Hope this is where I should post. About my relationship with an ex jw... (page 2)

sizemik

I am doubting he went back to the church

I'm not that doubtful curious5 . . .

In leaving you to return home, he has probably given in to the pressure to return. That month would have been a refreshment of all that was inculcated during his upbringing . . . and totally without outside counter-influence. At the end of that period, many years of cult conditioning will have been revived. His Mum sounds like she will be playing the emotional card as well. It would be no suprise at all if he accompanied his parents to the very next meeting . . . and has been attending most of them since.

I feel he has not used his time away from the cult to do research and make a decisive conclusion about his religion . . . hence his indecisiveness. He may simply have been seduced by the youthful desire for freedoms, and seldom given thought to his former religion out of guilt. Without that investigation, he remains vulnerable to returning . . . very vulnerable.

If your attachment is not strong . . . the best option is to walk. Being drawn into the realm of a JW family will invariably bring you a lifetime of troubles and difficulties through their stringent shunning policy.

If your attachment is strong and you wish to persue the relationship . . . sorry for you, but prepare for dissappointment. Even if you were successful, your family with him will be minus a set of Grandparents, Aunts Uncles etc.

Oh ... and just FYI ... some research has shown JW's to be as much as 16x more vulnerable to mental illness and 4x more vulnerable to suicide than general pop.

To qualify the above . . . I was JW for more than 25 years . . . many here longer.

All the best to you . . . hope it all helps

Black Sheep

Take a look at this

It's all getting to me now...I let them back in my head, help

Broken Promises

The dude is only 24, few guys at that age are emotionally prepared for a long-term emotional committment.

Be glad that you're now away from a dysfunctional family such as his. He wasn't willing to cut the cords with Mummy and be his own man so be grateful that you're free of him.

I hope someday you meet a real man who is worthy of your affections.

dm6

Hi and welcome

AS ABibleStudent has rightly pointed out, you have clearly dodged a bullet. Do not get caught up in this cult. These JWs will see you as what they would refer to the rest of the world as " worldly" or corrupted by satan and a bad influence.

i would give you a long in depth detailed description on what i think is going on here, but you dont want to hear it, and i dont wanna type it but ill say this:

He is clearly in 2 minds about this faith (cult) and that is NOT a good sign. You dont want years down the track for him to turn your future kids into JWs and refuse them a blood transfusion and possibly die!

stay well away from the cult, run away!

moshe

Just because a raised in JW isn't baptised, doesn't mean he isn't under the influence of the cult.

My grown kids still subconsiously avoid birthdays and mother's/father's day. They left the KH around 12-13, but some brainwashing just keeps hanging on. Like the rest- I agree be glad he left you. Find a normal person, now.

curious5

Thank-You everyone for your insite into what happened. I am finding some comfort in knowing what situation I was un-knowingly dealing with. I never happened to ask him if this had anything to do with JW. It seems there was obviously some sort of manipulation there. He kept telling me that his head hadn't been right lately, and most of the time he didn't know what to say about the breakup. He refused to let me see him again either, which was very odd, or even travel to where his parents live (where he is staying), he did not want me anywhere near there. (it is about an hour and a half away).

I find it very hard because the authentic personality person was the one I fell in love with, and he was an amazing guy. He had almost all the qualities I had ever looked for in someone, extremely kind hearted, friendly and generous with a sparkle in his eye. - It is hard to forget that person.

I thnk the cult personality did come out when he got stressed. I know the last while he was very stressed about money etc..He got very cold. a dead look in his face and eyes, he would flip back and forth between friendly and irate. for example during the breakup he would start talking to me about something on tv, then I mentioned we should see each other and he would go angry and say Ï SAID I don't want to talk about it anymore. then he would flip right back to a friendly person talking about tv. It was so unusual

During all this I am trying to move on. I don't know if he would go off the handle if his poker career didn't work out. It seems that he would turn to it every time he got stressed out and I don't know if he would blame me for it in the end or be dangrous. This is always in the back of my mind as he has a set of keys to my house, I haven't spoken to him in almost a month now and he still hasn't returned them even though he said he would. When we did end it he told me he did not want to find another woman and if he did want to be in a relationship it would be with me but he just doesn't want one anymore, it was always a different answer. He tried to stay friends with me but I didn't want a part of it anymore so I said no. I just don't know which person I am going to get and I wanted to distance myself, it is too hard to move on if I don't.

I have to say this has been one of the most unfortunate and unusual experiences I have had in my life. I really want to forget about the whole JW organization, and act as if it never existed. I feel that indirectly it spoiled my relationship and my chance at a happy life with that person, too bad the Kingdom Hall is right down the road from my house - they knock often.......

GLTirebiter

This is always in the back of my mind as he has a set of keys to my house, I haven't spoken to him in almost a month now and he still hasn't returned them even though he said he would.

Alarm bells are ringing! Based on his unpredictable behavior, you don't want him having access to your place. Call the locksmith and get your locks re-keyed, it's cheap insurance! If you rent, tell the landlord that you changed the key (and tell them why, so they won't let him in) and give the landlord a new key.

clarity

Run Sweetheart, for many reasons.

Poker Player???? You may just be the only source of income IF you did marry him.

I know it hurts .... sorry

clarity

Quarterback

Hi Curious, and welcome to this site.

Hey, thanks Bible Student for that You Tube video link to Ray Franz's comments...that was the first time I saw him close. I did see him in Montreal Quebec from a distance at our Assemblies in the 70's.

Curious. If your boyfriend was a devout JW, he wouldn't of had a relationship with you. The JW's are told not to pursue such a relationship. The rationale for this is provided by using some historical scriptures, and what you hit bang on with the religious holidays, and blood issues.

So that is a difficult union, but possible, to work out.

Let's face it. We are not all monsters with social/ mental issues that was commented on by some of these postings. I could say the same thing goes on with the people that I work with. There are really some issues going on there with non JW's. Yes, we have some baggage issues. But when you choose a marriage mate you have got to be discerning and careful This decision is going to make you, or break you. You could marry a Catholic and have some problems that are going to be worse.

Your boyfriend's JW background is part of him. Don't cast him out if he comes back and admits he is ready. But, if you don't see a future with him and this is a deal breaker, cut him loose. I don't think that you have a devout JW boyfriend, because he has compromised in pursueing a relationship with you. If he has compromised there, he may compromise in other things in the JW faith

rebel8

I have heard that JW can sometimes suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder.

ROFLMAO There is no correlation between those 2 things. The religion itself causes lots of emotional issues but no, it cannot cause Borderline Personality Disorder.

Do you think that JW had something to do with all this? I also found his behaviour unusual sometimes as ::

he was afraid of commitment

could never make a decision it was always I don't know

Possibly related. Fear of making the wrong decision b/c friends/relatives will shun you, Jehoopla will smite you with lightning, etc. Also no experience with making decisions for oneself, being so controlled by others, causes difficulties later on when one is faced with making choices.*

Was obsessed with playing poker/the dream of a poker career

No correlation, unless he is undereducated b/c the church discouraged college, and he's trying to make a buck without working for it.*

Would get upset easily

Personality would change , almost like he would even look like a different person.

I experienced that too--had zero coping skills and was constantly faced with fearful, unfamiliar things so I responded with grumpiness.*

he told me his sister's friends would never come to their house

he had few friends, and most of the time they appeared to turn down his invites to his house(when he lived at home)

jws are not allowed to socialize with outsiders.

He also started to lie towards the end of the relationship. I don't know if this has anything to do with JW

Probably unrelated, but could be that he doesn't know how to be in a real relationship so he is just lying to cover up his lack of knowledge, experience and skills.

*All starred items are also correlated with 20-something people of all other religions.

Hope this is where I should post. About my relationship with an ex jw...

Share this