To be a good Jehovah's Witness you must......

by Sour Grapes 13 Replies latest watchtower bible

  • Sour Grapes
    Sour Grapes

    To be a good Jehovah's Witness you must:

    Have a fear of growing old and be vain about how you look.

    Struggle to make decisions.

    Be a nobody who can have power over others.

    Have a mental disabliity.

    Have a physical disabilty who wants a cure.

    Be normal, but have parents who are J.W.'s.

    Have had bouts of depression.

    Have a fear of being wrong.

    The above are based upon people in the KH

    that I go to.

    Sour Grapes

  • hoser

    Be mentally lazy

    Want others to do all the thinking for you

    Feel sorry for yourself

    Be co-dependant with other people

    want others to make your decisions

  • Patty Cake
    Patty Cake

    Be able to answer questions parroting WBTS literature, but in your own words so that you seem to be paying attention, sort of, but don't take too many liberties in paraphrasing or you'll be a bad association

    Visit the Farm, etc. and brag about it

    (for men) Measure you sideburns. Make sure that they look like Jesus' in the most recent copy of the Watchtower

    (for women) Measure hemline of your dress and make sure that your ankles don't show...or is it feet....

    (for single women) Try to convince the only really marriable man in the entire congregation to NOT go to Bethel, but sound like you really mean the opposite, and pray to Jehovah that you don't end up with that doofus who keeps hovering around you

    Only have family or personal "vacations" at bleak hotel rooms at conventions

    Forget that the Smurf thing happened and deny all knowledge of alleged events to non-JW's

    Forget that you believe that end is not near after all, and that all you really want to do is have some fun with "worldly people"

    Forget that none of what you are hearing makes any sense

    "Contribute" all your "extra" money, remembering this is especially important to do the more financially poor you are

    Tell everyone not to shop at yard/ garage sales, thrift stores or flea markets because that used lamp that you buy may be possessed by a Satan-demon- genie who will deprogam you so that you will not want to be a JW anymore

    Have a martyr complex (is helpful, but may not be necessary.)


  • Mad Sweeney
    Mad Sweeney

    Distrust establishment science, medicine, and the media except for when it reports how BAD everything is.

    Gullibly spend your time and money on quack remedies, spamming all your friends and relatives with the latest herbal cure you just read about

  • Honesty

    To be a good Jehovah's Witness you must:

    Be easily influenced

    Be a bit delusional

    Be out of touch with reality

  • FlyingHighNow

    Feel seriously guilty to the point of mental illness when you take care of your urges.

  • 30 years out
    30 years out

    Be extremely judgmental and find flaws and faults in all those around you.

    Consider yourself more righteous than your peers so that when they don't seek your advice you can feel even more superior.

    Question the motives and faithfulness of all your peers even those you call "friend".

    Vehemently defend and/or deny your own hypocrisy.


  • caliber
  • WontLeave

    ...obsess over every inane word of a bunch of barely-educated morons who represent 7 old men who claim to represent God.

    ...gush like an idiot over sitting in a stadium for 3 days, listening to the pseudo-spiritual babbling of printing company spokesmen.

    ...become inexplicably incensed when shown a scripture that denies one of your beliefs when you spend every Saturday morning trying to do just that to everybody else.

    ...believe "wait on Jehovah" means "wait on magazine writers to remove their heads from their asses".

    ...convince yourself rejecting God, Jesus, and the Bible to worship 7 old men and blindly obey a magazine as your holy book is the only way to be a "true Christian". willfully ignorant and even deny the precious few things you do know when they conflict with the writings of 7 senile old men and their secretaries.

  • Free!!

    Tell everyone not to shop at yard/ garage sales, thrift stores or flea markets because that used lamp that you buy may be possessed by a Satan-demon- genie who will deprogam you so that you will not want to be a JW anymore

    this statement is too funny... because sometime after i started fading, the elders ambushed me and asked me if i had bought anything or received any pre-used gifts, they said it may be possesed by demons... looking back...REALLy??? thats the best they can do... pity...

    BTW... to be a good JW u must....

    • have zero desire for personal satisfaction, be willing to spend the rest of your life working as a janitor/window cleaner/ yard worker.
    • Be willing to forsake vacation, time off and any leisure time in the name of "god" (WBTS)
    • Have zero sense of fashion!! (sorry i am girl i had to say it!) wear cheap suits and dresses and believe everyone is talking about your great dress while walking door to door under 105F (40C+) sun...
    • be willing to put a publishing company before your family and friends

    The list can go on... but i am sleepy! :)

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