My wife and I are lonely....I know too bad....

by itsibitsybrainbutbigenoughtosmellarat 26 Replies latest jw friends

  • itsibitsybrainbutbigenoughtosmellarat
  • St George of England
    St George of England

    Probably one of the main reasons my wife would never leave, after a life time keeping worldly people at arm's length, she would have no friends.


  • zoiks

    I know how you feel - it is lonely for us sometimes - the weekends used to be packed full of friends and fun, until the 'friends' disappeared. We have been very slowly building a new network of friends, and while the number of people in our lives has decreased, the quality is incomparably better.

    It takes time.

  • Found Sheep
    Found Sheep

    It's hard. I am just starting to feel less alone. Two things about leaving JWs. One - as a JW you have instant "friends" lots of them... 2nd I never developed the gift of how to make a good friend. It was a given. I was a JW and a pioneer everyone wanted to be my friend....

    Now? I get to start from 0 and learn to have the qualities that people like, and there is no hand book so... not sure where to start. I have made my mistakes and have made some "friends"...


  • AK - Jeff
    AK - Jeff

    Have you tried shortening your 'name'? That's a doozy! LOL

    It is not easy. My wife and I have come to the very painful conclusion that we never had any. We just thought we did! In the meantime I think we had learned [sub-conscience] long before we left the value of peace and quiet. We have made a few friends, but we never have to worry that our driveway will fill up with people in suits and dresses wishing to use our bathroom and perhaps 'encourage' us for not being out in 100 degree weather with them that day.

    I can count my personal friends on one hand after 7 years. I am actually ok with it. Not all are. Drop in anytime - no suits and dresses please. LOL


  • headisspinning

    We are kind of lonely too.

    All of our friends are in another city and we don't really have any friends here since leaving the Witnesses.

    Feel free to PM me and I will give you my email.

    :) Julia

  • unshackled

    Know the feeling itsybitsy. In the Org we had no shortage of "friends" but looking back they were mostly just acquaintances. But I do miss my old friends, the ones you've had from childhood, that have now been lost. Haven't communicated with what was my best friend in almost 3 years.

    So it's slow to start over. I've remarried so my wife's family has been a welcome addition to my life. Problem is we live 1500 kms away. My wife is a yoga instructor and she is starting to make some friends thru that. We live in a fairly small city with 3 congregations, of which I used to be a part of. Frustrating bumping into JWs who were once your friend. Or...having your ex-wife knock on your door in field service.

  • Black Sheep
    Black Sheep

    That won't change unless you get out there and do something.

    I'm signing up with another club today. A nice bunch of people getting together several days a week to gasbag over a beer/whatever.

    I don't need to join. I am welcome there anyway. It is really a donation towards the fledgling club.

  • Gayle

    This was interesting study that ones could only have about 150 friends, whether township type community, of work friends or family and associates.

    To me, very good friends is like a inner circle of friends, where you are there for each other through the good, bad and ugly, up to about as many as 5, fingers on one hand. These friends call for a lot of time and energy both ways. There is only so much time for each of us to give and be there enough for a select few, just by our nature. Then, we have degrees of friends, may not have a lot of time with but still share valuable interests, these may become very close friends at any time and some may become less close. Both are okay. Some are just very occasional friends, enjoyable and fun. All take some time.

    Take up sports, even bowling, join a team. Join a book club. Take up ballroom dancing. Arts, crafts. Take classes, there's such an abundance.

  • sizemik

    B Sheep is right . . . we have to get pro-active. As others have alluded . . . it's not easy or natural for XJW's because we've never really had to. Friends have always been "on tap".

    Find something that has in the past, or likely will interest you and simply wander in on an interest group. Most people are friendly and outgoing and keen to welcome new blood . . . even more so than JW's you will find. True friends take time, but just being around people is a welcome relief from too much time alone. Take the plunge . . . and don't be daunted . . . you'll be pleasantly suprised.

    Good luck

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