Today I received great news .. one more customer to my business, compliments from my boss at work, and some payments i was waiting for. But i feel sad, guilty, mix of feelings.... I ve been thinking about my life in the JW org, after 2 months of fading im having these feelings :( :(
Feeling sad, dunno why ...
Dudu, we all have these feelings. I feel guilt, I think it is an expression of anxiety. I often feel that as an ex-witness I have become a better person. I am more honest, open, expressive, trust worthy, responsible, ethical. But when you change like this, it leaves you wondering what to do with your past and I don't have all the answers. All I know is as a model witness, I never examined myslef in the cold light of day, and now I do it on a daily basis. If there is a god, he will like me better for sure.
Thats the word.... Anxiety! I didnt know how to express what i was feeling ... Ive been reading more about spiritual topics in general, other than that im doing the same things, and im the same loving, caring person. But I was baptized at the age of 10 and im 30 , so i think is normal to have these feelings... thanks for your comment, i know im not alone with these situation.
Yes anxiety. The truth is... growing up can be hard to do, and we all did it with the added pressure to be exempilary "christains". But we are humans, we are born as small creatures into this amazing universe beyond our comprehension. The most amazing place where nearly anything is possible. So, now your mind is finally free, let it grow and see where it can take you.
The time of year doesn't help. Reflecting on 9/11 has probably affected your psyche on a subconcious level which would easily manifest emotionally as guilt, sadness and anxiety. Go easy on yourself. Find one thing to do each day which gives you pleasure. Nothing extravagant. I like to have maybe 1 drink of an evening a few times a week, usually a small glass of red wine or a bottle of beer after my kids have gone to bed, or a hot bath, or a cuddle with one of my pets. Or else I listen to some music. Even sad songs help if they trigger crying as it serves as a cathartic release for negative emotions and produces endorphins.
Perhaps you are happy for all the good things that you experienced today and you would like to thank God for it??? What prevents you from doing so? God is not respecter of men ...
We are the victims of a abusive, heartless corporation. It is only natural. Mummatron is right I'm so raw right now with the 9/11 rememberances. You're not alone.
The five stages of grief:
Denial: “This can’t be happening to me.”
Anger: “Why is this happening? Who is to blame?”
Bargaining: “Make this not happen, and in return I will ____.”
Depression: “I’m too sad to do anything.”
- Acceptance: “I’m at peace with what happened.
Myths and Facts About Grief
MYTH: The pain will go away faster if you ignore it.
Fact: Trying to ignore your pain or keep it from surfacing will only make it worse in the long run. For real healing it is necessary to face your grief and actively deal with it.
MYTH: It’s important to be “be strong” in the face of loss.
Fact: Feeling sad, frightened, or lonely is a normal reaction to loss. Crying doesn’t mean you are weak. You don’t need to “protect” your family or friends by putting on a brave front. Showing your true feelings can help them and you.
MYTH: If you don’t cry, it means you aren’t sorry about the loss.
Fact: Crying is a normal response to sadness, but it’s not the only one. Those who don’t cry may feel the pain just as deeply as others. They may simply have other ways of showing it.
MYTH: Grief should last about a year.
Fact: There is no right or wrong time frame for grieving. How long it takes can differ from person to person.
Your brain is still sick.
It takes time to heal.
Feed it with healthy, non mind controling thoughts.
Volunteer for a real charity. Go for a walk and talk to your neighbors.
Begin viewing people all over the world as your brothers and sisters, not as people marked for execution at the hands of an invisible psychopath.
You WILL feel better as your brain begins to shake free from the fog of WT brainwashing.
Dudu . . . you are going through the toughest stage in your journey by far. Saying goodbye to an entire cult personality and finding your real self is a huge undertaking and incredibly disorienting.
Your mental health is at it's most vulnerable right now. Don't hesitate to seek professional support if you feel you need it. I developed a severe anxiety disorder at the time of my exit which took about five years to get on top of. That didn't have to happen . . . I just didn't appreciate the risk and the difficulty this represents.
It will improve in time and the sun will come out again . . . just keep safe right now.
Wishing you well.
Be patient and go with the flow, Dudu.
You've received some good advice and lots of love here. I've made it to "acceptance" in the 5 steps listed above. That doesn't mean, however, there is never a step or two backwards. Getting older has made me more reflective and philosophical (a word not used, I daresay, by JWs). I have anxious moments but, as you mentioned at the outset, good things do come our way!