I need advice, I know many of you have been in this same situation.

by shakyground 16 Replies latest jw friends

  • talesin

    In relationship, honesty is the best policy. Tell her the truth. Religion is a deeply personal issue; it's not like going to a movie that you don't really want to see. You should not feel pressured into doing somethingthat makes you feel so uncomfortable.


  • IsaacJ22

    For me, pushy evangelism is an irritant. Perhaps you feel the same way. (I still have a JW wife and devout in-laws who don't know when to quit.) I know Pentecostals around here that are almost as bad as JWs are toward XJWs. They use up every ounce of respect I have for them as people with feelings and push me into choosing between speaking out and being deferential, which I don't appreciate.

    Did you have bad experiences with JWs harassing you after you left, or were you DFed? If you left as I did and were harassed, if she knows about your experiences, maybe you could tell her how being pushed about going to someone's place of worship makes you feel and point out how similar these experiences are. She might get it immediately and leave you alone. Unless she's feeling pressure at her church to reel you in, that is.

    If your past doesn't line up with this approach, you can still explain it all to her. Tell her you--like most people--don't like being aggressively proselytized to and that this is something that's putting a strain on your relationship. Tell her you don't want to be forced into choosing someone else's religion all over again (perhaps you weren't allowed to choose the WTS if you grew up a JW?) and that, while you're glad she's getting something from her church, you have no plans to convert to anything at this time. And it may never happen. Ask her to respect your feelings and let that decision remain with you. Tell her you don't hate God or religion per se, but this isn't the time.

    Consider this: it might all be a social thing. She may want you to go so she can introduce you to her church members. But if your Pentecostal's there are anything like those here, I'm sure you'll get 500 invites to come back. Some more aggressive than others. :-( If you go and this happens, share that experience with her so she'll understand that it wasn't so pleasant for you and why. Maybe THEN she'll back off. Or at least you'll find out what her true motives are from her reaction.

  • shakyground

    Thanks guys for all the advice. Isaac you hit the nail on the head. I have slowed down my meeting attendance as of late and I'm definately getting raised eyebrows. The thing is, since I've been seeing her she has always tried to get me to come to church. She says things like everyone wonders where my mysterious boyfriend is, so and so is dying to meet you. I went to that picnic trying to appease and meet her church members, many of whom are her cousins and uncles and aunts. I already met all of them and socialized so why am I still getting bothered about coming to her church?? I think she just wants me to conform, she says I am husband material all the time, but I am sick and tired of always doing what others want me to do!!!!!!!!! No I don't believe in hell and no I don't believe your uncle is a prophet and you aunt a prophetess!!!! If I never set foot in a hall again I probably never will believe these things. I'm not really feeling organized religion right now. Obviously if I haven't come yet I feel uncomfortable and really don't want to come so why can't you respect that? I don't care if your pastor/uncle keeps bugging you about me. People that wasn't raised witness or around witnesses never understand....

  • i_drank_the_wine

    Man, unless she treats you like a king and is a black belt in BJ's it just doesn't seem like it would be worth it to me personally to have to deal with the religion routine ever again. But if you feel strongly about her, perhaps a few hours a week sitting through some Jesus pep rally might be a price that you're willing to pay and are ok with that.

  • sd-7
    Religion is a deeply personal issue; it's not like going to a movie that you don't really want to see.

    As Christopher Walken once said, "Actually, it's a lot like that." If you don't want to do something, this is the time when you need to learn how to say NO and mean it. That is the single most critical thing you need to learn upon getting out of the JW religion. People will find ways to manipulate you, and you absolutely need to make sure they fail.

    No one should push you to involve yourself in something you're not comfortable with. If you do this, it becomes a slippery slope. Say NO and mean it. It's how you feel, right? Then draw a line in the sand here, now, where it counts. This kind of person is unlikely to marry someone who's not part of her church.

    Or, you can simply go. There doesn't have to be pressure, you can check it out, and if your gut tells you this isn't good, then don't go back. Either way, let it be YOUR decision. No woman (or man, depending on whatever) is worth it.


  • sd-7

    Oh, right...who said anything about marriage? Sorry for that assumption...


  • J. Hofer
    J. Hofer

    listen to your inner voice. if it says "give it some time", give it some time. your inner voice most probably is right. for you.

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