Tonight I was invited out by some JW friends. I dont mind hanging out every now and then with them at all as long as they dont start bugging me about why im no longer going to meetings or on the the ministry. Anyway... guess what one of them started to do???
Thats right! I got into my car to leave and she came over and said in a VERY quiet voice, that she was VERY worried and she pleaded with me to come to the meeting tommorow night. I told her that i wouldnt be going as i have other arrangements and then she was SOOO pressurising... "Why arnt you coming anymore? Will you ever come again? Did I say something wrong? Give me a reason! Will you EVER tell me in the future?". I simply said: "Im not talking about it!". She became quite emotional. I feel she is a captive of her own beliefs. In reality nothing changes between TRUE friends.
For those of you who know me, you will appreciate my reasons: 1. Im gay and therefore dont fit in anymore, 2. I dont believe this is Gods Organisation anymore! Im no hypocrite and i have no desire to continue doing something which i dont agree with. Anyway, i wasnt prepared to open my heart at all with regards to my feelings. I dont see why i should.
So... Is this the beginning of the end? Is the panic button about to be officialy pushed? In some ways, i hope not, but in reality I WELCOME it. Im sick of the all the deception, hypocricy and lies that I feel i have been fed for so many years. Yes... Life is just beginning for me. Happiness is surrounding me... AT LAST!