I need advice, I know many of you have been in this same situation.

by shakyground 16 Replies latest jw friends

  • shakyground

    I've been seeing this woman who is very special to me for quite some time now. There is only one problem, she goes to church every sunday and tuesday. She keeps asking me to come and complaining that I don't even give it a chance. She knows how I was raised and it seems like people who were not raised witness or raised around witnesses will never understand, no matter how thouroughly you explain it to them. I'm still kinda hesitant about going to a church. She goes to a black pentocostal church, lots of music and testifying or whatever lol. She just doesn't understand how deeply ingrained contempt for any other religion especially other christian religions are in witnesses over the years. I just feel like slowing down on meetings and then going to church is not really what I want. Kinda like getting out of a relationship and jumping right into another one. It took alot of balls for me to go to her church picnic and I was dreading that. The whole way up to the park I was thinking about how many witnesses go here to play basketball lol. Her pastor is her uncle and he kept bugging me about coming to the church. I told him I'll make it soon just to shut him up. Now they keep asking when i'm coming. I told her that I'm thinking about not going to meetings at all anymore and that I don't know about jumping into something else and quickly changed the subject. Don't know what to do man....

  • jgnat

    If she can't hear you, she may not be a soulmate. It took me a long time to figure out how ingrained the fear is of other churches, and how I really MUST back off. Hubby is pretty good, considering. He drives me to church and can be coaxed to join a potluck or two in the church basement. I would not pressure him to do anything else.

    Your woman, though, most likely considers you conversion material. After all, Pentecostals considers everyone who is not to be ripe for the picking. You know what that is like. Wake her up to reality.

  • EntirelyPossible

    She goes to a black pentocostal church, lots of music and testifying or whatever lol.

    Go. NOW. Holy roller churches are an insanely awesome experience to watch, and the cooking at the church dinners will be some of the best soul food you have ever had.

    Ignore the god shit, go for the collard greens with ham, mashed potatoes and gravy, fried chicken and peach cobbler.

  • ABibleStudent

    Hi shakyground, what are your beliefs? Talk to your friend about yours and her beliefs. If you can find common ground, good for you. If not, you may want to find more friends. It is good that Christians invite you to their church, but they should not bug you about going. I don't know anything about the pentocostal church, so why not research the religion using the internet/Wikipedia to see if you agree with the religion's doctrines, policies, and practises. I do feel that it is important for you to determine what you are looking in a congregation before you jump into another organizated religion. I wrote about what I am looking for in a congregation in the following thread: http://www.jwsupportforum.com/index.php?topic=10502.0

    Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,


  • shakyground

    I grew up on Soul food Entirely P so that's not much of a temptation lol.

  • flipper

    SHAKYGROUND- Sorry you're going through this. I think you need to either just open up to your girlfriend and be honest about how you REALLY feel towards religion and if she accepts that- fine, if not might be time to find a new girlfriend who shares your views of organized religion. Be true to yourself and don't be someone you are not just for a relationship. You won't find happiness pretending. Just my 2 cents

  • dm6

    i would go for the experience, Supposedly riveting. You may just enjoy yourself more than what you think.

    Here is what it would be like.....


  • skeeter1


    I love your name. Too funny.

    I know how hard it is to go into any other church. I went to a mega church after leaving the WTS. It was a great church and I really enjoyed the pastor and people. But, walking into it, I felt on enemy territory. It's engrained by the Watch Tower Society. As has that the WTS was the "Truth." At 14 or so, I thought of dedicating my life to the WTS. I was there to give my soul away. Then, a few years later, I figured out it wasn't the Truth. While the WTS had me in it's talons, it convinced me that everything else out there was Satan's ensnarlment, waiting to drag me inside and catch me with his filthy ways. After all, the WTS was heavily recruited (love bombed) and indoctrinated me into the WTS....so all other churches must use the same tactics? Now, I am wary of religion. Welcome to the spiritually raped. You can't cling to the WTS, and you can't cling to anything else.

    When you have 'something' to believe in, life & death isn't so scary. I'll give religion that point.

    Worldly people say they believe in their religion, but I don't think they mean it like a JW means it. To a JW, belief MUST MEAN absolute, 100% knowing that the belief is reality. A JW knows the Governing Body speaks for Jehovah, and everything it says MUST be true and MUST be followed to obtain Jehovah's earthly reality of Paradise. My experience with other religious people is that they know reality ( like apples are a fruit), say the believe in other things (God & Bible), but are not going to stake their life that they (or anyone else) absolutely know all the answers to intricate life's questions. So, when an ex-JW meets a worldly person who says she believes in a religion, does the ex-JW confuse her belief of the unknown with our experience that one MUST know the unknown? There is a difference between knowing and believing. To JWs that difference is blurred. To wordlys, it's not.

    Your friend is speaking words to you like "church", "religion", "God", 'belief"...and all of these terms are loaded words to you. I don't think you both are speaking exactly the same language.

    I don't know much about your friend's church. It does sound lively. I doubt if you go one time, that the walls will fall down or lightening will strike you. I doubt they will hound you as bad as the JWs, and if you find it's not your cup of tea....you can discuss that with your friend.

    Do you feel like if you don't want to attend your friend's religion, she will not be your friend? Will she shun you? She will put you on her 'do not call list?' Is her whole purpose getting to know you, to draft you into being a member of her religion? Where on Earth could you have learned such silly notion?

    I agree that religion is going to be a sore spot for you for a very long time. I found myself thinking, pondering, rethinking myself into an agnostic. It's the way some cult members turn.

    You can not deny that we are each spiritual. I know that I can't.

    I agree that you need to take religion slow, look at all the possibilities, visit all churches (including this girl's). But, I think that she is going to be a good friend for a season, a purpose of you finding your spiritual side. It will depend on how open minded she is as you grow and develop into what YOU want to believe about the unknown.

    So, I'd show her all the responses on this thread. Poor girl doesn't know what she's gotten into!


  • Black Sheep
    Black Sheep

    Are you going to believe her when she says you're going to burn in Hell for eternity if you don't join/get 'saved'/'born again'/whatever?

    Are you prepared to tell your kids that they will/won't burn in Hell if they don't join Mummy's church?

  • cameo-d


    Ignore the god shit, go for the collard greens with ham, mashed potatoes and gravy, fried chicken and peach cobbler.

    Now THAT is what the scriptures are referring to as "fornication". Any time you compromise your integrity and deny your conscience for some fleeting materialistic or temporal benefit is the real meaning of "fornication".

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