Let's see who can come up with the most "outlandish" END DATE calculation/speculation/prediction/prophecy

by StoneWall 12 Replies latest jw friends

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  StoneWall

  Here is mine.

  If you start with the pivotal date of 1000 C.E. and add 1914C.E.(because of JW's), then add 2012 (because of Mayan calendar) you come to the date of 4926 C.E.

  But bear with me just a bit cause this is not the "end" as of yet because we still have to factor in the mileage between Miami and Tampa.(273 miles)

  So if you take the principle of a year for a mile and a mile for a year that would be another 273 years to tack onto the end.

  So that would total 4926+273=5199 C.E.

  I know this may be hard for some of you "unbelievers" to fathom but it all kind of makes sense if you squint your eyes at the date and rub your belly while drinking Bud Light. (or any beer that you can say gives you "New Light")

  Ok thats my date for the END.

  What's yours?
• 

  Aussie Oz

  The day i die.

  Oz
• 

  WTWizard

  Starting with 587 BC, if "times" is 7 times instead of 2, you run into 6,120 years from 587. That leads to the year 5533 AD. If my calculation is thrown off because of the zero year, it would be 5534 AD instead.

  However, my confidence of the end coming in 5533 or 5534 is extremely low. I think Rothschild-inspired total enslavement of the whole human race is going to happen long before that, so it will do no good to sell out for 5533 or 5534. I actually think those years will be uneventful--it won't actually be until the sun destroys the earth or the earth gets knocked out of orbit that the real end will come.
• 

  rebel8

  3/26/2000 is the first post Simon made on this forum, which is a pivotal date because it was the beginning of the Greatest Internet Apostacy in world history, involving nation against nation, brother against brother, touching all end of Earth.
  
  First we add the number of miles in Simon's Great Pilgrammage to Canada, 4379, converting it to hours of course. Then we divide it by 7--a symbol of perfection in the bible. Next we add the number of inches between the tip of Simon's forehead to the tip of his big toe, since that is a symbol of the new world power, UADNA, which is 67, then multiply it 7 x 7 to further symbolize perfection.
  
  Next we add the number of giggles Outlaw's laughing dogs do per minute, which is 52, and multiply that by 12, the number of nudist apostafests he has attended.
  
  From that we subtract the number of cyber kisses shamus requests each month, divided by the number of Noah-related threads he posted on, counting the silliest once twice.
  
  We now calculate its square root and multiply it by the street address of Beth Shan and add the number of inches around the pyramid of Russell's grave marker.
  
  Lost yet? Well that's because you're not smoking crack. Try to keep up--Jehovah only shares his superfine knowledge with those who have faith TM .

  Now add the number of recipes for Miracle Wheat.
  
  We arrive at October 5, 2014. Not coincidentally, this is the 100 year anniversary of one of the most publicized dates of the end, revised after the fact to be the approximate date of the beginning of the end times, witnessed by the generation that would not pass away before Armageddon.
• 

  wasblind

  You just had to throw in the " Miracle Wheat " Rebel8 ;)

  I have told my non- witness family many things 'bout

  this cult, but I still don't have the courage to tell them

  I was involved in a religion that used to sell Miracle wheat

  ( Wuz gives herself a facepalm )
• 

  TheWanderer

  I think the silliest one already exists. Dec 21st, 2012... the last date of the Mayan calendar.

  Funny, when my American calendars end, the world doesn't end with it, I just buy a new one. But clearly I should get a Mayan calendar instead, those things are good for thousands of years!

  (Though admittedly, being born-n-raised JW, 'end of the world' talk still sends a shiver up my spine, sigh)
• 

  rebel8

  wasblind, did you know they actually had recipes for Miracle Wheat? @ the link I show the original New York Times article about it. LOL
• 

  punkofnice

  7 men on the Governing Body™ of Jehovah’s Witnesses™

  ‘Stay Alive ‘Til ‘75’™

  131 years of false prophecy

  Fred Franz died aged 99

  SO!

  1975 - 7 x 131 ÷ 99 = 2604 and a bit! There you go. The ‘overlapping’ stops in AD 2604
• 

  bigmac

  1975

  i heard it at an assembly a while back.

  i still believe it

  and in god.
• 

  Knowsnothing

  I served myself a bowl of ABC soup on the seventh second, of the seventh minute, of the seventh hour, of the seventh day, of the seventh year of the Bulls winning the championship in '97.

  The letters slowly began to converge and tell me:

  In your left foot shoe, you will find the answer. Jah Power! (Some results may vary)

  Taken a back, I was both frightened and puzzled for I had both my legs amputated when I was 2 years old. I blew on the soup to see if the oracles would bless me with another divine clue, but all I got was a headache.

  I took a stroll on the veranda to clear my mind and sort everything out. Of all the people in the world, the ABC soup had blessed me with the forbidden clue about the "answer". For, the "answer" the soup spoke of, was the answer humanity had looked for since the beginning, when the end would come. Yes, it seems ironic that humans would look for the answer to their own desctruction, but the soup had spoken!

  It came to me in a flash of vague, dirty brown light. A seagull pooped on my eye, and it was then I remembered where I had left my shoe at the age of 2. In a leap of faith, I sought the nearest Greyhound Bus stop, and began my perilous journey into New York.

  It was there that I first came into contact with Mother Bethel, the oracle of failed prophesies. Of course, at that point in time, she was known as "The Truth, with a touch of New Light". I could have sworn I had seen a sale of a perfume by that name, but this did not distract my resolve. If she had "The Truth", I would venture to her lair.

  The story only gets more and more stupider from here......