Wasted life as a JW?....Be Optimistic!

by ISP 17 Replies latest jw friends

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  Xander

  I wouldn't wait to wonder why some have more than you when you can do so much about it.

  Not sure I understand your point. I *am* doing something about it. Enjoying myself, to boot. I don't wonder why I was poor when I was younger - it's because my mom was more interested in pioneering than supporting the family, and dad didn't make enough to cover the difference (and then there was the legal trouble he kept getting in - lawyers are hella expensive, even crappy ones!).

  I started going to school as soon as I left home and realized they were wrong. I've been going (off and on) ever since - last few semesters have been full time, and I hope to have my degree by fall.

  A fanatic is one who, upon losing sight of his goals, redoubles his efforts.
  --George Santayana
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  Rummy1

  I've got visions of all thesw jw window cleaners still cleaning windows in their 70's.....waiting for Armageddon.
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  SEAKEN2001

  I think it's fair to say we were not allowed to go to college, or that we were robbed of the chance. Even if it wasn't the Society directly that said "No" it was their rhetoric and teaching that led our parents to believe that college was evil.

  ISP, be careful about making general statements as if they were the answer to all our problems. This subject, like most, is very complex for many Xjw's. Should they feel bad that they "let" the witnesses control their mind and goals or should they forgive their parents ignorance and just pick up here and move on? Everyone will have a different idea about what has happened to them and why.

  For those of us who were raised in that religion and were in for 20 to 40 years know full well the conditioning the Society pushed on the followers. Anyone who failed to follow the "suggestions" about higher education and dared to go to college was "marked" and treated as bad association, or in some cases shunned as an evildoer. This type of control may not have been practiced in every corner of the U.S. and it is possible that you did not witness this behavior in your community. Nevertheless, it was a real threat to many witness and for them it came down to pleasing Jehovah or going to college. Can't do both. So, did they "let" the borg control them or was it simply a matter of conditioning from infancy?

  I do agree that it is never too late to go to school and to learn new things or start a new career. At the same time I know that there are many forces at work in the minds of some who have been discouraged and beaten down by the borg and their parents. To suggest that they can just pick up and move on is to minimize the complex emotional issues these people face. They first must heal and then, perhaps, they can pick up and move on, to college, career, whatever. And everyone is different. Some people might be able to move and heal "on the fly" so to speak. Others may be so consumed with their emotional fears that they will never get a grasp on the skills needed to pursue a new career or college.

  Optimism is great. But it is not a panacea. The real world is a difficult place and it may take a lifetime for some people to recover from the cult experiences faced while in the dubs. I say, let's be more balanced in our support of those now released from the control of the borg and resist the temptation to say "it's easy, look at me and how I am doing it". It just doesn't work that way.

  Sean
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  ISP

  Thats Ok Sean. I knew someone who killed himself over this issue. One of the posters on this thread also knew him. He pioneered from school and when he was in his 30s was distressed that the WTS had changed their tack on education. He felt he had wasted his life. Whatever, you view, I am of the opinion that its better to adopt a positive frame of mind. Some on this board have been late starters but are finishing strong..i.e. COMF.

  BTW...I am not holding myself up as an example of achievement! I am not saying it is easy either!

  ISP
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  waiting

  To the men primarily...........

  May I ask the difference in the WTBTS saying that followers shouldn't go to college versus almost all middle/lower class families saying to their daughters that they shouldn't go to college - until almost the mid 60's?

  The daughters were to grow up and get married - like a good little girl. Then have babies.....lots of them. Stay at home & take care of them and the happy hubby.

  Consequences if she didn't? My aunt was one of them who did go to college - after she left home at 16 because her parents made her quit school to work full time for the phone company to help support their family. Of course, the older male got to finish school.

  Was she bitter? Yep - with 2 Masters Degrees. Btw, she has recounted stories where her mother & father slapped her around physically because she was viewing pornography. She was studying anatomy.

  I was offered a full art scholarship to Herron Art Institute - and I was Irish Catholic. The nun who primarily took me under her tutorage insisted I go down there and actually look at what I could learn. I walked in, toured the hallway only - saw what I perceived as spectacular drawings (by students) - and walked out. I KNEW I could never draw like that. Case closed. My father taught me well - through incest, beatings, and my place in the grand scheme of things. I did the proper thing - married young to get out of his house.

  My point? Sooner or later - we do if we want. Some feel we are "pre-programmed" to fail by the WTBTS. Perhaps.

  But we can do if we want.

  Congratulations, Xander, for wanting it enough. An achievement all on it's own.

  waiting
• 

  SEAKEN2001

  ISP,

  I get it. You're trying to be positive. I try to take the same approach and I think it is tragic that someone was so troubled by this that they committed suicide. I just know that taking positive action is not very easy for many who have for so long been mentally abused.

  Sean
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  ChristFollower

  Funny...this is my first time here today - seeing all the references to borg - I coincidently downloaded a borg wave at http://www.dailywav.com/ before coming here.

  Anyway, I'm in the same boat here. Wasted 10 years of my life *not going to college* because that was the right thing to do according to the borg. The amazing thing is that I woke up when I was 24 and started going to college. Working full-time, and changing majors and schools a couple of times, and I'm still going to school at 31. <Sigh> It's all good though, at least I have a career and good health insurance which is more than I can say for most still in the WT Borg.

  I feel like such a dope. I can remember being in high school telling a counselor "no, I'm not going to college (despite my grades and aptitude) I'm going to pioneer full-time and go to bethel." What a dope I was!

  Yep, I predict that once all those aging JW's begin to realize that the "end" isn't coming next week, they are going to wish they did more than mop floors part-time. Let's see...no health insurance...no savings... no career... no education == no money for the WT Borg... Hehe. It comes full circle.
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  razorMind

  Actually, you gave the Borg the power to tell you what you could and couldn't do. It's tough, but there it is.

  ????????????????

  Unfortunately, I was born into the JW's to strict, hard-core-dyed-in-the-wool, devout, EXTREMELY "ZEALOUS" parents. My father has been an extremely active elder since I can remember.

  My sisters and I had no choice. We didn't "give the Borg the power" to tell us what to do. Our parents had that power and we had no say in the matter.

  Also wanted to add--

  Even though I left home at about 23 and almost immediately became inactive in the Borg, I retained the mindset and beliefs for almost 5 yrs afterwards. I've only now started to see the Borg for what it really is, at age 31.