I couldn't put the words back in my mouth.
That is what I said, without premeditation, to our car group on Tuesday, September 11, 2001.
On that day, as an elder, I was out in FS. In dealing with the shock of what we saw and were listening to on the radio (like good little pioneers, we didn't stop our day, we used this as an opportunity to preach...) some of us were showing the bits of humanity that the borg hadn't completely stolen from us, myself included.
We got an unusual amount of people who talked with us that day. Opinions as you can imagine varied. Even in our car group.
While we were talking, a sister in our group hoped that there weren't too many who died. I callously replied to that, almost shrugging;
"That's what Armageddon will look like."
I am pretty sure I said that between 11 and noon that morning. Before that, I was stunned. Another big news story, something to follow on the TV. For the first couple of hours, my mind gathered the facts. I didn't really think about the people.
It's funny when your mind and your heart make a connection that you just can't ignore. The second those words came out of my mouth, I made myself sick to my stomach. I got sad. I started to feel bad for the people. I then went to a TV at a fellow elders house and watched it again. I saw the people on the ground, New Yorkers who were frightened, "faint out of fear". Yup, just like a picture right out of the Watchtower, buildings were falling, people were scared, crying. Sure looked like Armageddon to me.
For one nanosecond, I meant it when I said "That's what Armageddon will look like." Just like a good newly appointed elder should say. But scarcely had the words left my mouth before I was confronted with something I was not prepared for, an opportunity to actually look at what I believed.
I used to believe in Armageddon. But really, how can a JW really understand what that will be like. Billions, BILLIONS of people who will be destroyed, with buildings falling over them, scared, frightened at the great day of Jehovah's fury.
That's my god, Jehovah, the destroyer of billions who piss him off. That was who I worshipped.
I hope that the 10th anniversary of the attacks of 9/11 will hopefully cause JW's to think about what they preach. I am proud of the fact that I was able to put it together. I really deep down never did want mankind to be destroyed. It took 9/11 for me to be confronted with what I was taught to believe, and what I actually believed. It would be another 5 years before I was able to finally leave, but that was the start of my long exit out of Jehovah's Witnesses, the cult that teaches God hates and will destroy most everybody.