For those of you who are disfellowshipped!

by TimothyT 19 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • Terry

    The more friendly and normal and cheerful you act the more it will screw with their mind!

    Shunning is supposed to strike you with grief, lament and shame.

    If you don't fall into that self-conscious behavior or become angry and strike back--what can they do but wonder at the effectiveness of the strategy?

    Don't force it--but, try to look upon these meetings as golden opportunities to be respectful and RISE ABOVE their pettiness!

    They will end up being ashamed of their own sullen behavior.

  • AgentSmith

    I have been out for over 10 years, It starting to become a faded memory sometimes. The turn over of people in the local congregation over this time must have been a lot. I don't 'bump' into many of the JW's I used to know.

    However this past saturday I was at the mall, and Mrs Elder and her daughter walked past. She either did not recognize me, or did a fantastic job of ignoring me. I had to grin.

    I greeted a JW at the gas station one day, and we chatted the whole time we were there. Just kept it friendly and neutral. After all the F&DS has no problem with neutrality....


  • Heartofaboy

    Hi Timmy just be your usual beautiful self & if they cannot look you in the eyes it is because there is a battle going on inside them.

    Let the burden be's not yours to carry.

    Love Hoab

    Actually elders impose the burden on the sheeples but do not carry it upon themselves. The excuse given??

    'As they are shepherds they are exempt from the act of shunnng & need to keep contact inorder to guide the individual back to the congregation'........I kid you not. This was told to me by an elder I was quite close to.

  • TimothyT

    Thanks for the advice and thoughts.

    I reasoned with myself that the so called 'friends' that i have made throughout my life in this org are about to abandon me.

    How sickening it is to base friendship on what the person believes instead of who they are. Not the kind of friends i want anyway.

    It is heartening to know though that in some years, perhaps the non hardcore JWs may stop and see how im getting on. :D

    Timmy x

  • Pams girl
    Pams girl
    I reasoned with myself that the so called "friends" that I have made throughout my life in this org are about to abandon me

    Tim, this is the hard reality. It still hurts though. You have true friends right here, and when the going gets tough (you will be shunned on the street etc) keep posting here and let us help you. You will make new friends in life now you are free, who love and care for the real you, with no conditions attatched. Im one of them. Pucker up baby.....

  • Nobleheart

    Tim this can be a difficult at times.. You happen to cross paths with a JW post df-ing or da-ing and your old 'friend' purposefully turns a smug or disappointed face, full of self righteousness and bordering on pity.

    My first advice would be to keep your inner calm, running into JWs can be an uneasy experience for some (me included).

    Then just be yourself. If you had a great day, make sure to show it.

  • outsmartthesystem

    "The more friendly and normal and cheerful you act the more it will screw with their mind!

    Shunning is supposed to strike you with grief, lament and shame.

    If you don't fall into that self-conscious behavior or become angry and strike back--what can they do but wonder at the effectiveness of the strategy?"

    What's funny about the above comments is that they are theoretically true. But yet....JW's can put a different spin on anything. Take these examples:

    1) You pass by elder Jerkski and keep your head down. What does he tell others? "I saw Tim. He wouldn't even make eye contact with me. He feels so ashamed for having left the organization."

    2) You pass by elder Jerkski and warmly say hello to him. What does he tell others? " I saw Tim. He had the audacity to brazenly try to talk to me. I ignored him of course. This goes to show how quickly and how deep he has fallen into Satan's grasp."

    With witnesses either way it is a win for them. Just like anything else. If # of publishers increases.....God is blessing us! Yay! If # of publishers decreases.....the love of the greater number is cooling off. The end must be near. Yay!

    They will always find a way to spin it in their favor

  • Quendi

    I will have to admit that it is difficult for me to treat JWs as "normal" people. I have had little contact with them since I was disfellowshipped six years ago, and it has been a little more than a year since I decided I wanted nothing to do with the religion anymore. As it is, our paths rarely cross nowadays. However, Monday was an exception. I saw an elder who once was a good friend of mine while I was shopping in Wal-Mart. When he saw me, he smiled as though unsure of who I was. I've lost considerable weight since we last talked, so perhaps he didn't recognize me. At any rate, I smiled back and continued with my shopping. However, when I saw him in a checkout line a short time later, I deliberately chose another one to make my purchase.

    I don't like the shunning, of course, but I see it as their choice. For me, going up to any JW I once knew and acting as if everything is just fine between us is something I cannot yet do. For one thing, I have nothing to share with them. For another, they are clearly uncomfortable with the situation. The few times I have seen them in public, they look away and/or completely ignore my presence. Forcing contact on them they do not want is something I will not do. The choice is theirs and I am content to let them live with its consequences.

    What would I do in the entirely unlikely event a Witness would approach me? I would gladly welcome the opportunity to talk. I have had one inactive Witness do so in public. But when I do see Witnesses I once knew, I make no effort to talk to them. Maybe in the future my feelings will change. I think I still have some open wounds from my years in the organization and that is why I avoid contact with them. Yes, Christ said love your enemies, and while I don't consider JWs my enemies, they certainly are not my friends anymore with a few notable exceptions.

    You can love all of God's creatures, but some, like skunks and porcupines, you do better loving at a distance. That is how I now view Jehovah's Witnesses. While I had some good times in my many years in the organization and met some wonderful and outstanding people, most of them now no longer want me as part of their lives. So be it. The life I have now is better than the one I had as a Witness. I am expanding my circle of real friends and am all the better for it. I'll welcome any Witness who reaches out to me, but I won't go out of my way to renew the ties I once had.


  • sd-7

    I make eye contact, but wouldn't bother saying anything, apart from my actual brother, who I do talk to a little bit, even though that feels awkward.

    My thought is, I grew up with these people, and they should know me well enough to know that I would never, ever leave that religion unless I had STRONGLY compelling reasons to do so. If they choose to ignore that possibility, and say it was merely about a girl they warned me against, whatever. I didn't see them as true friends anyway, no different than one big high school-styled 'in crowd' that I was always trying to please.

    It bothers me emotionally, but it's their problem, not mine. There are billions of other people who by and large won't mind at least saying hello. "Decent people shouldn't live here. They'd be happier someplace else."--Jack Napier, 'Batman'.


  • mrquik

    I especially look for them in public places. I go up to them & in front of everyone say "Hi, how are you?" I can't tell you the satisfaction I get watching them stare at their feet & look all embarrassed. Some actually will talk to me. The rest skulk away. I finally realized that it's them that rightly should feel guilty & I do whatever I can to help them along.

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