help appreciated...any success or failures at truly conscious efforts to make new friends after a life in jwland? As a very social person i still only seem to have ex-dubs as my new friends...

by oompa 28 Replies latest jw friends

  • ziddina

    Heeeey, OOmpa!!

    How are you doing?? You seem to be feeling better!!

    Wish I could help you with your social calendar. You seem like a nice guy, so I think that time and patience will bring more friends - REAL friends - your way...

    Zid the She-Devil

  • CoonDawg

    I do get along quite well with my colleagues at work, and I do enjoy the occasional social interaction with them. I found some great company when I joined a car club. I took a hobby that I enjoyed and found others who enjoy it too. Kind of like church...only cheaper. I made a couple of really good friends in a place where I previously knew noone. It could certainly work for you as well. I found it was up to me to get out and enjoy life and meet new people.

  • DesirousOfChange

    Instead of thinking in terms of friendships think in terms of commonality. If you have something in common it's easier to enjoy some level of companionship on a regular basis. For instance I play chess once a week at my local library and or the coffe shop. A number of people I play with have become friends.

    Friendships are developed based on having something in common, as noted above: chess. JW friends are based on having the religion in common. Even if you fade (vs DF or DA, where you are particularly deemed inappropriate for friendship), the "friendships" become distant as you have lost that commonality.

    What are your new interests? Chess? Boating? Antique Cars? Support for breast cancer? HIV research funding? Community groups (esp small towns) like JayCees, Kiwanis Club, etc.

    Join a group to find people who share your passion about something of interest to you.

  • chickpea

    drive-by hooting here... dont have time to read all the responses
    this morning so it could just be re-iteration but here goes anyway!

    one time encounters, like high-way clean up arent likely to yield
    further opportunities for same group socializing so instead sign
    up for something longer term.... like a local book club or a short
    term on-going class by the local library or tech college or a group
    that promotes something near and dear to your heart... examples:
    6 week conversational french class, local advocacy group for LGBT,
    women's group for alt health, volunteer at local museum

    i have found a small cluster of people i have gotten close to and
    have many others who would invite me to sit at their table for
    a cuppa if i ran into them at the coffee shop.... nice community
    that suits my needs... your mileage may vary

  • suedehead

    I had a serious drinking problem after leaving the Borg. I was drunk and friendless. I joined AA, made tons of true friends, and got sober. That was years ago, and those folks are still my close friends.

    In addition AA. I have good friends that I've met at the gym, work, playing sports, team supporters groups, and playing music. I have great friends, male and female. They won't come to you, you gotta get out and start living your life. It's a numbers game. The more you're out and getting involved in things you love (on a regular basis) the more people you meet.

    Sorry Jesus, but being "part of the world" is normal and really rewarding.

  • Black Sheep
    Black Sheep

    Most of my contacts have been made through the local pubs and clubs.

    Maybe you have a different drinking culture there. Our locals are centres for business and events as well as the gossip. Many of my drinking buddies are self employed and deals are forever being done after business hours. Events are organised, people pitch in and help each other. Best churches I ever went to.



  • nugget

    I am a sad muppet who loves my own company even as a JW I wasn't part of the social scene. What I have found its that by working on my goals and focusing on my children I have made new friends. I have people I met through my Uni course, people in the local community, Football parents who stand in the cold with me on a Saturday morning in the winter, scouting friends and lots of ex jw friends that are extra special to me. It takes more of an effort than before but it is part of building our new lives. JWs have been such a big part of my past that sharing highs and lows with people who understand the significance and importance of things and who are moving their lives forward too is so important. In the same way that people who share major life events form friendships so do we.

    I am happy to take time and my new relationships are at an early stage but I know it will get even more exciting as time goes on.

  • Carole007

    Dear Friends:

    I have DA from the Jehovah Witness Organization for over 4 months now. Yes it is awkward and at times lonely. The fear and anger and all the other emotions that go along with it can at times be overwhelming. It has been pure hell for me. So lick my wounds and move on. I realize that this is an International Site so what I am proposing is for anyone in the Buffalo New York or surrounding areas email me and we can create our own network. Go to a picnic, movie whatever just talk and connect. You can also find me on facebook. We can meet up weeking and talk about whatever. You can find me on Facebook under Carolyn Collins. I look forward to hearing from you.

  • lookingnow25

    Hi Oompa.

    It's been a while since we talked. Both of our situations sound to have changed a bunch.

    I've found friends in various places, none that I'm really tight with, but nice people.

    There's a monthly entrepreneur's club/meeting here that has been a lot of fun. I went to a couple of "book club" meetings at the public library. They choose a book every month and have a couple of discussions about it. Not totally my scene, but some nice folk there.

    You might check the groups and/or activities section of your local craigslist site.

    That's just a few ideas.

    Good luck friend.


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