This is a very disturbing account from a JW girl who posted this on another site. Please don't read if you will be affected by the comments..
I'm 23 years of age and I was raised as a Jehovah's Witness. Thanks to my cousin for introducing me to "apostate" videos online, and a few other major reasons that I will get to soon, I've disassociated myself for a little over a year now. I feel as if my eyes are open. The real truth came crashing down on me hard. I don't have to be a part of this anymore. I don't have to. I mean, I had looked online for Jehovah's Witnesses things before. But something inside me had always stopped me from delving further. I believed that Satan was trying to get me to stray away and Jehovah's angel protected me. In that case, I wonder where these angels were in my other situations. Heh.
My dad was raised as a witness by his step-dad, got baptized at 19ish, but left soon after. He impregnated some woman, partied like crazy according to him, and came back to "the truth". When he met my mom who was not a witness, he married her and converted her. My mother thought she was in good hands because JW seemed to be the true religion. (I'm pretty sure my dad was disfellowshipped because of these things (once, at least).
However, her marrying my father may have been the worse decision my mother ever made. My dad was (is) very disloyal and is somewhat of a pathological liar. He cheated and got into physical confrontations with my mother in front of us (me and my siblings -- twin and younger brother) many times. I have witnessed terrible things and I hurt for my mother. He was active in the organization on-and-off (you'd know when he was sleeping around; he'd stop going to the meetings). I asked my mom why he wasn't disfellowshipped. She said if that happened life for us would be difficult. I couldn't comprehend but I simply left it as that. She continued to take us to the meetings and got baptized in 1999. I grew quite close to my mom despite her strict ways and occasional guilt trips. I wanted to make her happy so I became as zealous as I could, not really enjoying it and hiding it from my peers for the most part.
I, like many other JW children, really wanted to make friends outside of the congregation. I can honestly say I had more friends outside of the organization than I did in; they were so prissy! However, I hid my religions beliefs from all of my "outside friends". It was so bad that I once rejected one of my friends from coming over because of the fear of my mom preaching to them. I was truly leading a double life.
"Please help me. My mom and I just got into a fist fight. Can I please come over?!" my friend asked, and I could hear from her voice that she was desperately seeking temporary solace.
"Uh..." I panicked. What if she finds out I'm a JW? I was torn! She can't come over.... What do I do?
"I have to...ask my mom..." I hesitated. I heard her sob and I felt like a monster. "I'll call you back!" I never did. But she did.
"So, can I come over?"
"You can't. I'm sorry. Um...I have to do something. Maybe next time. I'm sorry." As if apologizing twice would help.
"Okay." She hung up.
That action has tormented me to this very day. Sadly, this kind of personality has been engraved in me 'til today. I find it hard to grow close to friends "in the world" even though I technically am in the world today. I find it hard to grow close to anyone. Damaged, much?
But let's continue...
My parents bickering has died down a little by the time I was around 12 or 13 and my dad came to be more spiritual, which pleased everyone including my mother. But one day, while I was on the computer. My dad was getting ready to leave the apartment so he kissed me on my cheek. I giggled. How weird, he never did stuff like that.
"Okay, bye!" I rolled my eyes. He soon began to softly kiss my neck. I froze.
"Ah, I found your soft spot. I'll keep that in mind." I felt him wink. I'll never forgot that! It freaked me out so much! Despite my dad's relationship with my mom and the traumatizing things I've seen them go through, he had always been there for us as a father. My relationship with him is complicated, but I still cared for him and wanted him to be my dad. Going back to the meetings, being out on field service (door-to-door ministry), showing affection..., well, maybe he was just trying to be a caring dad ...even though it was a bit creepy?
One day while my mom went out to get laundry down, I felt my dad sneak into my bed while I was still asleep.
'Awww...how caring. He wants to be close to his daughter' I thought half-asleep. We slowly fell asleep together. But my trip to Elysian was abruptly halted when I felt his fingers stroke my sex.
"Wh--" I had no words. They couldn't come out. I was stuck, unmovable, frozen like ice. He continued his what ever the **** he was doing and I finally bolted out of the bed. I don't even remember saying anything. He just panicked and left. When my mom came back from the laundromat, I couldn't even tell her. I don't know why. I just couldn't. What would she think of me? What if she thought I just wanted my dad kicked out of the house? How was she going to raise us without him? What do I do....
Like most young girls, I had naughty dreams. One night I dreamed of someone I had a crush on. We were going second base. I felt myself moan in my sleep. It felt so real. Too...real. When I forced myself awake. I saw him. My father. ...He was touching me again through my underwear while he was masturbating.
This time, I did not freeze. I screamed.
The day after the second incident, I remember exactly what my mom said. "He couldn't do something like that." But her facial expression spoke volumes: 'Could he?' ...It still hurt that she denied it...
I eventually forgave my dad when he apologized to me, profusely. He said he'd never do it again. But he did have this odd way of staring at me.... I shrugged it off though. I didn't want any confrontation. I just want to be a happy teenager, not those stereotypical sexually and physically abused emo teen who end up emotionally fucked in life. I didn't want to make a big deal out of it! But when my dad started cheating on my mom again,and having physical fights with my her, I would step in. At one point, he bit me in my back. I had to call the police. I had to do something! But my mom urged me not to tell the police anything. So I didn't press charges. I had to do something more. I was sick of it. If I can't press legal charges, perhaps he should now take it up to Jehovah! He can't be carrying Jehovah's precious name and still be doing this behind closed doors. Enough was enough! I finally decided to tell the elders in my congregation. Perhaps they'll do something about these years of torment from my dad, right?
It was the most humiliating moment in my life. The two elders wanted intricate details only to tell me that they needed two witnesses. WHAT?! They said it was to prevent slander. As for his infidelity and adultery, even tape recordings regarding oral sex with another woman wasn't enough. My poor mom. My poor self! I felt trapped. I felt like no one could help me. They told me to wait on Jehovah. That Jehovah works slow but He WILL take care of it.
I believed them. So, I got baptized at 21. I figured that maybe if I was one of His people, my mom and I could finally have "spiritual justice".
Nothing.
Nothing was done.
To this day, nothing has been done.
My dad kept his old ways up until my mom died last year. Hypertension. Surprise?
And I gave up. I gave up on the organization. I gave up on religion.
He didn't get disfellowshipped. He just lost privileges, but he didn't get disfellowshipped. I don't ... get it.
My mom is dead and he's already seeing a pioneer sister. Yeah, I know he's extremely guilty about the situation and I know he has a conscience. We rarely talk about the things he's done to us. It only comes up when I'm upset, in which case I use past things against him. Heh. Not cool, I know. But I make sure he never forgets. He owes me. He owes all of us.
Now my mother had her flaws too. She was very controlling, protective, and untrusting. She was flat out insane when she was in her "religious mode". I had bouts of depression, suicidal thoughts, and even anxiety attacks in the Kingdom Hall (Jehovah's Witnesses church) in which I blamed her for (If she divoced my father earlier on, certain things wouldn't have happened). I remember having my last anxiety attack where two or three sisters had to comfort me in the bathroom. I blamed her for my problems. I told her it was her fault that I'm unhappy.
When my mother wasn't religious, she was great. Heck, I found out that semen tasted salty because of her! She was great when she was being herself. I miss her. Was it really her fault she acted like that? I don't know. Look at what she had to deal with. Nevermind that she was raised by a totalitarian father (who was raised an orphan, fending for himself) who physically abused her mother (my grandmother). Religion tainted her!
Up until her passing, my mother drove me nuts. I was on the verge of moving out. My father had seem to want to reassure me. Heh...my father is also hypocrite. When I confided in him, hinting that I "may" be in a relationship with an "outsider" (non-JW), he seemed supportive. I later learned that he told my mother everything ...and she was not happy.
Despite that, I have deep love and appreciation for both of my parents. Odd, isn't it? Must be the "Christian values" lingering in me.
D'oh... Reddit says my story is too long :( Please read below for the last part.
all 6 comments sorted by: best hot</form>new</form>controversial</form>top</form>old</form> [+]lotusQ [S] 7 points 8 points 9 points 7 months ago* (0 children)[–]lotusQ [S] 7 points 8 points 9 points 7 months ago*
sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on
Last part of story after cut-off:
And you know what I find sick? I still agree to do his talks, bible study comments, bible highlight comments, in return that he pays my rent and my necessities. He never does any of his "spiritual work" my mom and I always did! It makes me sick.
After finding all these videos online describing the cult-like behaviors of Jehovah's Witnesses, I can honestly say: I GIVE UP. My eyes are WIDE OPEN.
So this is why I am the way I am.
Paranoid, cynical, harsh, lonely, distant, awkward, emotional.
But I'm glad I found someone to save me from myself. He's vowed to be there for me and has accepted all of my enormous flaws. I am a strong woman, yes. But he has helped with that tremendously. He is my rock right now. He loves me unconditionally, unlike the people of my former faith. I love my boyfriend so much. It's great to know that I can find beautiful people outside of this deceitful organization.
I still love my father very much. He's a good man regardless of his actions in the past. He stuck around. He takes care of my physically and mentally disabled twin sister. I forgive him. But I will never forget. I can't.
And I will move on. Not only will I move on from religion, I will be successful in this world, opposite of what that organized cult says will happen when you leave.
I'm done with religious.
And I'm done with God.
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A very sad story Indeed but it's just the tip of the iceburg, this must be why the JW'S in Australia didn't want to have the WWC checks done. Cuz it would open a can of worms on child pedo's serving in the Kindum halls.
HHG