My trouble

by bushido8000 18 Replies latest jw friends

  • bushido8000

    I have been facing a small dilemma for some years now. I have been in the Truth since I was 5 years old. After experiencing some troubles with man-made rules (non-scriptural, told me that I absolutely could not join my small school's football team) in the Kingdom Hall when I was about 16, I stopped going to take a step back and look at what was going on. I then started going back to the meetings when I was 20 (I moved to a place where there were no Kingdom Halls so I couldn't go back until I was 20) only to find more of the same thing happening, but not even towards me. I met an elder at the congregation who seemed to have a lot of the same views as me admitted that there were a lot of elitists in the Truth.

    I am now 22 and I have had many battles with myself over my personal beliefs vs. The Kingdom Hall's. I have always loved the Truth and have always had a great love for Jehovah while at the same time trying to throw away any elitist personality traits that come with many JWs and wish that the rest of JWs would too as I find myself judged all the time by other members.

    I have thought about leaving the church many times but the thing is that without the church I feel alone in my beliefs and not receiving enough spiritual food. I fully believe in 99% of JW's scriptural beliefs and can't simply go to another church since many of their core beliefs would contradict mine. If I could simply go to the meetings as an invisible man and not have to come in contact with other people I would.

    I write my troubles not for the unbelievers to see an opportunity to convert me into leaving the Truth, but for other JWs, as well as those with the same mindset as me, to see my troubles and try to help me to correct them.

    Please help

  • EntirelyPossible

    Ah, humility, the one trait JW's loathe. You'll get nowhere actually being a nice person with them.

  • ABibleStudent

    Hi Busido8000, what traits do the elitists have and how would like to change what they think? I know a former friend, who is a devout JW, say that some JWs are not as spiritual as others. She felt that she was in the more spiritual group. I have often wondered how someone could consider themselves more spiritual than another - I thought that was for Our Father and Jesus Christ to decide. It takes a load off my mind knowing that I do not have to judge others. I just have to decide who I like to hang out with.

    Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,


  • Awen

    I can only see three choices here.

    Either you accept that you won't be able to do certain extra-curricular activites and live with it.

    You do what you want as long as it doesn't violate YOUR conscience and ignore what others think/say (but realize there may be unforseen consequences).

    Or you leave the Organization and live your life as you see fit while still serving God.

    There might be other choices but that's all I can think of at the moment.

  • Retrovirus

    Hello and a belated welcome, Bushido8000!

    I'm a non-jw who "studied" with two kind jw ladies for about six months. I'm still sorting out my own beliefs, so have nothing to convert you to or from.

    What I'm sure of, is that we need to keep learning until we find what we need. Once you've started to do this, following along and suppressing doubts gets harder every day.

    Even the Bible tells us to do this. I cannot imagine a loving Father who would forbid it.

    Best wishes on your search!

  • erbie

    Dear bushido,

    all I can say to you is what is in my heart and what I do know from personal experience which contains no hidden agenda.

    I think you may find it helpful to distance yourself slightly, not literally but intellectually. This would allow you a different perspective on things and would, perhaps, help you to clarify things in your own mind.

    I am a little concerned that they discouraged you from playing for your school team. What was their reasoning? Thats probably a good place to start.

    Do YOU belive they were right to discourage you?

    If you ask yourself questions you will come up with the answers. Ultimately, others opinions are of little value as I have discovered myself. Eventually you will have to make an informed decision based on what you believe and what you don't agree with or are in conflict with.

    In short, it is very difficult to view objectively that which we are so close to. So perhaps you need to view the situation, with you in it, from a distance.

    More easily said than done but I wish you every success.

  • looloo

    my husband also had that problem as a lad as he loved football and was very good at it but was not allowed in a team , his eldest sister was alsovery good at running and could have gone far with that and a teacher even begged her mum to let her do so to no avail , my husband eventually got disfellowshipped and so did his sister (they had both been "strong in the truth " ) and the not being allowed to pursue their sporting interests as teens still to this day makes them cross ! despite having lots of other reasons to be annoyed with the relgion (including child abuse cover ups that meant my daughter was abused !) and his family dont bother with our innocent little child , however his young sister who was excellent at tennis and very clever ended up cleaning part time and getting married at 18 ! she is still in the religion but shes only 20 so maybe one day she will look back on her life and see what she could have been and regret it all . you sound just like how i used to feel by the way , i suggest you do lots of independent reasearch on the jehovahs witnesses as i did , i am nowadays actually more spiritual than i was as a jw study who did it out of fear and pleasing people . i wish you well with your search and please check out a lady on here called headinaspin who came on here about a year ago who didnt want her beleifs changing either ! x

  • Black Sheep
    Black Sheep

    Welcome to the forum.

    You are telling my story except I never could bring myself to 'love' a god that killed children because of the sins of the parents.

    The only thing that kept me 'in' was fear. Then 1975 came and went and was much like any other year. Jehovah never showed up and stopped my Dad and his doomsday mates from looking like a bunch of fools. Jehovah didn't seem as scary any more. I decided to opt out and just let Him kill me if He ever got around to it. My wife had joined, so Jehovah wouldn't kill my kids just because I wasn't a a member of their church.

    Fortunately I hadn't been baptised. Thank God I got that right. I'm not shunned by my family. They are are getting far more reluctant to talk religion with me now. I don't accept faulty logic now. Well, actually, I never really did. I just blanked out the inconvenient stuff like an abused child. What I mean is, I don't shut up and pretend that I understand faulty logic. I make them deal with it. I question their answers. If I think they are talking rubbish I call them on it and ask them to prove it. Instead of buckling under emotional blackmail, I accuse them of it and tell them to answer the question without resorting to that sort of crap.

    The Watchtower was never selected by Jesus in 1919 to be God's sole channel and if my family wants me to join their church, that is the doctrine they have to prove....... and they have stopped trying after they tripped themselves up discussing the date of fall of Jerusalem, which is central to that doctrine.


  • sizemik
    I have thought about leaving the church many times but the thing is that without the church I feel alone in my beliefs and not receiving enough spiritual food. I fully believe in 99% of JW's scriptural beliefs and can't simply go to another church since many of their core beliefs would contradict mine. If I could simply go to the meetings as an invisible man and not have to come in contact with other people I would.

    You need to give yourself the opportunity to understand why this is the case . . . if you don't, you will never understand it and the dilemma will remain. The only other option is to learn to live with it . . . if you can. Unfortunately . . . it's a choice . . . not a resolvable problem.

    You're an individual . . . alone . . . whether you "belong" to this or "belong" to that. The sense of belonging is an illusion that brings us comfort . . . but it can also be a prison that prevents us from finding who we really are. I'm sure God is more interested in who you really are than who you belong to.

  • TotallyADD

    Welcome bushido8000. I understand were you are coming from. I to at one time thought they were 99% right about the Bible. But then I step back and looked at how they have twisted their teachings to fit their actions. Also I looked deeper into what the definition of the word cult meant. Thats when I had to overhaul my thinking about what the WT is all about. This took alot of time and convincing on my part to finally realize they are a cult. This concept at first is hard to swallow but if you remain opened minded you will soon find that is exactly what they are. Then and only then you have to decide which direction you want to go. It's a long and sometimes a hard journey but in the long run it will make a better person out of you. Thank you for sharing your concerns with us. Take care. Totally ADD

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