Do have brothers or sisters constantly telling you how to get your life together ?

by av8orntexas 10 Replies latest jw experiences

  • av8orntexas

    Wow I’m not really sure where to start.

    Well I work for a rather large company in a large city. At one point we were the largest employer in the city. Now that we are going through a merger I’m not sure that is still the case. Nevertheless quite a few brothers and sisters are employed here from within the city and surrounding areas. I’ve been here for 10 years and know most of the brothers and sisters. I’ve found that they can be found in just about every department through most of the company. Most know each other within each department. Others prefer to remain anonymous and lay low ( my preferred way ) Due to the merger, a lot of people have transferred in to this location or area due to many thinking it is a ‘safe’ place within the company. That has included some brothers and sisters from other departments or states, etc.

    When I first started I knew most of the brothers in my current department, as they were in my circuit and some in my hall at some point. I transferred out in 2007 and then returned in 2009. In that time we had new people and faces transfer in and some were brothers and sisters. But the operation is so large we don’t always see each other every day or on a regular basis.

    Well most of the brothers do not know I don’t go, some I think suspect I may not or think I don’t, but have their own deal going on and like me, I still enjoy their conversation…….As long as it’s not about the KH. I find most like to talk cars, sports,etc more than the recent WT study anyways,LOL.

    One brother works a lot of hours. In my 10 years he’s always worked a lot. He also travels and takes cruises alot, bought a new house about 6-7 years ago. He’ll ask me where I’m going (meaning the hall) when I see him, but this brother probably works 150-160 hours a pay period, and thus has no room to really preach to me too much. Myself…… I work my 80 hours in two weeks and that’s about it. Sometimes I’ll pick up 16-24 extra hours. Our schedule is flexible, but you can pretty much pick up, and trade off whatever days, whenever.

    I’m single, never married and have no kids. Thus I don’t have the responsibilities of a married man or father. But I nonetheless still have responsibilities.

    Well this past Sunday I’m working my regular schedule 445am-115pm. As I said before, I generally work 80 hours, and that’s it. From time to time I will pick up hours. I see it as a way to add 16-24 hours to my check. My card is paid off, but like anyone else, I’m trying to save. So I do it sometimes. This past Sunday I picked up a 145pm-915pm. Thus it was long day, and one I don’t do often and prefer not to do. But when you want something. You have to work to get it, and thus I did the double.

    Well one of these new brothers sees me and asks me how I’m doing. I said I’m fine. Tired, but good.

    He then says, “What time do you work?” I tell him……. “445-115pm.”

    “ Well what time is your meeting ?” . I say, “2:30.” I know the meeting times for the local hall where I now live, because my mom goes whenever she comes down to visit.

    I know it’s about 130pm at this point. And I KNOW where this conversation is heading.

    So he breaks in this silly broad smile just as I expected, he says ( in his very best elder counseling voice. )

    “Brother,you know what you have to do right ?”

    I go, ;What I have to do ?”

    “Yes, you know we have responsibilities to Jehovah and our Brothers.”

    He just pulled the self-righteous card on me !!!!!!!

    Now, this brother is African, and if I learned anything in my 10 years at this company since it is truly as diverse as the locations it serves, I’ve learned that SOME Africans are very opinionated or pushy. That has been my opinion or observation. I’m saying it is so, but it seems to be my perception with some from my dealing at work.

    Before I can respond, he breaks out in full JW mode and starts telling me about having faith in Jehovcah. He told me I’m not showing faith in Jehovah and appreciation for the meetings by working hours during my meeting hours.

    I countered with I have faith, but perhaps when a person says a prayer, you leave it with Jehovah, but be proactive.

    My argument was I have faith that god will provide for me, but in the meantime Food, money, and shelter over my head are not going to fall out of the sky for me. Sometimes you have to have faith, but make things happen on your own.

    Well…who the hell was I to show should disrespect to Jehovah?! He then goes on to shake his head and tell me we are too close to the end to be putting work and worldly things first.

    Man I was HOT at this point. Now I admit, I did pick up the hours. I was not all that excited about working 16 hours, but I’m trying to sock away money, and there is something I’d like to buy. If you want it, you have to work for it. Period. I didn’t tell him this though. All he knows is that my meeting is at 230pm and I’m still at work.

    Doing what JW’s do best. Judge you without know what you circumstances or situation is. For all he knows, I could have been on the verge of being homeless and desperately needed the cash.

    He kept this act up, and then asked me if I was married or had kids.

    To this I let him know I had never been married , nor had any kids.

    Before I go into that part, I must preface this part of the discussion with this.

    In 2009 I had surgery at the start of 0ct 2009. Oct 3 rd to be exact. I didn’t return to work until MAY 2010. Well I had socked away some money and thankfully was able to pay all my bills up until February 2010. Then……everything started to snowball on me.

    I have LTD with Aetna at work. It’s a 60% pay,4 month wait plan. You have to wait four months before you can file your claim. Good thing I wasn’t dying, LOL. Gotta love insurance companies. No offense to those who work in insurance, just don’t like the policies.

    Well Long story short I have a GREAT doctor, he filled out every single form that day instead of making me wait as he knew I’d be out for a while. I had all my T’s crossed and I’s dotted in one day. Perfect. Aetna dragged their feet and me wait them out, IMO hoping I’d return to work before they had to pay out a claim ,which I was sure wouldn’t be denied.

    In the meantime….I fell behind on everything. I did good to make it from October to February in my opinion. Well my car fell behind, my rent fell behind. My phone bill fell behind to point that eventually they cut it off and I was calling the insurance company from my leasing office. Eventually my car was reposed and they picked it up, it was a really rough time for me. Eventually I got home from a therapy session at the doctor and the constable had left my eviction notice. My first, and last in my whole life. At this point the month had past for Aetna to come to a determination on my claim. Turned it in like the 3 rd of January. We had now gotten Early April at this point and I hadn’t paid a bill since January. A local church had paid my light bill for March and given me food from their pantry. Now whoda thunk it ?

    Finally I went to court and my leasing office was really nice. I told them Aetna said they would get back to me in 10 days. She told the judge she’ll give me 12 days then I had to kick rocks. Now all this time, none of my brothers or sisters ever called or emailed me. My attendance was nil, but I had been attending here and there enough for them to see my face.

    I borrowed the money from my cousin to get my car back, and had to get a guy from work to take me to go get it out. Finally one day a lady from the office had come by and told me a lady from the insurance company had called me. Aetna tells me they approved the claim. In April of 2010,after I had faxed over every sheet filled out completely inm January 2010. Imind you I sent them the form with my void check. They told me there was hold up on that and I’d have to wait until the 21 st of April for my check to come in the mail. WTF !!!!

    They REALLY didn’t want to pay me that claim.

    After getting my check, I took the thousands, and paid all my bills, the court costs, my cousin back and had a whole smacking $42 in my account. That’s an experience I’ll never forget.

    Now back to the brother at work.

    He asks me if I had kids or a wife. The way he said it, it was as he were implying that he was doing so much more than me because I was single.

    He says…”Guess how many kids I have ?” I said. One ? No. Two. No. Three ? No. Dude has FIVE kids.

    Now if somebody has five kids, I’m not looking down on that at all. This is what made me mad.

    He tells me he has 5 kids, as if it is a badge of honor and then goes on to say he works part-time. !!!! WTF ???

    This is big, because 2-3 years ago they were asking people if they wanted to go PT or FT. Now that we are in a merger, people are locked in. Whatever deportment you are in…that’s where you are. If you’re FT, then you’re FT. Same as PT. He’s PT because that’s what he wants to be.

    I asked him how long he has been with the company and he tells me 4 years. So he’s not making a lot of money more than likely. He works 6am-10am and his ass is outta there. As he told me, he trades off ALL his Saturdays and works Saturday nights. Same on Sundays. Only thing is, there are hours, but they’re not always hours you want. Mostly people are giving away Fri,Sat,and Sun nights. It’s very hard to find hours during the week, and especially hard during the day. So if you’re part time and you give away 8-12 hours. Do the math, you’re screwed if you don’t make those up. Especially when you really need to try to clear at least 72 hours.

    So he’s making it harder on himself from my point of view. He doesn’t have to work nights, but because he needs to gain favor or the brothers and sisters, he thinks he needs to give away his Saturdays and Sundays.

    He told me his first wife died in Africa and he then met a sister here. He says his kids are 22, 21 ,18, 6 and 3.

    They all live at home. I’m thinking wow. They are of working age. You’re working PT, and go and have two more. That’s genius. NOT!!!!

    I asked him if the older 3 worked. Like most witnesses do when you ask them a question (after they grill you ) he kept talking as if he didn’t hear me. He got what I think a lot of JW’s get quite often when it comes to talking about them: Selective Hearing.

    I then asked him, because at this point I hadn’t. I asked him if he worked fulltime. Nope. Have you ever had your car repossessed? Nope. Ever had your lights or phone cut off ? Nope. Ever been evicted ? He actually asked me what that was. I said kicked out of your home. Nope.

    So he works part-time to further kingdom interest and go out in field service. He makes it harder on himself by giving away his hours though he works PT and already only gets 40 hours every two weeks. He’s never been evicted, had his phone and lights cut off. Or car picked up due to health reason and being out of work temporarily.

    Yet, he has all the answers to my life and what I should be doing. What really, and I mean REALLY got under my skin was that everything in his life is self-inflicted. 22, 21, and 18 ? They can’t get a job at least? If they’re going to be at home, do something.

    Two more kids? If you have 3 grown children and you’re already working part-time, wrap it up !!!!

    I have no sympathy for him, and if I hear from him again, I’m not sure what I’m going to say,but It won’t be nice.

    Does anybody on here know people like this ? Or better yet, ever had anybody in the same situation try to tell you what you need to be doing in your life. Yet, they are struggling from problems that are self-made simply from following JW rules and regulations.

  • GrandmaJones

    I think perhaps you should tell him what you just told us. Or, tell him calmly that if the time comes when you need or want advice, that you will be sure he is the first to know. Smile, shake his hand, and walk away.

  • No Room For George
    No Room For George

    I love your posts man, I feel like you're talking about my life personally. I'm single, in the same position financially, with the only difference being that I'm quite active in the organization. I know what you mean about people throwing advice at you. I get it from JWs, nonJWs, women, men, supervisers, all of them bruh!!! If I had a dollar for how many guys told me they envied me for not being married with kids, or told me that whatever I do not to get married, I'd be set for life.

    You're right about Africans being pushy, and I'd take it a step further and say Nigerians are downright corrupt. Don't ever get too close to a Nigerian.

    As far as people who are in screwed up positions in life, handing out advice, JWs can be something else in that regards. I think often enough when they're encouraging you to do this or do that, they're often justifying the same things for themselves. They're quick to forget about when Paul talked about individual consciences and how each should be convinced in his own mind. When it comes to salvation, it's nobody's business but our own how we seek to work that out, if we believe in that sort of thing. On the other hand, to be fair, the man probably felt his conscience dictated that he encourage you. Situations like that I think its best to say, "You're right brother!", then you wink your eye at the wall and K.I.M.. (keep it movin for those not in the know)

    My current Circuit Overseer, who I have to say when I first met him, I wanted to smack flames out of him. I was fantasizing about how I was gonna stomp a mudhole in him, even training for the day. Like I wanted to be the first JW to knock out a CO or get charged with assault. The second time he came around, I have to say, he left a different impression on me, even inspired me. He encouraged me to seek more goals for myself within the organization, such as pioneering, or serving where the need is great, but more importantly taking a more keen interest in those with needs in the congregation. I bought him lunch, and not because I had to, but there's more the conversation I had with him, that I can't relay to you. However, it humanized him tremendously in my eyes, and even inspired me to do more. Now, as far as his recomendations of pioneering and all that other jazz, if I knew it would accomplish something, I'd do it, but I know otherwise. That being said, I appreciate his interest in me, but I'm not stupid. That being said, I'll play the game, just like I know he's playing the game. I think you should do the same with the African fella at your job man. Smile, thank him, and then move on. There's no reason to be hostile towards him, matter fact I think you should be sympathetic towards him. He's the one with a life that no single man in his right mind would trade for. That being said, be cordial, all the while being satisfied with your life and thanking God you're not in his shoes.

  • ShirleyW

    Employees are supposed to keep there religious views to themselves, you can report him to HR for that.

  • serenitynow!

    Your story made me so mad! When he said that first thing about "brother you know what you need to do" crap I would have told him, "what you need to do is mind your own business"! You are grown, there is no reason why he should be getting all in your business like that.

  • AGuest
    My current Circuit Overseer, who I have to say when I first met him, I wanted to smack flames out of him. I was fantasizing about how I was gonna stomp a mudhole in him, even training for the day. Like I wanted to be the first JW to knock out a CO or get charged with assault.

    GUFFAWWWW! Snort! Snort! Almost p'd my pants on that one, dear RoosterMan!


    SA, on her own...

  • NewChapter

    He probably thinks that he works part time with all those kids, puts kingdom interests first, never got evicted, cut off, repo'd, so he has Jehovah's blessing. He feels perfectly qualified to give you advice, because in his eyes he is a success. He is one illness away from reality. I suspect he isn't completely honest either. 20 hours a week and no financial troubles? Are you sure his older kids don't work? Maybe they do and are supporting mama and papa since they won't work to support themselves. Jehovah provides! LOL

    Also you say he is African. I have often been amazed at what immigrants can do with money. Many I have known have many family members in the house and go without a lot of things we like to have---like cable and internet. He may just be exceptionally thrifty, and that can be a cultural thing.


  • White Dove
    White Dove

    My JW boss said that discussing religion and politics on the job is actually illegal.

    I think comments here or there isn't illegal, but pushing one's opinion goes over the line.

  • cptkirk

    here is what you tell him:

    1. ok you see my life, i got my life together because i know what i'm doing.

    2. now if i take your advice right? and then things in my life start to go bad. are you then going to step in, and pay all my bills once this occurs?

    3. so you see what an awkward position you're putting me in here?

    4. if i dont listen to you, i will be seen as disrespectful.

    5. if i do listen to you, and again, things dont work out, are you going to step into *my* life again, and pay my bills etc?

    6. no you're going to in a round about way tell me "tough shit", and or somehow i didn't follow your directions to the letter, therefore it's my fault.

    7. so you see, please dont take it personal, when i tell you to please mind your own business. 7 = completion - i must of been guided by holy spirt

  • IsaacJ22

    I have had similar problems with Witnesses, and even other evangelists from time to time. One of the things I often argue is that their approach and attitude often undermines their goal of making and keeping converts.

    Dealing with Witnesses like this is very hard if you don't want to be declared an apostate. It's much easier for those of us who don't care. :-) But I would take him to task for talking down to you as if he were a higher form of life looking down on you. Then I'd point out that even the Society doesn't approve of Witnessing on the job at work.

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