The truth is you have to leave. I know you can't do it right away. But with careful planning, it is possible.
It is not uncommon once leaving the dubs getting involved in another controlling situation. (this happened to me when I left the Borg and trust me it's more of a common story than you know) I was in an abusive/controlling relationship and got out.
Sadly, he won't change. He loves having the power to make you feel small. he's conditioned you to feel bad about yourself. Things won't get better. He doesn't even see the need to change. You deserve respect and happiness.
Again, you NEED! to leave, I speak from experience. You don't deserve this treatment, it has nothing to do with you not being a good enough wife, and yes... you can rebuild your life.
As a suggestion, I would consider looking up your local women's shelter, most of them hold free/confidential support groups. You can join in on others similar struggles and hopefully summon the courage to plan your escape. You deserve happiness.
(If you need to talk you can PM me anytime)