Do JW's really do this?

by NY23brown 24 Replies latest social family

  • NY23brown

    I will skip my vent portion...

    Will just say that my husband is an ex-JW (since about age 18). He's now in his 30s. His parents are not happy with how we live and are now trying to lure him back to their religion...minus his wife and kids. Have had two visits from the JW's showing up at our home and they only want to speak to my husband. They then guilt trip him and mention his mom. I'm fed up! Just wondering if any JW's out there will attest to the lengths controlling parents will go to to guilt trip family members who have left their religion. They have never really liked me much (not a JW, nor will I ever be). They have been a thorn in my side ever since I stood up to them for some hitting/verbal abuse they unleashed on our 2yr old. They can hate me all they want, but I will not let someone hit/yell at my child regardless of who they are. And it was my understanding that JWs going door to door try to convince everyone in the house to become a JW. These fools are definitely just trying to lure my husband. Advice...

  • Black Sheep
    Black Sheep

    I was him.

    The primary doctrine, the one that holds them all in captivity, is that the Watchtower was selected by Jesus in 1919 to be God's sole channel of communication to mankind in our day.

    Combining that belief with all seeing invisible space creatures spying on your behaviour day and night and an easily offended bi-polar killer god bringing Doomsday any day soon and you have a recipe for a nut job. Which I was for many years.

    It doesn't matter if they are not a practicing, preaching JW going to the Hall every Sunday, if they don't fully understand that that doctrine is a load of bollocks, they are likely to run back to the cult when the right triggers are pushed.

    Where do you think he is with that doctrine?

  • NY23brown

    We don't even live in the same state as his parents anymore, but they are unhappy that I stood up to them regarding their behavior toward our children. My husband should have stood up to them. Unfortunately, he feels torn. I feel I am not putting him in this position. They are.

    He doesn't agree with his parents, but he is afraid to stand up to them, especially his father, who, unfortunately for me, has put a major strain on our marriage simply because he didn't like not getting his own way.

    These visits do worry me, and I feel they are threatening to my children and myself. How do I put a stop to the visits. My husband claims he is just "entertaining them" when they show up. Actually, he is just afraid to stand up to any of them...guilt, guilt, guilt.

    He refuses to go to marriage counseling and is in denial of how his parents are toxic to our marriage. Claims I am "insane" to accuse his parents of such things...

  • Retrovirus

    Welcome, NY23brown!

    Like you, I've never been a jw. My former SIL is, and over the years has made many attempts to convert me. More importantly, her religion was the major factor in wrecking their marriage, although both tried their hardest to stay together for the children.

    The trouble is that compromise with jws is never an option. They have the "truth" ( ) and we worldlies do not. And they are trained to put compliance with their elders well ahead of family ties.

    Is your husband completely certain that it is not "the truth"? If he has the least uncertainty, you'll be recommended excellent books here, including those of Ray Franz. I'll just recommend that you both thoroughly check out jwfacts.

    You can best protect your family by limiting involvement with your in-laws, and ensuring that your husband is not vulnerable to the attempts to get him back in.

    And very well done for standing up for your child!

    Keep reading and posting, Retro

  • Retrovirus

    Right, just read your last post. Perhaps educate yourself about the crazy beliefs of this "religion", and then join your husband and the elders, and just ask a few questions. that's all it takes. The beliefs are quite impossible to defend.

    Expect a lot of complicated replies that are not answers, but change the topic, want to know why you are asking, etc. . .Keep returning to the original question and don't let them off.

    The later, with your husband, express disappointment, and say you really wanted to understand. The idea is to get him wondering and perhaps researching. . .

    Good luck

  • NY23brown

    My FIL is the worst. He is the major instigator in the situation, as my MIL has basically just kept her distance. She calls us her "so-called family".

    Compromise, as I have learned, is definitely not in their vocabulary. This confirms to me that they are trying to guilt trip him back to their religion.

    They don't call and ask about the kids, we no longer go visit them, they voluntarily moved out of the state we live in...just the occasional surprise visit from my FIL and all hell breaks loose. He literally makes me ill having him come to our house. He makes my daughter (now 6) nervous. He's a nuisance. But my husband refuses to take a stand against him. I'm convinced they have told him to not go to marriage counseling.

    I've considered divorce, but I know my kids would then be forced to visit their grandparents and that is the LAST thing I want to do is send two small children to stay with mean and miserable grandparents who are mean to them out of spite that we aren't their religion.

  • jamiebowers

    First of all, welcome to JWN. Second, I know you're angry, but calm down! Your husband is feeling atacked on all sides, because he probably hasn't loosened the bonds of cult mind control. The first thing to do is get Steven Hassan's book "Combatting Cult Mind Control", and use his techniques to deal with your husband. Once he realizes that the Watchtower isn't any diferent than any other cult, introduce him to Ray Franz's book, "Crisis of Conscience". When he's ready, bring him here. Although he may need professional counseling, he'll find lots of help and support here, and so will you.

    Click on the blue envelope in the upper right hand corner. Hi the back arrow button after you get an error message. Then refresh the page, and you should be able to click on a private message from me.

  • Black Sheep
    Black Sheep
    Unfortunately, he feels torn
    he is just afraid to stand up to any of them...guilt, guilt, guilt.
    He refuses to go to marriage counseling and is in denial of how his parents are toxic to our marriage.
    Claims I am "insane" to accuse his parents of such things...

    All of these are clues that he is not mentally free of the cult.

    Has he ever said anything that makes it absolutely clear that he believes that the religion is not what it claims to be?

    Was he telling the truth? Were you suspicious that he might be just saying what you wanted to hear?

    Has he got JW literature? Bible?

    How long since he went to the 'Memorial'?

  • NY23brown

    I couldn't get your PM to show up.

    I'm not angry with my husband, I'm disappointed. He doesn't take a stand for his daughters or myself. He would rather try to keep the peace with his parents than do the right thing for the rest of us. He makes fun of JWs all the time and says they are a cult and wants no part of it. But somewhere deep inside, they have the reigns on his he's still some goofy kid they can tell what to do. He has often spoke of his unhappy childhood. I'm trying to learn more, that's how I came across this website.

    Kind of late...will check back tomorrow to see if I can open that PM. Goodnight:)

  • Black Sheep
    Black Sheep
    But somewhere deep inside, they have the reigns on his behavior

    On the left of the Armageddon pic is a woman holding a child.

    The message is that Jehovah kills children of non-believers at Armageddon, which is coming soon.

    His parents will be telling him that if he doesn't hurry up and 'get in', Jehovah will kill his chidren and it will be all his fault.

    You are right to be worried about your kids staying with their grandparents. They will not be able to resist the urge to tell the kids that Jehovah will kill Mummy if she doesn't join their church, & if Daddy hasn't dragged his arse back to the KH, they will probably pull the same stunt to use the kids to guilt Daddy into 'saving' the family by going back to the church.

    That is why you need to be sure that he truly is a non-believer. If he thinks there is even the slightest possiblity that the Watchtower was selected to be God's channel and that Armageddon might come, then his family have a lever they can work with. They will be using any bad news in the media to imply that Armageddon is soon, a tactic the church has been using successfully for over a hundred years.

    His parents would be very keen to keep you two away from a marriage counsellor. A marriage counsellor would be a 'Worldly' and as such, is under the influence of Satan, who's part in the play is to have all of you on his side, the side that gets killed at Armageddon.

    One thing you will have to be careful of, is scaring him away while questioning him. Softly, softly.

    You want to know what he believes ..... then why.

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