an interesting day with my kid (never give up!)

by Aussie Oz 16 Replies latest jw friends

  • Aussie Oz
    Aussie Oz

    As many of you know, i don't see my teenage son much these days... friends more fun then dad, you know. But last time he was here we had a little chat about his life and decisions. See, he knows he should be looking deep at the JWs and doesnt want to. He said he won't listen. His JW girlfriend just changed he life irrovacably yesterday by getting baptised... anyway, i digress a little, in our chat he re promised to never shun me, my reply, in a 'fun' tone was to tell him if he does he can expect me on his doorstep to give him a slappin'. We shall see what the future holds but i see him dunked inside a year. He also promised to bring her around to meet me when it gets more serious...i have some stuff to say at that time you see...

    Anyway, daughter is still much more inclined to listen. She mentioned on her visit that when they were little they used to play 'baptise, un-baptise' in the bath. I remarked how sadly that didnt work in real life. She is very well aware of just what baptism really means for teenagers. We had another great this weekend and i sugested she read crises of conscience (I leave a copy in her bedroom) She said she'll take it home to read... I had to strongly suggest she not! I said, darling, that would be like taking satan home as your date! You see, the JWs hate that book more than any other. So she said she'll read it here...

    We got onto the internet and she remarked that her mum hates the internet. I explained that many JWs do. They are scared of it and they should be! She hears the talks at the conventions warning about social network sites. They are scared because they can't control it and the truth about the 'truth' bring posted on it, that they will even shut down pro JW sites because they are scared of witnesses talking to each other.

    She was telling me about some interesting people at the public talk at the convention. A big bikey with 'two beards', a guy with long dreadlocks, lots of piercings and a cross tattooed on his face and a rockabilly girl complete with betty page hair and 50s dress. I asked her what she felt when she saw them...jealous! See she wants to be like them...well, not a hairy biker, but different to the 'normals'. I remarked that if they keep going, i'd give them six months and they'll be in beige cardigans like the rest of them. But, they might have been raised as jws and just go along sometimes to keep family happy. I told her i could never go back because they wouldnt have me unless i got a boring haircut and hid my titty tattoos, not to mention having to clean my brain out...she wants to be emo with crazy hair and lip piercings, she has a stretcher (a bullet shell) in one ear. How the hell she gets away with that i don't know! But she said if she came home with 'smake bite' (lip piercings) her step father would refuse to let her in the house. I remarked how sad that was, that can cause kids to run away from home and fortunatly for her, if she ever does'nt want to live under that roof she has a home with me. He is no doubt one of these 'my house my rules' fellows.

    anyway, we have a magazine at home with an article on burlesque performers in Oz, one being in melbourne who was raised as a JW and left it obviously. Her mother helps with the costumes nowdays, so i presume she never got baptised...something not lost on daughter (has read it) as i reminded her, if you dont get baptised they can't be made to shun you. It did lead to talking about how they practice 'marking', something she thought was pretty bad after i explained that if she was seen to be rebelious, other parents might mark her and not let their kids hang with her.

    I do believe she is biding her time now, waiting for the right time. She still does not want to do the JW thing and i am glad that she is not getting depressed about it now. She now has coping skills and me to lean on. We talked on not just going with the JW flow as I did. I encourage her to see now as the time in her life to sort this stuff out, but not to 'hurry', just quietly work it out. We talked about not getting 10 or 15 years down the road before acting on her teenage questions and desires. Her brother will do that, and i dont want that for her.

    I just wanted to let those interested to know how things are with them. I am so proud of them both, even if he never listens. My girl is so brave and has had the guts to open up to me. When i told her this, her smile could have powered a city for a month.

    If you have kids locked inside the WT, dont ever give up.


  • Broken Promises
    Broken Promises

    Thanks for the catch up on your kids. I enjoy reading your posts about them, it's interesting to see them grow (even if it's hard going with your son).

  • sizemik

    I enjoy these updates too Oz . . .

    It's good that you're taking advantage of the opportunity to expose your daughter to the "alternatives" while she's relaxed about it. I assume she's still being exposed to the JW version constantly . . . and that needs to be countered . . . albeit gently. Your daughter sounds very sensible for her age and it's only natural she wants to express herself at that age . . . it's not rebellion . . . just finding who they are as individuals.

    My 3 lads have a few years between them and JW-ism now . . . and they've tried a few things with hardware, hairstyles, tatts etc. But they're gradually emerging into well balanced adults with plans for the future according to their talents and likes . . . normal. And I'm quite grateful that they are.

    I'm still way down the popularity list with them however LOL.

    I admire you for your tenacity . . . makes you a very loyal Father IMO.

  • Aussie Oz
    Aussie Oz

    Thanks, promises

    I'm ok about the boy, I just want his happiness, even if it is at my cost. His girl makes him happy as does his plans so thats all that matters. If his life turns to crap one day because of the JWs i will be there to help pick up the pieces.

    And sizemick, I am sure she'll 'rebel' in her mothers eyes but in mine she's just wanting to be her authentic self. Just as well they can't stone her!


  • nugget

    It is good that your daughter has a strong sense of her own identity and is inclined to look into the faith. It is great to know she is a free thinker and whilst her fashion choices may be a bit off the wall they are perfectly normal for a teenager. She knows you are there for her in a real sense and that is so important.

    Your son is following the predicted pattern for now but that does not mean that things may not change in the future, he will probably need more help and support later since the longer you are in and the more you conform the more scrambled your brains can become and the more you have to lose.

    Keep up the good work Oz.

  • cantleave

    Well done Oz!

    Both your kids know you are there for them unconditionally!

  • dinah

    I've read everything, just don't comment often.

    Parenting teens is about establishing trust that they know you are in their corner. You have (and are) doing your job! Well done, too.

  • Marvin Shilmer
    Marvin Shilmer


    Thanks so much or sharing yourself here as you do. It means a lot.

    Marvin Shilmer

  • troubled mind
    troubled mind

    Now that your son's girlfriend is baptised there will be enormous pressure on him to follow . She will be advised to not date him until he has made certain his intentions of following the cult . It comes down to the unevenly yoked illustration .

    Our oldest son was baptised and the girl he loved was raised a witness ,but had not yet been baptised (she was studying with a pioneer with the intent to baptism ). The Elders gave talks about how wrong this dating was (w/o stating names ,but everyone knew who they meant) It lead to people marking her (my son didn't live in the same congregation) . NO one would come to her bridal shower ! After being in this small congregation all her life and everyone knowing her really ticked me off people were so petty . I was so proud of her for sticking to her guns and not allowing others to push her too fast . They ended up marrying in Las Vegas ,and she never did get baptised . They have beeen married six yrs now . Her best friend from childhood married her brother ,but doesn't talk to her anymore just because they quit attending meetings .

    I hope the best for your children .I think you have done a great job helping them to have a reasonable,balanced outlook .

  • Gayle

    Your children are very fortunate they have an unconditionally loving father,,one they can always feel they can talk to genuinely. They know there is another door already open to them.

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