NEW Young People Ask book - Mad Sweeney's Version

by Mad Sweeney 13 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • Mad Sweeney
    Mad Sweeney

    Young People Ask - Mad Sweeney's Answers

    Dealing with Family

    1. How can I talk to my Parents?

    Um, just start talking. It’s their job to listen.

    2. Why are we always arguing?

    Because you’re a teenager and your hormones make you overly emotional, and because your parents are busy trying to support your lifestyle. You need to chillax, try to be less demanding, and try to be more responsible.

    3. How can I earn more freedom?

    Try to be more responsible.

    4. Why did Dad and Mom split up?

    Probably because of you. LOLz. j/k. There are lots of reasons a marriage stops working. It would be hubris to try to put them all in a magazine article or book chapter. Just know this: It’s ok. It isn’t a negative reflection on them or on you or on your family.

    5. How can I deal with my parent's remarriage?

    Accept it. They’re grownups. When you’re grown up you’ll want your decisions to be accepted by your kids, too, right?

    6. How can I get along with my siblings?

    Don’t be selfish. Even if he’s a dick or she’s a bitch that doesn’t mean you have to be. Take the high road when you can but stand up for yourself when necessary.

    7. Am I ready to leave home?

    How much money do you make? If you are mature enough to work full-time without blowing your paycheck on toys and luxuries, then maybe you are. But if your parents are willing to keep supporting you, go to college before taking on the responsibilities of your own living arrangements. If it becomes a choice between parents home OR college, go to college.

    Your Identity

    8. How can I make good friends?

    This is similar to the way you get along with your siblings. Don’t be a dick or a bitch as the case may be.

    9. How can I resist temptation?

    Why do you want to resist temptation? Ask yourself that first. Then, if you have a good reason for wanting to resist, use that to motivate your behavior. If upon reflection you don’t really have a good reason to resist, go for it!

    10. Why should I care about my health?

    Because it is what keeps you alive. If you have friends and family they depend on you being alive. Whatever your self esteem, it would suck for everyone, yourself included, if you died. So take care of your health.

    11. What can I wear?

    Whatever you want.

    12. How can I boost my self confidence?

    Don’t base your self-image on what other people think and say about you. Know what you are good at doing and do it a lot. Too many people focus on their weaknesses and trying to improve them. That’s ok but only to a limited extent. You’ll be far more successful if you take what you’re good at naturally and work at it until you’re an expert. Then you can say to yourself: “I do ‘such-and-such’ and I kick ass at it!”

    13. How can I stop being so sad?

    Read “Wokini: a Lakota Guide to Happiness” by Billy Mills and do what he did.

    14. Why don't I just end it all?

    As mentioned in chapter 10, it would suck for everyone, including yourself, if you did this. You may sometimes want to end your misery or punish others by removing yourself from their presence, but death is not the way. It is an EPIC FAIL.

    I’m not a professional, so unlike the Watchtower Society, I won’t pretend to know what I’m talking about here. If you are having thoughts of suicide, see a professional and DO NOT seek out the Jehovah’s Witness elders who have NO IDEA how to help you. They’ll try to root out some secret guilt you’re feeling and “encourage” you to go out in service more and improve your meeting attendance.

    15. Is it wrong to want some privacy?


    16. Is it normal to grieve the way I do?

    It depends. How are you grieving?

    In and Out of Class

    17. Why am I afraid to share my faith at school?

    Because you’re being raised in a mind control cult and deep down inside you know it.

    18. How can I cope with stress at school?

    Make real friends. Get involved in extra-curricular activities like clubs or sports. Quit being a Jehovah’s Witness and drop the fear and guilt you’ve been indoctrinated with your whole life. You’ll feel much less stress.

    19. Should I quit school?

    No. In fact, you should go to school for as long as it takes to establish yourself mentally, emotionally, and intellectually. Even after leaving college, you should never stop learning and seeking after more information. You’ll never know everything but the journey to find out as much as you can about your universe can be a wonderful trip. Embrace it.

    20. How can I get along with my teacher?

    See chapter 6.

    21. How can I manage my time?

    Keep track of how many hours you spend on Facebook, on your cell phone (texting OR talking), and playing video games for a week or two. Around 90% of those hours are wasted time.

    Now that you know how you’re wasting time, you can take some of that time and do more productive things, or the things that you haven’t been getting done before, like homework, taking care of your home or your room, your job, helping your family, helping others, etc.

    22. Caught between cultures;What can I do?

    Learn as much as you can about both of them, then embrace and support them both. Diversity is an EPIC WIN. If you have an opportunity to be multicultural you have a leg up on your average WASP.

    Sex, Morals, and Love

    23. How can I explain the Bible's view of homosexuality?

    To explain it, you will have to understand it. Most English Bible translations are not accurate in this regard. Do your research, and I don’t mean on the WTLib CD-ROM. I’m not going to give you the easy answer. Learning things yourself is part of growing up. In the meantime know this: God doesn’t hate people, ANY people.

    24. Will sex improve our relationship?

    It depends. It could if you respect and love each other. If you are doing it with the goal of pleasing your partner and making him/her happy, joyful, secure, and orgasmic. If you’re just trying to get off for yourself, then see chapter 6. Also, always use protection. You aren’t ready for either children OR a serious disease.

    25. How can I conquer the habit of masturbation?

    Find someone you love having sex with. Again, always use protection. In the meantime, don’t even try to “conquer the habit of masturbation.”

    26. What about casual sex?

    Meh. If you use protection it might be ok. Sometimes. But to avoid hurting someone else’s feelings (see chapter 8) it is important to be on the same page with your partner. If you’re just scoring with him/her but she/he is under the impression it’s love, you might be violating the principle from chapter 6.

    Communicate first, and always. And use protection.

    27. Why don't boys like me?

    They probably would if you weren’t so cult-ish. Or perhaps you routinely violate the principle from chapter 8.

    Also, maybe they actually DO like you but you just don’t realize it. Learn about the cult mind control you’re under and try to shed it. A good book in this regard is “Combating Cult Mind Control” by Steven Hassan. It will change your life.

    28. Why don't girls like me?

    They probably would if you weren’t so cult-ish. Or perhaps you routinely violate the principle from chapter 6.

    Also, maybe they actually DO like you but you just don’t realize it. Learn about the cult mind control you’re under and try to shed it. A good book in this regard is “Combating Cult Mind Control” by Steven Hassan. It will change your life.

    29. How do I know if it's real love?

    Real love takes time. Real love is much more like friendship than it is depicted in most movies and TV shows. Romance is good stuff but it isn’t real love. So spend time with someone and see what sorts of things you both experience and face together and how you both feel about it as the relationship progresses. Is this someone whose faults you can accept? If you think you would like to change some things about him/her, STOP; you can’t. Ask yourself again, “Is this someone whose faults I can accept?”

    Like in chapter 14, I am not a professional in this regard and unlike the Watchtower Society I won’t pretend that I am. There are many experts who can help you with this sort of thing. Find them. Get a lot of advice and viewpoints and THINK about them rationally, not emotionally.

    Good luck. When you get “real love” figured out, let me know. Thanks.

    30. Are we REALLY ready for marriage?

    Probably not. Kids used to get married at age 13 or 14 but they also had careers by that time.

    Think about things like education and money and bills and jobs and responsibility first. Do you both have a handle on ALL that? Now consider marriage and when you ought to do it.

    31. How can I get over a breakup?

    Warning: DON’T REBOUND into another relationship quickly. This goes for breaking up with a person in a romantic relationship as well as leaving a cult mind control religion. Don’t hurry to get into another relationship/religion right away.

    Enjoy being FREE for awhile. There are many benefits to it and you may come to like it. There’s plenty of time for another relationship, and even though you might believe you’re looking for that ONE TRUE soulmate, there are PLENTY of fish in the sea. Unless you have a problem with the principle from chapter 8, there are probably millions of people on this planet you are compatible with.

    32. How can I protect myself from sexual predators?

    Leave the Watchtower Society IMMEDIATELY.

    If you know of any pedophiles, ALWAYS call the authorities and have them arrested.

    Self Destructive Behavior

    33. What should I know about smoking?

    It increases your risk of getting cancer and dying early.

    34. What's wrong with binge drinking?

    It is unhealthy and could even be deadly to yourself and those around you. See chapters 6 and 10.

    35. How can I break free from drugs?

    You’re already an addict at your age? Jeezus. Get professional help. I’m not a professional in this field and neither is the Watchtower Society. Their middle managers will just tell you that you’re sinning and need to go out in service more and improve your meeting attendance. It’s bullshit. I repeat: GET PROFESSIONAL HELP.

    Your Free Time

    36. Am I addicted to electronic media?


    37. Why won't my parents let me have fun?

    Are you responsible? Are you in violation of the principle from chapter 6? If your answers are “no” and “yes” respectively than those are probably the reasons.

    Another reason could be that your parents are in violation of the principle from chapter 6. Unfortunately, this is fairly common among Jehovah’s Witness parents.

    Good luck with that.

    Your Worship

    38. How can I make worship of God enjoyable?

    Join a fertility cult.

    39. How can I reach my goals?

    Work your ass off, follow the principle from chapter 6, and don’t base any of your decisions on the Watchtower.


    Questions parents ask

    Is there really any harm in arguing with my spouse or children?

    Yes, because you’re probably violating the principle from chapter 6.

    How much should my children know about my past?

    Most of it.

    How can I get my child to talk to me?

    STFU and listen to them.

    Should I enforce a curfew?

    You shouldn’t “enforce” anything. You should have a mature discussion with your son/daughter and come to an agreement. If both of you follow the principle from chapter 6, keeping the agreement shouldn’t become a problem.

    How can I handle conflicts with my children over clothing?

    Mind your own business. If you’re paying, you may think it’s all your decision. But really, if their choice costs the same or less than your choice, why is your opinion more important than theirs? Want to avoid conflicts? Don’t start them.

    Should I allow my children to play electronic games?


    What if my child is addicted to the cell phone, the computer, or other electronic media?

    Make being with you more interesting and fun.

    How much independence should I allow my child?

    As much as they can responsibly handle.

    When should my child leave school?

    After they earn a degree. In the USA that would be a Bachelor of Arts or Bachelor of Science, at a minimum.

    How will I know when my child is ready to leave home?

    He or she will tell you.

    Should I talk to my child about sex?

    Probably. Most schools cover the biological stuff but it might be smart to make sure your kid was paying attention. Most importantly, make sure he or she knows about and uses protection, ALWAYS.

    Should I let my child start dating?


    How should I respond if my child talks about suicide?

    Get them to professional help immediately.

    Do not talk to the congregation elders. EVER. They will try to root out some “secret sin” and “counsel” your child to go out in service more and improve meeting attendance. Nothing they say or do will help and it could make things even worse.

    Should I hide my grief from my children?

    No. You shouldn’t hide anything from your children. This is a stupid question. I don’t believe any parent ever asked this question to the Watchtower Society.

    How can help my daughter gain a balanced view of dieting?

    Get her to read professional information about the topic, not the ultra-simplistic stuff she would see in the Awake! If you think her problem is serious, get professional help.

    Elders don’t know a damn thing about girls’ needs (just ask their wives), so don’t even bother going there.

    How can I continue to teach my children about spiritual values as they enter adolescence?

    You can’t. Don’t bother. It will hamper their education and saddle them with unnecessary baggage for the rest of their lives, anyway.

    Our teenage has lost interest in spiritual things;What can we do?


  • Coffee House Girl
    Coffee House Girl

    If only I had the mad sweeney version as a teen I would have avoided many many mistakes and not wasted so much damn time!!!



  • cantleave

    Your Worship

    38. How can I make worship of God enjoyable?

    Join a fertility cult.

    stock vector : Laughing emoticon

  • No Room For George
    No Room For George

    4. Why did Dad and Mom split up?

    Probably because of you. LOLz. j/k.


  • punkofnice
  • sizemik

    Nice mixture of humour, reality, and good advice

  • maninthemiddle
  • Mad Sweeney
    Mad Sweeney

    I'm surrounded by college age teens and early 20s on a daily basis. I kind of have my finger on the pulse, I think. Thanks for the props.

  • sd-7

    See, this is what I'm talking about. This is why I don't go to apostate websites. They have NO SPIRITUAL FOOD WHATSOEVER to offer! Where is their organization??? They simply don't have my best interests at heart! They're mentally diseased, smuggling, lying, ravenous wolves who only want to 'steal and slay and destroy'! I'm glad I have the REAL Young People Ask book to protect my thinking from false friends like them!


  • sd-7

    LOL @ sd-7! Sometimes, in violation of chapter 14, I just KILL MYSELF! AH HA HA HA HA HAAA!!


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