To be a good Jehovah's Witness you must......

by Sour Grapes 13 Replies latest watchtower bible

  • Chemical Emotions
    Chemical Emotions

    I was 2, 6, 7, and 8.

    "Believe that no matter how often the WTBTS is wrong, they're still right".

  • Evidently Apostate
    Evidently Apostate

    be taking any number of pharmacuticals for depression or add

    EA

  • Nathan Natas
    Nathan Natas

    Here you are, straight from the horse's ass mouth - and don't say neigh!

    WATCHTOWER, April 1, 1986, pages 30 & 31, "Questions From Readers"

    (...)

    "Approved association with Jehovah's Witnesses requires accepting the entire range of the true teachings of the Bible, including those Scriptural beliefs that are unique to Jehovah's Witnesses. What do such beliefs include?

    That the great issue before humankind is the rightfulness of Jehovah's sovereignty, which is why he has allowed wickedness so long. (Ezekiel 25:17)

    That Jesus Christ had a prehuman existence and is subordinate to his heavenly Father. (John 14:28)

    That there is a "faithful and discreet slave" upon earth today 'entrusted with all of Jesus' earthly interests,' which slave is associated with the Governing Body of Jehovah's Witnesses. (Matthew 24:45-47)

    That 1914 marked the end of the Gentile Times and the establishment of the Kingdom of God in the heavens, as well as the time for Christ's foretold presence. (Luke 21:7-24; Revelation 11:15-12:10)

    That only 144,000 Christians will receive the heavenly reward. (Revelation 14:1, 3)

    That Armageddon, referring to the battle of the great day of God the Almighty, is near. (Revelation 16:14, 16; 19:11-21)

    That it will be followed by Christ's Millennial Reign, which will restore an earth-wide paradise.

    That the first to enjoy it will be the present "great crowd" of Jesus' "other sheep."-John 10:16; Revelation 7:9-17; 21:3, 4.

  • mummatron
    mummatron

    Always carry a selection of tracts about your person for those informal witnessing opportunities that happen exactly as on a convention platform.

    Keep a magazine or 5 on the parcel shelf of your economical hatch-back so that you can count your time when passers by in car parks stare through the rear window.

    Never do any stretching excercises that could be construed as being yogic 'cause practising yoga will let the devil into your head.

    Not own any books, CDs, games, DVDs etc with the word 'war' in the title.

    Only ever listen to Kingdom Melodies whilst driving about in the ministry. Radio 4 is acceptable for the news and shipping forecast but you turn it off as soon as Women's Hour starts. Bloomin' feminists, usurping headship, it's not right!

    Speculate wildly and spread any gossip on anyone who's announced as DF'd or DA'd, 'cause they must've done something bad, right? You can't see why anyone would just want to leave of their own accord and miss out on a pet lion.

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