@OODAD ....While I get the author's point I believe that the difference is that what works in a HEALTHY relationship does NOT in an ABUSIVE, CONTROLLING relationship.
He also makes the common mistake of confusing the SPECIFICS of his (apparently basically good, healthy) relationship with GENERALIZATIONS made about other, very different, troubled relationships.
The converse is also true you can't paint everyone with the same brush ... to say that giving couples are co-dependent !
Notice what the author said
I'm clearly co-dependent (most of those who know me well would attest to that), but I have no anxiety problems whatsoever. And no problems with depression, either. In fact, I am inexplicably happy. And neither my wife nor I have any chemical dependency issues, either. We are in love with each other, and have a great marriage.
Pity the poor person who has an anxiety disorder. Or more to the point, pity that person's spouse. The solution to "chronic, generalized anxiety" is to
not do what others's expect,
be as irritable and unpleasant as you wish,
make people angry with you,
don't try to make the people you love happy,
don't blame yourself when someone you care for is upset with you,
gain self-esteem from what you do for yourself, rather than what you do for others,
don't ever care about others so much that you overextend yourself,
maintain your values and needs even if it means ruining your marriage,
take from others whenever you can, and
don't let someone else's anger deter you from your objectives.
A formula for sociopathic behavior if I've ever seen one. You go in with anxiety and come out a terrorist!
If you want to know the truth, co-dependent beliefs and behavior
According to Bourne,
"Co-dependency can be defined as the tendency to put others needs before your own. You accommodate to others to such a degree that you tend to discount or ignore your own feelings, desires and basic needs. Your self-esteem depends largely on how well you please, take care of and/or solve problems for someone else (or many others)."
"I look at that definition and think of Mother Teresa, how co-dependent she must have been. Not that I'm a Mother Teresa, but I certainly feel that I aspire to those objectives. If I find my self-esteem in the way I care for others, what's wrong with that? If we were all co-dependent, wouldn't this be a wonderful world?"
Isn't treating healthy people as if they are sick people..... negative , reverse thinking ?
Why start with sick peoples thinking thus putting co-dependency in a negative light ..as something undesirable ?