How did you fill the void after leaving?

gutted

I'm curious about how people filled the void after leaving the JWs. I'm at a point, a bit over a year after leaving, where I am finding I have confronted the reality of my life and situation... and it's depressing. I realize I have holes in my life (a significant other, social activities, something higher/beyond myself) which many worldly people naturally have filled but it feels unnatural for me, almost synthetic and it makes me more depressed the more I think about it. I know it's a part of my personality as well but I also know it's some of the pain of leaving. I almost missed (key word almost) the activites we had structured for us when we were JWs because they were our life.

What kinds of activities helped you to overcome those feelings?

OnTheWayOut

I read many books. They were part of my research and journey of discovery. I made friends from this forum and joined an ex-JW meetup. I spent too much time on JWN.

Hard to go by me, for I am learning to like being alone and enjoying quiet escapes in the woods or the beach or on my bicycle or at the movies. But I do enjoy my ex-JW friends.

palmtree67

I didn't find that there was any kind of void.

I had a relationship, I had a job, I started volunteering with causes that I felt passionate about, made new freinds and VOILA!

Whole new wonderful life!

Mad Sweeney

It isn't easy. I feel like I'm still working on it and I know it is still really hard for my wife.

Being really busy and active online helps me. I am a fairly regular poster here and I have a bunch of ex-JW Facebook friends. I also do Cult Free Radio which is something to focus on that may possibly help people.

I am also in counseling, as is my wife. It helps. For me it helps just to be able to say things to a live person who isn't judging me. Once in awhile the counselor gives some advice but mostly just asks questions to keep me talking.

If you can make real life friends, too, that's a bonus. We've made some. We're not nearly as social as we were as JWs but we're a much stronger family.

Billy the Ex-Bethelite

I think it's a void that I'm looking forward to. After I move and start classes in the fall, I'll see about work, activities and organizations on-campus, making new friends, picking out a Halloween costume (I know it sounds juvenile, but I've got decades to catch up on).

I'm sure there will be some times when I might feel tired, lonely, stressed, but mostly I'll be asking... "what void?"

undercover

You can't fill that large a void overnight. You have to start small and work you're way into the world.

I tried new things. Things I wanted to do but either didn't have time or was reluctant (not to bring reproach on the bOrg). Some things I tried once or twice and didn't care for, other things became new hobbies. Pursuing those things gave me oppurtunity to meet new people. Over time, I made friends and acquaintances. I'm not a super outgoing person, so the few, but quality, friends I've made have been enough to fill the friendship void.

Travel is another way to get out and experience new things and meet new people. I used this one to help deprogram my wife (inactive but still under some of the mind control). She loves to travel, so I encourage it. Anything to get her exposed to anything not JW related. Over time, she's become more socially active and outgoing in the "world" than I am. I think I created a monster...lol

I also started to read more. I've always like to read, and I like history. So I started reading about history that interested me. I also read biographies of notable people...sometimes people that a good dubbie might not read about. I started with a book written by a guy named Ray Franz...

And movies... I love movies. I've gone back and rediscovered the golden age of Hollywood. I've also gone back and watched all the classic R-rated movies that I missed along the way. I'm a little bit of a movie buff these days, though way behind "normal" people my age who didn't deny themselves all those movies over the years.

Honesty

Fornication and wild parties according to the rumor mill.

They couldn't handle the fact that my leaving had nothing to do with immorality and was solely the result of researching the doctrines and early history of the satanic JW cult.

Made a lot of new friends who have better morals than most JW's.

NewChapter

I went back to college and concentrated on making new friends. I also reconnected with people I knew before the JW's--they were very forgiving. I looked up old disfellowshipped friends.

Join a book club, hiking group--something. It's all in your hands now. No more ready made friends or social dates---BUT you have the control to choose WHO, and WHAT, and HOW. It's great. Large gatherings that never even worry about size, alcohol, what the elders think, will someone be stumbled, will I say something that will be interpreted as not having faith...etc.

To use the WT term---widen out. LOL But REALLY widen out because now you get to be part of a wide wide world with people you'll love, and people you'll hate. It's great.

NC

ChunkyMonkey

I thinking making real friends is a great place to start. If you were 'born in' it might be hard to know what your interests and hobbies really are. But it'll so much fun trying new things and deciding what you truly like to do with your time. Get a hobbie or 5. Join clubs - book clubs, scooter clubs, motorcycle clubs. You'll be surprised at how nice, normal, friendly, and welcome worldly people are!! Join a gym - take yoga classes! Yoga is SUCH a great way to relax and find peace... for some, maybe you'll hate it. But definitely try new things and make REAL friends. You'll soon be so busy you won't know how you even had time for meetings and service at all.

Oh, and definitely fornicate and do drugs. Don't want to disappoint the dubs!

ziddina

WHAT void???

Seriously, I couldn't WAIT to get out - not after being bullied/slapped/kicked/battered into the religion; marrying a JW who turned out [surPRISE!] to be a hypocritical bum; being treated like scum for going thru the "one-night-stand" schtick to get rid of him...[Oh, how I wish I'd been mentally more free so that I could have LIED about a "one-night-stand" - and given the elders an "uplifting" experience at the same time!!! ]

That is the ONLY thing that I regret about having left...

My parents were/are 'in', my brother was/still is 'in', most of the pseudo-'friends' were 'in' - though I was smart enough to have built an 'escape' route ahead of time - I was able to support myself financially, I had "worldly" - read, "SANE" - friends, a place to live OTHER than my parents' house, and so on...

There really was NO "void" when I left - I jumped ship and took off LIVING!!!

Zid the She-Devil

How did you fill the void after leaving?

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