Is disfellowshipped Fiance considered "family"

by rrb2016 14 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • rrb2016

    I was born and raised a JW and left the "truth" as soon as I was 18 - but never Baptized. My Mother and I have agreed to disagree and have a decent relationship (she is still JW). Whenever I see any people from her congregation they are nice to me and speak to me, and are aware I am not a Witness. Fast foward nearly 30 years, my High-School sweetheart and I reunite. She has been a Witness all of these years in a hopeless marriage. Hadn't really bought the whole Witness thing for at least 20 years, but afraid what to do and where to go.

    We reunited last year, she disassociated herself, so her Husband could re-marry in "Jehovahs" eyes. They read the DA letter. Of course she is now treated like a leper. My Mom was in the hospital at the time. Prior to the announcement, my Mom was happy and knew we were living together and the whole situation. When we were visiting at the hospital, one of the nosy elders (who happens to be my Moms gardener) asked more questions about my fiance. Long story short, we told Mom that she was DF/DA. And her gardener threatened my 70+ year old Mother with a back room meeting if she continued to associate with my fiance.

    My question is: We are getting married next month. Will my wife now be considered family and fall under the "necessary business" clause? Or does it have to be blood relative. My fiance is so upset that she is considering trying to get reinstated and then just "fade" so she can have associations and help my Mother out. How long do you think it would take to get reinstated if you DA's yourself, divorced and got remarried?

  • nugget

    Df'ing rules are harsh and arbitary. If an elder wants to make an issue of it then you will have no wriggle room. Your fiance would not be considered family since there is no blood connection.

    getting reinstated will be very hard since she is living with you so technically living in sin and if she marries an unbeliever she will be considered a bad association. Also it depends on how much influence her husband has and how vindictive the elders want to be. There are a lot of variables none that relate to repentance or love.

    If it was my mum I would sack the gardener and say his services were no longer required. After all who wants an employee making threats. There are many fine people looking for work who would do a better job.

  • N.drew

    She suffered for 20 years among the "dead" and she would be reinstated, to make your mother comfortable? Anybody else? And I wonder (tongue in cheek) disassociation"We reunited last year, she disassociated herself, so her Husband could re-marry in "Jehovahs" eyes." means having sex, or I suppose, admitting publicly to it?

    Wecome to the forum!

    I might be wrong, but the word dis-associate means the decision belongs to the one leaving. Getting disfellowshipped means being found doing something wrong and they decide. Anyone know?

  • rrb2016

    Thanks Nugget. My Mom taking her life directions from her gardener. Crazy. About the reinstatement, part of the reason she wants to get back in -is she has a 12 year old son that her now ex-husband is threatening her with. We feel if she gets back in, the ex can't screw with her - if he does she can take him to the elders. She is not planning on going back until we are married next month. Then she will already be married to an "unbeliever." I will go with her to meetings to make it look good, like I am a prospect. Then, once she is reinstated, then we will stop going.

    I hate this religion, how it tears families apart.

    How long do you think it will take for this charade, 3 months?

  • rrb2016

    She essentially wrote a letter to the elders stating that her ex has grounds to divorce. She also has a 12 year old son that is in the middle of this. So it is not just for my Mom, but her Son. See my post above. Thanks for the comments. This is much harder than we imagined.

  • N.drew

    I think it might get harder still. Ever hear of the Borg?

    It is so very seemingly impossibe, especially when there are children involved,

    to reason with the Borg. They don't know how. Like a lobotomy.

    All I can say is you must quickly learn to trust in God wholeheartedly,

    for the Borg are unmovable (that is what makes them Borg).

    Down right scary they are.

    Peace! You will need meekness to talk to Borg without blowing your top off.

    I hope I am wrong. God go with you.

  • NewChapter

    So some gardner comes in and threatens your elderly mother while she is in the HOSPITAL for visiting with her son and his fiancee. What does your mother think of this? Has anything made it through? Poor woman.

    If your fiancee really holds her tongue and gets that blank happy look on her face, she has a shot. I can understand why she wants to be reinatated only to fade---this is her child.

    This is an evil organization.


  • LostGeneration

    I'd say 6 months if you are really lucky, more like a year to two years considering the circumstances. Again though, much depends on the BOE, there is so much variance that you can't really establish a time to guarantee reinstatement.

  • Quarterback

    Fire that Gardiner.

  • DesirousOfChange

    They have no control over you, since you were never dunked. Once your are married your fiance'/'wife will officially be "family" and the "family business" exemption will apply for your mother. I would think there might be some split opinions about your mother attended the wedding. After all, at that point, he son's wedding would clearly be "family business". Your fiance' should probably lay low for the next few weeks and take the pressure off of your mother.

    Not immediately, but at the end of the season, I'd have your mother tell the gardener that she can no longer afford his services. Times are tough all over.

    Once you are married, you could both start attending and she could eventually request reinstatement. LOOK WHAT GOOD INFLUENCE SHE IS ON YOU!


Share this