanctification and honor,

Getting "possession of your vessel" is a euphemism for fornication. In other words, one should learn how to handle his penis during masturbation in sanctification and honor. Or each should know how to masturbate properly. Next is some detail on how to do this. "Sanctification and honor" is a refderence to appropriate Christian sexual conduct, that is, basically within a martial setting; marriage is a sanctified and honorable context for appropriate Christian behavior.

"5 not in covetous sexual appetie such as also those nations have which do not know God."

This says it all. "Covetous sexual appetite" means desiring sex that is forbidden, like having sex with another man's wife. So a Christian, though not having actual sex with anyone during masturbation, would be wrong to fantasize about having sex with his brother's wife, which is "covetous" and adulterous. The nations are permissive of all kinds of sexual behavior but a Christian has standards above that of the world.

So in other words, just because fantasy is not real, one needs to keep those fantasies within appropriate Christian behavior. That's all this is saysing.

IN SUMMARY: The WTS' GB are the perverted ones who condemn masturbation which God created for single persons to enjoy and help control the natural sexual urges we get. If they haven't gotten masturbation correct, how can they chime in on something like oral or anal sex. So they are just a big JOKE. Most important, they give the Bible a bad reprutation. Some thing it is God who is making these restrictions when it is not. God created sex to be enjoyed, even if you're single. Take a lesson from "nature"! Look at where Jehovah placed the cllitoris in a woman! It sure isn't put there for intercourse. It's put there in a very "handy" (pun intended) place so women would relieve sexual tension during masturbation. That is the primary purpose of the clitoris. Those without a "healthy" attitutude toward sex get into positions of oversight and then start to impose those puritanical and "perverted" concepts on others and it turns out to be a big mess, with them adding more burdens on the flock than Christ or Jehovah does.

So the most important thing here is to make sure if you're criticizing God or the Bible that you are actually criticizing something in the Bible and not something in the Watchtower or that some preacher has misinterpreted.

WHAT ABOUT ORAL AND ANAL SEX? Apparently it was engaged in without condemnation. Nothing specifically is said about this that condemns it. One reason for coming to this conclusion is because God's law stated that a man should not lie down with another man as he would with a woman. Well men don't have vaginas so lying down with another man for vaginal intercourse is impossible. That leaves oral and anal sex which are possible between two men and customary in homosexual behavior. So it sense if oral and anal sex was part of "lying down with a woman" which is possible with another man.

GERBLNG CONDEMED: On the other hand, other types of sexual behavior are indirectly condemned. This is the case with gerymandering, the practice of removing the teeth from a gerble and inserting it into the anus where it squirms until it dies.

www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=gerbling

The process of inserting a gerble into a test tube and inserting the test tube into your anus to increase sexual pleasure.

This is the context of the Philistine Axis Lords who apparently became obsessed with this practice. So Jehovah caused them to break out in painful "piles" (hemmorhoids). If you have a lot of huge hemmorrhoids it's not so fun inserting gerbles into your anus. As a result the Axis Lords made golden images of their piles and of the gerboas (a small jumping rodent). (1 Samuels 5 and 6)

So this is not direct by any means, but it certainly suggests gerbling is a "pervision" frowned upon by Jehovah. Nothering exists in the Bible that condemns either oral or anal sex. In fact, I think that since the Jews were forbidden to have sex with menstruating women, anal intercourse might have been considered the optional alternative, as well as oral sex.

The bottom line is if the Bible is SILENT about it, then so should the WTS. These things apparnently are left up to the individuals involved and should not be "micromanaged" by a religion, who is sexually clueless Biblically.

LS

darth frosty

THis thread reminds me of another aspect most x-tians ascribe to: Dead loved one looking or watching over them.

You hear it all the time 'I know my (insert loved one) is watching over me from heaven?!?

If this is true what is the protocal? Do they watch while you shower, wank it or do the vertical mambo? Do we want them watching us at all times?

It may be a comforting thought that our dead loved ones are still with us in some way but isn't it kinda selfish? If there is an after life and our loved ones are in heaven, I imagine there is a lot more interesting stuff to do in heaven than watch what folk are doing down here.

That would be like moving from the ghetto to a million dollar mansion filled with flatscreens theater viewing rooms pools the whole nine, but instead of enjoying those things you sneak off to a closet in the basement to watch reruns of I love lucy on a 12" black and white.

designs

Bleechers, popcorn and soda, cheering section who knew Heaven was like that

NewChapter

Billy Said: It sounds like a three-way where the husband and wife are supposed to make sure that God is also pleased and satisfied, enjoying the tenderness and affection.

I guess we know what it means when the wife screams, "Oh God, right there! Oh God faster!"

So Jehovah Watches What Kind of Sex Married People Have?