My grandmother has died - All I am thinking about is the JW funeral...

by exjehovah 26 Replies latest jw friends

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  exjehovah

  My JW grandmother passed away last night after a long battle with Alzhemers Disease. She suffered a lot at the end of her life, a shell of who she ounce was, so I am happy she is at peace. As I mentioned my brother died a short three months ago. It has been a difficult time for everyone. But as an "outsider", a "former JW", who hasn't been a Witness since the age of 18, I dread these situations because it highlights how the religion causes unnecessary drama and headache in already sad situation.

  Of course I will have to attend the Kingdom Hall. Out of respect I will do it, although I dread it with everything in me. I will see a good portion of my family, HALF will even refuse to acknowledge my existence. WHY? Because I choose to not believe in their religion. I will see friends I grew up with who will act like a dog on the street deserves more acknowledgement than me. RIGHT? And then finally I will have to sit in front on an elder preach on the JOYS OF DEATH and how she is "saved" and will live again in a Paradise on earth. I will try to do this without making any vomit sounds out of my mouth. Afterwards everyone will go to their funeral dinners, I will have to drive back home (over 3 hours) without any further interaction with family or former friends.

  No one can tell that JW doesn't break up and destroy families. No one.
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  cantleave

  I am so sorry to hear of your loss.

  I am afraid when my Mother goes, I will not be attending the advertorial at the Kingdom Hall. It is a meaningless, formulaic and bizarre form of cult propaganda and I would not want to endorse it in anyway.
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  wobble

  I am so sorry that you have to suffer this, and at apainful time in your life too. I just wonder, is there no alternative for you ?

  One that springs to mind if there is going to be a burial is simply to turn up at the graveside only, admittedly even there you have to listen to their doctrine spouted as an info-mercial, but at least you make the point that you have attended out of respect for grandmother.

  This may not be the case of course, in which case you have my sympathy, please go, and hold your head high, nod and smile greetings to those who may ignore you, it will show that you are above their petty, unchristian ways.
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  JRK

  Are there any other ex-JW's in your area that can go for support?

  JK
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  Morbidzbaby

  I'm very sorry for your loss. And you are correct that she is now at peace. I took care of patients with Alzheimer's in all stages...it isn't easy to watch them decline.

  As for the Kingdom Hall... If there isn't an alternative, I personally would not attend. I would simply memorialize her in my own way, my own ceremony with close friends. Plant a rose bush in her memory or something similar. You know they're going to spend all of 5 minutes talking about her and her "service to Jehovah" and "faithfulness". The rest will be an infomercial you can't escape from...much like going to those timeshare meetings where you're promised a free TV, but you have to sit through the presentation. So basically, in my opinion, you'd be travelling 3 hours one way to be shunned and treated like crap and to listen to some elder take only 5 minutes to tell you stuff you already know about your grandmother and then wax poetic about the Watchtower Society. It's really not a funeral service and in no way does it honor her in and of itself, so I personally don't think it would honor her for you to be there. Would she, in her normal state of mind, want you to be uncomfortable and be made to feel unworthy?

  This is simply my opinion. I have a friend whose grandfather passed away and the family wouldn't allow her, her sisters, or her mother to attend the funeral. Her mother was crushed because she had never done anything to her father to deserve that treatment. So I told them what I told you. Gather together, buy a nice plant or rose bush, have a memorial ceremony yourself where you say a few words about the deceased, then plant the bush or plant (or keep it alive until Spring, if you're in colder weather). Say goodbye and memorialize her in YOUR way. To hell with the JW's and the "way they do things".
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  mouthy

  I too am sorry you have to go through this.

  Hold your head high as you go into the KH
  You my dear have the truth,,,,, She is at peace & MY GOD will
  examine her heart as HE already has done.
  Bless you...& just smile at all who shun you

  Love covers a multitude of sin.....THEIRS!!! By shunning.
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  exjehovah

  Thank you all for your kind words, encouragement, and advice.

  They have decided to cremate her. It seems this is the going trend for JWs and death.

  We are a special group and without the understanding of people who have went through things like this, it would be much more difficult.

  I haven't totally decided yet what I am going to do. I may attend, I may just do something on my own to remember her by with my friends.
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  cedars

  exjehovah - you have my fullest sympathies and condolences. It's clear that you cared for your grandmother, and it's never easy when someone you love passes away.

  I would seriously consider not attending the funeral, because it is really only for the benefit of JWs to reinforce their faith. Why make a traumatic time even more stressful? If there is to be a cremation, you could observe the cremation and linger a while to remember your gran. That's really all that is needed, although whatever you decide to do, you have our full support and sympathy.

  Cedars
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  Ding

  Very sorry to hear about your loss.

  I know shunning is painful.

  Don't accept their spin on it.

  They are the ones isolating themselves, showing that they are in a cult.

  By their practices, they are the ones bringing reproach on the name Jehovah.
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  I quit!

  Sorry to hear of your loss. And sorry you have to go through the JW funeral experience. I've only been to one since leaving. Mostly the same old crap but a little better than the ones I remember from the past.

  Do you have someone that can attend with you so you don't have to go alone? If you are sure you will be treated rudely by the dubs I would consider not attending. If they can't be nice even at a funeral what it the point in attending?