Experience in life teaches us ambiguity is a larger truth.
Good and bad things happen to us; often, at the same time.
Admirable people are flawed. Flawed people are admirable.
Good and evil are inextricably intermixed in human affairs; success may involve failure of a different kind, and failure may be a kind of triumph.
I failed to be the perfect Jehovah's Witness. In that I triumphed.
I almost succeeded in seeing life as strictly Us vs Them. But, not entirely.
I came close to viewing everyone and everything as Either/Or; black/white.
My chief conceit was stunning. I took pride in my humility! While perfectly capable of thinking for myself I bowed to the dictates of a faceless hierarchy claiming divine authority.
Yet, so cunning was this Authority claim--being the mouthpiece of God--my leaders could simultaneously claim to be only human and fallible. Especially when they persisted in being wrong time after time!
Here is the beauty of their ambiguity: being wrong reinforced their claims of humanity!
A claim of courage and eagerness replaced the virtue of accuracy and veracity. They were dynamic and courageous in being willing to put their reputation on the line in risking being seen as frauds, charlatans, dunderheads directing others to believe and act on puffery.
Watchtower leadership was deeply cynical. A cynic is not merely one who reads bitter lessons from the past; he is one who is prematurely disappointed in the future.
Watchtower theology is always prematurely disappointed with man's future while elevating their own to mythical status. A status of Moral Superiorty is heady stuff.
I caught a whiff of it and was, at once, intoxicated. Absolute Certainty is the next best thing to actually knowing something and standing up for it, you see.
But, as I said: I failed to be the perfect Jehovah's Witness.
In the New World Society you live in Hope without proof, happiness as a direction rather than a place and pride in your humilty at being in possession of perfect knowledge from imperfect men courageous at speaking FOR God and getting it wrong.
I must confess: I am glad that I failed. This failure is my triumph.