Jehovah's Witnesses like to pretend that they are super loving and care about people. They don't. What they care about is getting by day to day and trying to put on an act that they are super dubs, so focused on the new system that they don't have the mental energy to care about their families or anything else non-WTS related. You will get the occasional witness who goes out of their way to be kind and loving to others, but it has little to do with the society and everything to do with their own personality. In my experience, Jehovah's Witnesses are the most selfish, self-righteous, hypocirites around. Full of rhetoric about how great and holy they are (they are Jah's people after all ) but never producing the actions to back that up. I wouldn't worry about what they have to say. Take your brother-in-law up on ignoring him and the rest of your hypocritical family. Concentrate on those in your family who aren't JWs.
As for the fade thing. You're done. As has been said, a fade is a gradual, unobtrusive withdrawal...usually with some corresponding "reason" (like family illness or a death) so that they can write you off and not bother you too much. If you tell them, its not a fade and they will feel they have to make a push to "save" you by yammering at you nonstop or disfellowshipping you in order to demonstrate the seriousness of leaving the cult. I'd just stop. Stop going to meetings, stop talking to them, stop going door to door or feeling like you have to turn every conversation into a recruitment talk, and stop worrying about it. Live your life and be happy.
There is nothing like the relief of getting up on a Saturday or Sunday morning and knowing you do not have to get dressed up, put together your bookbag and trott over to the KH to impress your fellow cult members...because that's what it mostly is. Normal door to door work rarely nets many converts, so its just a show that witnesses put on for each other. Sunday meetings are indoctrination reinforcement from which most seldom emerge from "refreshed". Its lovely not to feel forced to endure that junk any more.