Tough Situation.

by Low-Key Lysmith 24 Replies latest jw friends

  • Low-Key Lysmith
    Low-Key Lysmith

    My grandmother is not doing so well health-wise. She just turned 91 and has been a faithful JW her entire life. She has been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and is battling pneumonia on top of that.

    We were very close up until the point, a few years ago, when she asked me flat-out if I had any intention of coming back or if I even believed in God. My honest answers pretty much solidified my apostate status. She wished me well, told me she would always love me, and that it had to be goodbye. I understood that there was no malice in her decision, that she was only doing what she thought God wanted her to do. Tough though it is to hear that, I knew it was coming. That was the last time we spoke until recently, when she informed me of her current situation. She says she wants to see me one last time to say goodbye.

    I plan to drive with my wife and younger sister (also out) from Seattle to SLC to visit her one final time before she goes.

    Here's the messy part: She has been under the care of a homeopathic, natural healer who consequently, is a Witness from another congregation. My youngest sister (still very much in) has gone on the warpath, accusing my sick grandma of taking part in "spiritism" as a result of the homeopathic medicine. This person, by the way has been to Bethel to practice on people there and has the support and backing of the elders in her congregation. My sister called in her In-Laws from California to try to put a stop to this treatment, claiming that conventional medicine and doctors can heal her better. Her In-Laws don't even know my grandmother, but have invaded her home, turned away the person treating her, and have pretty much taken over, telling my grandma that her "spiritistic" medicine will not be tolerated. My grandmother was allowed to lie unconcious in her home because these idiots thought she was "sleeping". Thankfully my Aunt pretty much stepped in and told these folks to f*ck off and that they aren't welcome. If these people are still around when I show up, they are going to have some REAL problems on their hands.

    Anyway, I'm hoping for the best. It will be good to see her, even if it's the last time. i just wanted to vent a little to folks that might have some idea of what I'm going through. My wife and her family are very supportive, but just don't grasp JW behavior. Can't say that I blame them.

    Thanks for reading.


  • talesin

    Uggh, to have to deal with politics at a time like this... Good that you have the missus to help you through this hard time, and my thoughts are with you, my friend!


  • sd-7

    Sorry to hear that. My thoughts are with you.


  • Low-Key Lysmith
    Low-Key Lysmith

    Thanks, Tal & sd-7.

    On a lighter note, I haven't been home to Utah in a long time. It will be nice to see old friends and favorite places. We're pulling our camper trailer down with us and plan to do some camping on the drive back to Seattle, maybe Yellowstone, we'll see.

  • talesin

    Hey, let's hope you get some fishin' time in! :)

  • nugget

    It sounds like your grandma knows the score and is preparing to say goodbye to those who mean something to her. It seems your sister is burying her head in the sand and still feels that there is a cure and something can be done. Her actions have more to do with hiding from the inevitable. She has got so caught up in her crusade that she is missing the bigger picture, that someone special is slipping away and her last words to her are likely to be bitter and hostile.

    I hope she wakes up to what is happening before it is too late, this is a time to say goodbyes and allow someone to go with dignity knowing that they were loved and were special. This is not the place for battles and wars.

    You have my deepest sympathy.

  • unshackled

    Sorry to hear that, Breck. Ah the drama of an over-righteous JW making an already difficult situation much worse. The good part is your grandmother wants to see you again.

  • sinis

    Lets be completely honest here - your grandmother has done better than 90% of the population. Traditional medicine probably would be too agreessive (ie chemo) and in all honesty might not even improve things, especially at that age. I really don't see the harm in the homeopathic route, especially if this is what she wants. Its not "spiritistic" by any stretch of the imagination. Hell ALL pharm drugs come from plants of some nature. Remember one thing, when you get that old, would you want to be told how your final days would be? Give your grandmother what she wants and bring the home care person back in. Maybe she will see that you have always cared about her, no matter if you are a dub or not. I would not let your younger sister dictate how your grandmothers last days will be on Earth. In fact the stress added to the situation has probably done more bad than good, no matter what your sisters intentions were/are.

    Also, if your grandmother is going to be buried I would hold your own grave side gathering where you can truly express yourself to those present and let others do likewise. The JW services are a load of BS and I would not allow that to conclude the matter - honor your grandmother both in life and death and think about what you would want others to do. If she is being cremated, you can talk to the funeral home performing those services and they will normally give you a parlor/room at no cost, or inexpensive where you can hold a small eulogy. Invite all your family, her friends, neighbors, etc. and memorialize her, not by religion or Bible, but as a person who lived and shaped lives.

  • Magwitch
  • talesin

    I 'lost' both my grandmothers when I was 18\19. It was one of the most difficult losses in my life. They really DO love you unconditionally ... sorry that you are going thru this, my friend, and I am there with you.


Share this