So, as it turns out, I was quite the Zombie.

by stray 22 Replies latest jw experiences

  • stray

    I'm a young man. Former MS/Pioneer. Happily drifting. The Lie was my life. I was one of those brainwashed-since-childhood kids that genuinely ate, slept and breathed every utterance published and promoted by that dead, soulless cult. The kind of puppydog witness who would stream tears at the end of a district convention- fought tooth and nail to "help build up the congregation". What a waste of life. Perfect way for a person to flush their childhood and teen years down the toilet. Leaves you with guilt, to boot- knowing that you were a tool who helped to spread the miserable societal virus to others.

    I was raised in The Lie- never celebrated Christmas, never had any "worldly" friends. Never had a birthday party. Never even had sex till my twenties (and I really am a handsome devil). Never had "higher" education. Never said the Pledge of Allegiance. Never voted- Never thanked a Soldier for his service. Never knew what I was missing.

    I'm going to tell you- what ended up saving me was my attachment to my childhood best friend whom I "lost to the world" during our teens. Through the later half of our teen years, I never gave up on him- never gave up on trying to "save" him. One day it hit me- God was going to KILL him? For what- wanting to be like every other redblooded American kid? Not going to sit down in a building owned by hypocrites for hours every week? Trying drugs? I waged that war internally for some time. I just didn't believe it- I didn't believe that this GOOD person did anything that warranted being killed by an God that "is love". He was never any less of a friend to me- even if I was the worst friend that any normal person could have ever asked for.

    My story is long and tragic, like all others. I'd love to tell it and disclose the details, twists and turns. But I still have family being held hostage, rotting in that prison. Want to help them out...and I'm sure some of the elders watching this place would love as many details as they could get about me. They're already suspicious of me. (Ha-ha, f*ckers, you'll never catch me) But yeah, I'd like to avoid clown justice for as long as possible. My story is unique- one day, when I have no OpSec to violate, I'd love to tell it.

    Thanks to all of you on here, who- whether you realized it or not- gave me company during this lonely transition with your posts and expressions of conviction. Thanks to Ray Franz (I know you're reading this, Ray!), Marvin Shilmer, Theocratic Joker. Thanks to God- by whatever name You'd like me to call You. Thanks.

    What a beautiful feeling. Freedom.

  • talesin

    Awesome,,, born-in myself, and wish I woulda had your 'tude back in the day!!!

    welcome, stray :)


  • fade_away

    Although Ray may not be reading this (he died last summer)....we all here are and we're glad you woke up. I woke up a year ago and I'm glad I did. I tried to explain my reasons for leaving to my family but all they kept asking is "where will you go without us?" I figured "so many places I've never been before!"

  • stray

    Thanks for the kind words, both of you. I remember reading that Ray had passed...I suppose I like to think that he's somewhere looking down. Either way...I'm glad to have a "family" of you guys on here. I'm like you- I rejected The Lie completely about a year ago. Just now getting to the point where I think that I've pulled off a successful "drift"- nobody expects me to be there anymore. Not even my wife.

    Isn't it creepy to hear your family talk, now? It sounds so much different from the outside- I pick up on so much more desperation when I listen to them. I was really angry to start with. Now I'm beyond anger- I feel sadness for them. It's so hard to listen to the same old rehashed "broken record" rants- as if, in their minds, they say it enough times it will come true. I know what it feels like to be a misguided, hell-bent individual who is engaged in true religious zealoutry. I'm willing to slowly work with any of them who are willing to open up their minds just a little bit. My better half is my main concern, right now. She's a wonderful person who is heavy in to the cult. Hope I can help her to reclaim her life, too.

    I've hunted down some of my old Return Visits- the ones that I knew who became vehemently opposed to Witnesses- and apologized to them. I let them know what happened to me. Actually made several new friends out of that same group of people.

    And tal, my 'tude hasn't always been the greatest. I've done my best to recover from a spiralling crash- depression, trainwreck, etc. I'm fine now. I can tell you that I am a calm, cold, calculated and very dedicated person. I am "driven". The same sense of purpose and honor that kept me from giving in to "Satan's" sweet little "temptations" all of those years is still somewhere inside me. As long as I am alive, I will be looking for ways to "help" Watchtower Society along to it's inevitable fate of total obsoletion and structural, organizational nonexistence. If Bethel closes it's doors during my lifetime- hell, that would be a dream come true for me. I hope that I live to see it.

  • talesin

    Here's some good news ---- just heard today that an extended family of 8 left the KH,,,, EIGHT,,, old mom, middle aged sons, elders, ms, total dyed-in-the-wool backbone of the congregation, which is,,, of course,,, DECIMATED!!! The leaders are gone *poof*,,, just like that.

    WOOP WOOP!!!

  • Velour

    Hi and welcome you handsome devil you! Look forward to reading your posts in the future.

  • Hortensia

    Great post. I am so glad you saw that a loving god wouldn't kill a good person just because he didn't go to your church.

    If there was a god, which there isn't, why would god be less loving than humans?

    Thanks for sharing, and thanks for your wonderful heart

  • Velour

    Wow, that's great news Talesin! What part of the world did this happen? D*mn I want my family to leave soooo bad.

  • Broken Promises
    Broken Promises

    Hello and welcome! My childhood and teenage years were just like yours... so sad they were wasted worshipping a false religion.

    Anyway, glad you've woken up out of that mess, and I hope your wife does too.

  • wobble

    BIG Welcome Stray !

    Thanks for writing as much of your story as you can. I too was born in, and stayed in for 58 sodding years ! My wife left with me,in 2008, so I was very lucky, it is taking her longer to get rid of the JW influence than me, I never bought in to the whole thing anywhere near 100%, she was always telling me off as I pointed out logical fallacies and utter B.S etc.over the years.

    All my close family are still in, my 91 yr. old mum, sisters , nephews and nieces and their children etc. and I don't hold out much hope of getting them to wake up, god knows, I have tried.

    Good luck for the future, just show your wife how much you love her, put her first in everything except JW stuff, you don't have to do that, make her time with you much better than the time she spends with the JW's, that way she will eventually wake up as to who really loves her.

    Welcome to freedom in the real world, as the real you !

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