Changing plans...

OneDayillBeFree

Fading,

Ive been going over it so many times in my mind. It seemed like a great idea before but things have changed, I have changed.

The more I learn and the more awake I become, the more I feel like fading is becoming less and less of an option.

The only reason I wanted to fade was to keep communication with my family, mainly my parents, but I've come to realize that they would shun me either way. Yeah, they are die-hard dubbies.

Therefore, I've had a change of plans. I will no longer seek a fade. I have decided to just D.A myself instead. And it will be quick and sudden. They wont see it coming. I cannot and will not pretend to believe it all. Not forever. I must start over. Start clean. There's a life I've got to live and a world I've got to see!

Ive already started to make preparations already. People have noticed my determination in becoming independent. Now there's still a long process I've got to go through. It's inevitable, unless I choose to end up in the streets. But the end result is to be gone for good!

So what worked for you? Did you fade or did you choose the disfellowshipped/disassociated route? And what were the pros and cons to your choice?

Oh and btw, this was all posted during the sunday meeting. Haha love this site!

cantleave

We started out by wanting to fade. But I found it meant too much compromise and it was placing a burden on our children. We were DF'd for apostasy this time last year, and life improved 100%.

Life is great not being a JW.

blondie

I see a fade as a means to prepare for leaving, adjusting your job, moving so you don't live near 2 jws, getting ready for a non-jw life, etc. I have little contact with my family, the ones that are still alive, and I found that when you leave, they "shun" you anyway.

sizemik

OneDayillBeFree . . .

We successfully faded . . . but at a pretty rapid rate. We stopped going to meetings and refused to disclose why. I was ill at the time so it didn't take long (a few months) before we were left alone as inactive. At that point we moved to another town without their knowledge. Since arriving here about 4 years ago . . . we have been found and contacted by old friends. Once again we did not reveal our thoughts and feelings . . . simply that we weren't coming back. Now we are left alone aside from the odd D2D visit which I now await with eager anticipation as an opportunity to un-witness (not anti).

I believe you are probably right . . . the shunning outcome will be the same anyway, so why invest time and effort in a lost cause? Giving them too much information only gives them opportunity to dissect, categorise and condemn . . . no information at all is best. They're not entitled to the truth LOL. We are neither DF'd or DA'd . . . that's playing by their rules and granting them authority they don't have. The benefit is that they have nothing to wave in your face at a later date.

Congratulations on having the courage to take control and do things your way . . . best wishes.

mamalove

I just quit going abruptly after a semi- fade. But I was married to a regular...we started the seperation and divorce process and I never went back after my last assembly in Aug 2009. I was never DFd. Although it was attempted many times. My ex recently told me that they are going to leave me alone because I don't want to talk to them. My JW family shuns me with extreme hostility. I hear things once in a while they have allegedly said. My life is 1000 times better now. I am glad I did what I did and understand what I do now.

diamondiiz

There is another thread on this very subject. I'm not sure what your circumstances but if you are living at home then you may want to get your life in order before you cut your ties. If you are young and still at home, I would encourage you to go to school, either college or take courses that will prepare you in a real world outside of wts and then give wts a middle finger.

Morbidzbaby

I faded...it started out slowly with missing a meeting here and there, then every other Sunday was cut out...the odd TMS here and there. Then I finally couldn't stand it anymore. Just sitting there through that tripe and listening to the judging tones of voice coming from these people. I got angry at one Sunday meeting...ended up having an anxiety attack and sat outside for the entire thing even though it was hot out. After that, I attended one last convention and completely quit. Eventually, I showed my "true colors" to my parents about how I felt about the org. When I moved away, I think it was a relief for them. They dropped me at the airport, I got a hug from dad, but not much from mom. I've spoken to them a handful of times over the last half year...nothing in the last 3 months. Other than that, I'm on my own in a new place with new friends and relationships and I'm FREE for the most part and happy entirely.

How you leave is up to you. While some may judge you for it and advise you a certain way, only you know what's best for you in your own situation. Just know that you will have support here, whatever you decide. The great thing about this group is that, while we may not agree with your decision, we will be here to assit in any way we can with it's outcome.

mamamo

I had already moved out on my own which was unusual for a female JW, especially back in the 80s. Slowly I started doing things like going to R rated movies, but not close to where I lived. Then when I was 25, I just decided that wasn't the way I wanted to live my life and after I had had one elders visit about being inactive, I said screw it and DAd myself. My mother still hasn't gotten over it and would give me a hard time until I finally said screw that too and I haven't called her since July. Basically, I told my mom I had done my research and I wouldn't be back because I now knew too much. Yep, I came out as an apostate.

Good Luck to you! I hope everything works out for the best and you don't find yourself on the street. My oldest son did ask me yesterday what would happen to a JW youth that didn't want to attend meeting and all that stuff. I told him it would depend on the parents, but I knew that my parents would have kicked me out, if I hadn't been living on my own already.

finally awake

The idea that I would be expected to throw my child out of my home if he were to leave the organization after he was 18 always bothered me. I look at my kids and I *know* that I would never be able to turn my back on them, no matter what they did. I really feel for young people who know that they can't count on their parents love and support.

Black Sheep

You don't need to officially DA.

Doing so is playing by their rules and lets them know who their enemy is.

Changing plans...

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