In my case, it was the only thing that kept us togather.
If it wasn,t for the cult we would have split A year after
I return from Vietnam, married two weeks before going
to Nam. So in my case it prolong the inevitable.
Do you think your marriage would have survived if it wasn,t for the borg?
by jam 17 Replies latest jw friends
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Tater-T
your title and subsequent post are confusing... did it survive, whats inevitable.. ??
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finally awake
I don't know. We were married for about 8 years before we got sucked into the Borg. The first year we were married was rough. We were really young, and I was really unstable. We only dated for about 6 months total before the wedding, and most of that time we had a long distance relationship. When we started studying, I was pregnant. I became a crazy, hormonal mess and lost my bloody mind. At the time, I credited the "truth" with helping us work out our issues and stay together. Looking back, I think we would have navigated my craziness more quickly and peacefully without the witlesses. Now, we are both out and I think that our marriage is stronger than ever.
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jam
If it wasn,t for the borg. my marriage would have lasted
one year. I realize the borg also is responsible for breaking
up marriages when one partner leave the cult. So the question
for those that have lost their mate(divorce) due to leaving the borg, do
you think if it wasn,t for the borg would your marriage been
better off without Jehovahs.
Make sense?
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HintOfLime
Without the WT, we never would have married...
.. and yet, I wouldn't have been so slow to take risks, and she wouldn't have been so condeming, dilusional, and distrusting over the little things.
So who can say? "Could have, would have, should have."
I had to let it go and move on, and although I believe in the power of human love far beyond any made-up god - I think I'm better for my experience. It made me.
One can't be perfect, or just give in. Humans aren't made of iron or clay.
- Lime
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jam
Awake: yes, that,s the point I was trying to make, I
guess I wasn,t clear. But your marriage is stronger
then before, that,s good. Both of you are out and your
marriage is intact.
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Tater-T
my marriage failed because of the Borg... I was disfellowshiped for sex and felt I would never get reinstated if i didn't get married, which was never pressed in all the JC's I had prior to the big one.. I married a girl 6 months after meeting her.. and i never went back to meetings either.. so then I was like why did I get married .. any way thats my storry
i was thinking you were leaning towards those who got married for sex in the truth and then realize they don't even like this person... the circumstances for everyone will vary greatly on this one for sure thanks for clarifing... wasn't sure if belief keep you together/ though incompatible... hadn't considered when one leaves WT...
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neverscreamagain
Realistically, all of the major conflicts in my marriage were the result of the fruitage of the controlling and all pervasive legalism that saturates those in the truth (or Borg, same thing). My views on faithfulness, unconditional love, and marital fidelity would have been the same even if I had not been a JW. My feelings as regards the endless details and minutae of our second by second existance, was that Jehovah knew what was really right, and he would sort it out in the end. In other words, just dont sweat the small stuff. I remember the Meeting where it was stated that you shouldn't hold hands with your spouse during a prayer. For me that was the straw that broke the camel's back. Looking back I realized at that point I was done.
My wife has never acknowledged that the source of the majority of our conflict was actually the organization and its dogma that is supposed to keep marriages strong. A little over a year ago, I expressed to her that I could not with a clear bible trained conscience continue to shun my dis-fellowshipped son, who I felt was clearly having mental and emotional issues because of the shunning. In know way could I ever justify such a course if called to account before God. I felt that he was clearly heading toward suicide.
She however felt differently, and in retospect and meditating on the "witch hunt" mentality perpetuated by the borg particularly during the last couple of years, she felt that no doubt I was an apostate, of the "mentally diseased" variety. After almost 30 years of marriage my wife chose to follow the direction of a group of men who have demonstated that they have not the smallest degree of human compassion for their fellow man, and she left.
No one should ever be put in the position of choosing which "loved one" they love the most, and using the false excuse that it is showing loyalty to god.
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Lady Lee
Two weeks into the marriage I knew it was a mistake but I stayed.
2 1/2 years I almost left but I stayed.
By about year 10 I was so depressed I didn't think I could make it alone so I stayed.
15 years in and I was done. I didn't stay. By then even the WTS xouldn't make me stay. I was going to die by my own hand or get out.
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Tater-T
hi lady lee.. and welcome neverscreamagain... I loved your post... when I got DF'd , I was in another state, i called my MOm and cried on the phone and begged her not to shun me.. and she didn't .. I'm glad you didn't either.. and great post..
tate