by RagingBull 29 Replies latest social relationships
After my divorce from my JW husband (drug dealer and wife abuser) - I quit going to meetings cold turkey and met a wonderful man. He is NOT JW, is a cop, treats me wonderfully and I love him with my whole heart. It is possible.
AND my JW parents LOVE him ! I think they see how happy he has made me and since he is so sincere, its opened their eyes that not all "worldly" people are bad.
Awesome suggestions. I'm very familiar with Hassan. I'll get some of his material from the library. And maybe leave it out. She'll probably flip thru it. I'm on page 100 in CoC. This book is wild! Too bad its one my wife would never even THINK about reading. She saw a commercial for a movie that's out (RATED-R) and she always laughs at the clips. She said "Man! Why does it have to be rated-R???!!! I want to see that?" In my mind I'm like ""You're 20-something years old, what's stopping you?? Ohhh...that's right, the SOCIETY says you can't watch rated-R movies"
RagingBull
I'm with you 1,000%!! I live in USA, as well. I AM IN THE SAME PREDICAMENT. We WILL have to separate/divorce our mates, eventually. I havebeen put thru some ugly things when I was a full-blown JW in my marriage. And now that I nolonger put up with my husband or the JWS, I am EVERYTHING WICKED and EVIL. My family, his family, both congregations that he's served in KNOW the crap he's put me and the kids thru over theyears. I mean some HORRIBLE things. The bible says that, in short, ' a man serving the congregation should be FREE OF ACCUSATIONS.' Myhusband was FULL of them.
I worry VERY much as to what it would be like dating out here. I see a few of my friends, since their divorces, have made horrible decisions. Theyhave gotten out here and have gone wild, have been taken advantage of in serious financial matters, and so on. I have watched them and it has kinda just made be sit back.
I NEED to be out of this marriage for the sake of peace and my sanity as well as our 2 children's sanity.
He tries to imply that I'm having affairs, acts as if I can't take the kids on vacation w/out his permission. He has even attempted to come get MY children from ME when we were 40 miles away on a beautiful shopping trip with other family members on a Sunday...just to tke them to the meeting! HE BLEW MY CELLPHONE UP TRYING TO REACH ME TO COME GET MY KIDS FROM ME.....THEIR OWN MOTHER!!!!! I was enraged and the kids were terribly upset, too! Of course, I turned off my phone and told my daughter to do the same. When the kids are with me and he wants to take them to the hall or in field service (because you know JWs are taught that by any means necessary, NEVER allow your children not attend the meeting). He has even had ones from the hall stop by our home, when he is working evenings or Sundays, to come get the kids to take them to the meetings with them....without my consent. And I would answer my door and would polietly and turn their dumd-a$$es around. I called my husband after going thru that 2x to let him know in the court of law they will without a doubt give me FULL CUSTODY of our children. They look at the JWS as a cult. That stopped him in his tracks!
In short, I hope your marriage does work out if you 2 still have love for each other. When I read your words, it looks as if she's gonna dump you for the Borganization....be prepared.
From my experience of divorcing a dangerously abusive jw husband, my first advice to you is, and yes, I'm screaming these words to you:
DON'T LET THE BORG OR YOUR BORG TRAINED CONSCIENCE MAKE YOU FEEL UNWORTHY...of marital assets, custody/visitation of your kids, or anything else for that matter.
From my experience of dating after divorce, my adice to you is similar to SD-7's. Give yourself a chance to heal and figure out what you want from life. This will be very difficult, because you will be mourning the loss of your marriage and experiencing the trauma of leaving the cult.
Wow @itscrap, that's about right though. I've thought about the "free from accusation" stand in the case of many of the elders we know and even the Governing Body. "False Prophets" they're accused of being, but they somehow twist things (new light) and everyone accepts that! Its mind-boggling. They think its the "WORLD" that Satan has blinded, ummm...its THEM he has blinded.
Things really suck when kids are involved and its sad. Fight tooth and nail to MAKE THEM go to meetings, but if they die in the hospital for refusing blood...the society wipes their hands of it, or say "they took a stand for Jehovah". DUMMIES! I read the abstain from blood in the context its given! I don't eat blood sausages or foods/drinks of some foreign contries that use blood (knowingly). But if a main artery is slit and me or my kids are bleeding out...I have a decision to make. SAVE A LIFE! and I don't have a Medical Card (no blood card) for myself at all. (my wife probably has one for her and the kids.) You know now you have to ASK the elders for one. So the Society can always say "we don't force that on our members, its a personal decision." They are snakes.
I thank you all for your comments. and nice meeting you all too. (I'm on the East Coast of the US)
Hey RagingBull (great username BTW) ... I went through it. Separated and divorced from my JW wife 7-8 years ago. Remarried last summer.
Gotta say it was a tough time for me. Of course it was painful to go thru a divorce. But I got back on my feet and started to see what the real world had to offer. It was liberating. Didn't date a lot but eventually met up with my new future wife. Interestingly, we had met years back when she was doing a college placement/work experience at my place of work. I was still a JW and married at the time.
Fast forward to a couple of years after the divorce and we met up again....at a different workplace. Started out just friends, but grew from there. Married now, no kids....a goldren retriever and life is good.
It all works out eventually. Whatever you choose to do. Good luck.
yeah I guess the key is to put GOD first (for those that truly believe in him) and not the Governing Body.
I do wonder what dating would be like after not being married to a JW. I hope not to be forceful/aggressive due to my being brainwashed for so many years. Also, due to my nature, I hope not to be a push-over.
I can say, since I have stopped dealing with the JWs or my husband for the past 6 years, I feel more relaxed and not stressed. I know me. I will be the type to spoil my kids with trips everywhere (this was something we did not do due to field service every weekend, studying for meetings everyday, husband was on parts every week (while other elders took their wives/families to dinner, a concert, to their family boats/cottages......) and meetings, sometimes 2x every Sunday). My kids and I missed out on alot.
Definitely......time for me. Travel, extra-curricular classes just for the hell of it, get a degree or 2..........JUST LIVE!!!!!!! Something that JWS DO NOT do.
I am listening to a song by Anita Baker called "Perfect Love Affair".... I want to be in love, so much again......
Raging bull
you have a PM
oz
My JW spouce DA'd and left over 7 years ago now, because of the whole "no scriptural evidence for a divorce" decree from the elders I was forced into singlehood for 5 years- parts of those five years were frustrating because of the JW circumstance but....
that time gave me room to become independent, live on my own completely and learn about what mistakes I made the first time and what kind of person I would look for as a companion the next time.
Now after leaving the organization I have found a very nice man who is really my partner and friend (very different from the kind of person I picked when in my 20's). I didn't date a lot either but I knew what a gem I had in Coffee Shop Guy when I found him!
Best of luck- if your marriage ends my advise is to give it some time and don't jump into a serious relationship too quickly (having casual "fun" is only ok if both parties are emotionally mature to handle it so be careful)
CHG
