Hey, I have recently re-discovered the repressed physical abuse I went through and the repressed memories of sexual abuse of other people (3) in my age group, one that confided in me as their last hope when I was ~16 years old. I was always told to keep it silent (no reproach on Jehovah's name you know) and for the sake of those people I do not want to publish their names to either the elders or here as they are all adults now.
Those people are all messed up now. The one that talked to me started cutting and got tattoos (virtually no job opportunities in a business setting later in life), all 3 have attempted suicide and one succeeded. Even though I was "just" physically abused, I do carry the scars and I am scared to raise my own child for fear of repeating what I have learned.
Abusers (any type) have no recourse in my eyes. They MESSED SOMEONE UP for life, they should carry the consequences as long as their victims and any other potential victims (thus any child) are alive or you can (through incarceration or science) have a 100% success rate of removing the access they have to potential victims. There is also a high rate of recidivism especially when you place them in a closed, internalizing community like Jehovah's Witnesses, Mormons etc. Children cannot protect themselves against these monsters (and many abusers are psychopaths or sociopaths), society as a whole has this responsibility to protect them and the best way to do this is by having a letter or a mark (like Cain in the bible) follow them wherever they go so other communities can be careful and protect their children as well.
My abuser seems like one of the nicest persons around and even got remarried. But as soon as he finds out he has full control of the situation, he changes. You can see this for example with older people he "helps" - the nicest person and always offering to help but as soon as he finds he got control over them and they trust him he starts bullying.
Some warning signs to look out for:
- Very, very nice to you and always trying to help out
- Attempts to be alone increasingly as time goes on with his potential victims by taking them out to movies or gatherings
- Frequently asks how they are doing and as time goes on, is very nosy about certain subjects
- Frequently talks about him/her being normal and the 'normal' things he/she has done recently
- In case there was alleged abuse but no conviction (as often the case among Jehovah's Witnesses), they will actually sometimes go to the extent of getting certificates from the State, FBI or other authorities that they are certified to work with children and bring it up whenever their allegations or even allegations against others are brought up.
- They attempt to have jobs (if possible) that are eerily close to their victims or bring them into contact with people that have gone through these situations (they attempt to relive their past offenses by proxy)
- Creepy, stalkerish behavior. Showing up out of the blue (no appointment or call ahead), lingering to the point of being socially awkward, nosy, pushy. Know-it-all and offering help if you have issues with certain subjects that have to do with their potential victims.
- They seem to enjoy stories about rape or other abuse and frequently bring the subject up and extend it. They even derive rape from other stories and bring it out (eg. when JW's in Africa were persecuted and the subject is touched on briefly in the Watchtower, they would have a comment "Our brothers and sisters were beaten, killed even raped - can you imagine being raped by a group of soldiers while your family has to watch? Even young sisters as old as 12 being raped?")
Yes, there are those wrongfully convicted when they 'rape' their 17yo girlfriend or they pee at the side of the road and a redneck cop sees it but these cases are far and few in behind. Those are also usually offenders that are not publicly listed and after a while don't even have to report it anymore. Sometimes, simply going to court again with a better lawyer after some time to remove the 'tag' is possible in some jurisdictions.