New here...need some support
by Freeof1914 47 Replies latest jw friends
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its_me!
Welcome! This is a great site for gaining knowledge and support. I agree with all who say that you should take your time. Let things sink in. If you love your wife, let her see that leaving the Org. does not make you a crazy, demonized person. Good luck and please keep us updated!
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Freeof1914
Just more information regarding my situation, I was a staunch believer myself up until about 8 years ago when my wife and I attended pioneer school together I was a M.S. and full blown gung ho Witness and actually we were thinking of becoming need greaters and eventually applying to Gilead. In pioneer school the point was made that although 1Tim 2:5,6 states that Jesus is the mediator for ALL mankind, it really only means the 144,000! My mind could not accept that, i have always had an inquisitive mind and simply could not accept that something that was so clearly stated in the bible could be understood ANY other way. It is such a simple teaching and with the witness explanation it became so convoluted. That was the first thing thatnset off a series of events that led to where I am today. Once the foundation falls its like a house of cards. The belief system does not hold up to honest scrutiny.
Update:Last night went to the Knicks game with some friends from work and wife went ballistic and told me this morning that she has a lot to tell me today after work...so I guess she may have realized how resolve I am on never returning to the witnesses. Thankfully I was able to begin a Master's program that will conclude this summer and I will be a Special Education teacher in Sept of this year. I guess I have been preparing for this day for some years now. I have a handful of peopel outside ofmthe org. That I can consider friends. They are somewhat aware of my situation, they find it so amazing and corageous that I have taken a dificult stand based solely on principle. They respect that I am willing to sacrifice so much to be true to myself. Their support helps. Upon reading all of your stories, our stories, the same can be said of all of us. We have much to be proud of and the sacrifces made will be a source of pride for us. Kindmof like battle scars that will show us that we are fighters and can make it through anything if we have made it through this. Sorry for the long post.
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fortis et liber
Welcome Freeof1914, it's good to see you here hopefully, you find the support you seek.
I would wholeheartedly agree with the take-it-slow approach. Some decisions aren't so easily reversed. Having said that, if it helps you to know, the right decision *may* be for you to walk away from it all i.e. religion and wife. But, as many on here have already stated, only you should deciede that and, that decision should be a sound one, not made in haste or as a knee-jerk reaction.
If it helps you to know, I did walk away from it all: spouse and religion but I did so because my relationship was *not* based on love and respect it was, for all intents and purposes, an arranged marriage. My parents strongly encouraged the relationship about a month or two after I was served a straighten-up-and-act-right-or-get-out (i.e. be shunned) ultimatum. I felt absolutely trapped (the story of my life) and I dutifully went along with it. *This* (getting married, producing more drones) was what we were supposed to do and I, just, did. I learned to love my spouse to the degre that I was capable of loving someone in that circumstance. In other words, if I had been allowed to develop as a normal child into a normal young adult [read: with autonomy] I never would have dated much less marry him. I knew this deep down inside, in a place where I knew many personal truths I was way too scared to acknowledge. I was, by all accounts, a very good wife. On the surface, all looked perfect. Inside, I was dying.
When I left the religion it was very natural for me to walk away from my spouse. He was part and parcel of every single mindless, spineless and dumb act I performed under the auspices of the borg. I.have.never.looked.back. I am so much happier now with myself and in my relationship which is based on him loving me, as in, the *me* that I really am not some trumped-up version of the woman I pretended to be.
Take your time. Get to know yourself. Search your heart for the answer, it will come.
~ Fortis
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ziddina
Good grief, Free of 1914, don't apologize for the [very short!] 'length' of your posts...
You should see the page-eating posts that SOME of us post on here....
You take as much time and post-length as you need, to say WHAT you need to say....
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sinedie
I am new to the site, just like you (actually this is my first post). I have been in the similar situation. My husband went out first (with a bang) and there was no going back for him. I was in a difficult situation, although I had phases where I was not very spiritual, then super spiritual (I once believed things could never be different), then having doubts again, after he made his decision, I went into a society defensive mode because that’s what we learn to do all our lives. We had all kinds of discussions, and got through it. Thanks to that, now I am aware of things that are going terribly wrong within the organisation, and also I have become wiser about not telling elders personal details about my marriage. I'm still going to occasional meetings, but I have open mind and I have stopped being judgemental as a result of my husband working through his issues with me. I’m not saying that’s what you should do (sounds like you have a rough time), but I just wanted to show you the other side of the story.
P.S. Your wife will have loads of witness support now, and some wives love the victim role, so whatever the situation they will always play victim, but most just need reassurance.
Hope everything works out well for you
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Heath N
WOW!! Sinedie says "some wives love the victim role".........a strong admission coming from a herself, a woman. Playing
victim in the JW congregation gossip always gets sympathy.
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NewChapter
Welcome Free! Wow, big decisions. If you decide to stay, just show her what a great husband you are and how happy you are. She has been taught that apostates are bitter, jealous and unhappy. Just prove the myth wrong. It could open her eyes, but there are no guarantees.
NC
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peridotgreen
Welcome!