Better day, today... had a long talk with Christine last night. She finds it hard to be with me because of my downers. The thing is, I have never been happy. I know my dad was well thought of on here and I know it's wrong to speak of the dead, etc, but he wasn't the best of fathers and we had a very volatile family life that has left me extremely scarred. Couple that with the pressures of being a Witness and I feel like I have spent 25 years of my life simply existing. I have nothing to show for it and plenty of bad memories, and that's what gets me down.
I appreciate the comments on here and will possibly take a look at some Buddhist theories. I definitely have a void in my life, and am not sure what needs to fill it. I think it may be spiritual but I also know I have a strong maternal yearning that can't be fulfilled for another couple of years, once Christine has finished her uni course.
But it's Friday, and summer is coming. Onwards and upwards, and all that...