Do JW's really do this?

by NY23brown 24 Replies latest social family

  • nugget

    Sadly conditioning in JW land goes deep and unless someone has truly broken free from its control then they are able to continue to push buttons. You were right to identify that there is no compromise in this religion and they will expect you to accomodate them not the other way around. Coupled with this recent articles and assembly programmes have whiped JWs up into a frenzy about unbelieving relatives it is a powerful mix.

    If visits are unpleasant and unannounced I would put it to your husband that unexpected visits are not a good idea since he has obviously gone to some effort to come and cannot expect it will always be convenient. If your father in law arrives unannounced then state you are sorry but you and the girls have other plans and you are on the way out. Be friendly and regretful but get out of there.Your husband does not want to confront his parents but the longer he leaves it then the worse it will become. If he does not believe then he needs to make sure they know that, then his parents will either shun him completely or he has the basis to say to them that their religion is not a topic he wants to discuss. He does not need to be unpleasant but he can disagree without being disagreeable.

    I would also have a family meeting and you and the girls express your concerns about his mum and dad and how they make you feel. Tell him your fears and how you love him but feel that he is being pulled in all directions and it can't be comfortable for him. Ask him how you can help him to stand up to his parents. At the very least ask him to request no further visits from elders since they serve no purpose, he is not intending to go back so why waste their time. If he cannot stand up for himself then ask him to at least make a stand for his children and set ground rules with his parents about them. For example if they are unhappy with their behaviour then they address it with you or your husband and do not shout at them. He must surely want your children to have a good relationship with them but at the moment they do not and that is sad for all of you.

    If he is still allowing them to control him then it will be a slow process he needs to stop thinking about himself and start thinking as a husband and father and that takes training and time.

  • NY23brown

    Excellent post, nugget. I may just have to print this off and show him.

    Thank you!

  • poppers

    Keep using your "Back" button on your PMs, and do a Refresh Screen - they will eventually show up.

  • jamiebowers
    I'm not angry with my husband, I'm disappointed. He doesn't take a stand for his daughters or myself. He would rather try to keep the peace with his parents than do the right thing for the rest of us.

    I know how you feel. Although it wasn't jw related, my husband's family used to to mistreat me. I assumed you were angry, because I sure was! Fortunately, my husband manned up and put a stop to it but not without a little motivation from me. It's been so long ago that I don't remember the exact words, but it was something like, "I put you ahead of everyone else, and I expect a real man to do the same for me". The problem is that your husband has that extra Watchtower conditioning.

    Nugget's suggestions, as always, are very good. She's always reasonable. Me, on the other hand, I'm hell on wheels, LOL! Seriously though, please check out Combatting Cult Mind Control. It sounds as though your husband talks the talk but can't walk the walk whn it comes to the Watchtower. If he chases the elders away, chances are good that he'll be shunned by his family. Shunning is very painful but it's a whole lot easier when you understand the dynamics of the cult thinking that causes the shunning in the first place.

  • BluesBrother

    I fully agree with Nugget....but of course we can only know so much about a situation...everyone is different and you know your husband the best of all. You know how to reach him.

    It does seem to be more a problem with family than with J W's , Your husband is going to have to stand up and state firmly to his parents where he stands and to these local J W's before they stop calling.....BTW they of course call on everybody..........

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